becoming the spiritual leader of the relationship

[f U z ! o N]

i know men are supposed to be the spiritual leaders of a relationship correct? well how would i become a stronger leader in that. i need ideas and tips. i want to become a great, strong spiritual leader for my girlfriend and for God.

 

[keyz]

One thing you can do is pray for your girlfriend, pray for the relationship, pray for yourself. Diggin' into the word can also contribute. Taking time to pray with you girlfriend is also another thing. While praying is great and all I think it will take place more in your heart and your heart will be reflected in your actions. Be desperately seeking God in your relationship and your life. What does he think? What does he want? Where's he leading and guiding? I think the biggest part of being a strong leader spiritually is to have a heart that is in touch with God and one that is seeking after God in everything you do, relationship wise, and just in general.

You can't lead someone with God if you are not with God yourself. That's what I've always understood to be true anyways.

 

[f U z ! o N]

interesting advice. you always have great advice.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

Pray, just as keyz said. Also make sure you are digging into the word. If you and your gf live close, go to church together. At least for me, that is a big thing. It shows me in a tangible way that he is seeking God. It is also nice when I've asked him what he is going to do after this or that, he said "read his Bible" those are important to.

 

[f U z ! o N]

we go to church together and pray together and do devotions

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

Make sure you are keeping your spiritual life up, not just when your w/ her though. It's important that your devotions aren't just when you're together. It is important that she knows you are your own person, and following God on your own so that she doesn't feellike she has to lead you spiritually. Time together and apart is important

 

[MagicStar723]

we go to church together and pray together and do devotions

Sounds like you are off to a good start. One thing that is important and my bf and myself figured out that it is crucial that you keep up your seperate prayer and devotional time. Spend a lot of time in seperate prayer and bible study time.
Live your life as a "role model" live you life as God wants you to live and it will help your relationship. Study and read on your own and pray for God to make you the bf you SHOULD be.

 

[hasnoname]

How do you know when having devotionals is appropriate? Couldnt that be too much intimacy for some circumstances? I believe that some things should be left for marriage...and while devotionals are not bad...what is the level of intimacy (emotional and spiritual...obvious physical is easy to see) should be left for marriage? Just questions. I think I need to pray about this one. I myself just started a relationship...my first in which Christ is the foundation (it is awesome). While I have been following Christ for a while now, this is new territory. Help?

 

[Leanna]

I disagree with this whole thread. Your girlfriend is under her family's spiritual leadership until marriage. It is not your place to lead your girlfriend, only your wife. Young dating people sometimes go too far in trying to act like they are married when they are only dating.... sorry but you must learn to be patient for some things.... they will all come in time. For now, just relax and become the man you need to be for when you do get married. Focus on YOUR personal spiritual growth. Grace.

 

[hasnoname]

If your relationship is not based on God...it is pointless and will not help your personal growth. I agree with you somewhat, but to ignore completely the spiritual aspect of a relationship is ridiculous. While most should be left for marriage (ex: primary accountability partner, devotionals, etc.) it is a boyfriends job to make sure the relationship is focused on God and not on each other.

 

[vibrant]

it's one thing to have God first, it's another to take spiritual leadership. i can find scriptural basis for a husband's authority, not a boyfriend's. authority isn't something you have in any relationship just because you're male.

anyway, leanna's advice is good: don't play marriage until you're married.

 

[keyz]

Yeah, I'd agree that it's not a man's responsibility to be in authority over his girlfriend, but I wouldn't go to say that does not mean he cannot direct her to God. I'd say we can always point people to God in everything we do. We can lead the relationship on a path towards pursuing God. You can't tell me there is anything wrong with that...

 

[Leanna]

If your relationship is not based on God...it is pointless and will not help your personal growth. I agree with you somewhat, but to ignore completely the spiritual aspect of a relationship is ridiculous. While most should be left for marriage (ex: primary accountability partner, devotionals, etc.) it is a boyfriends job to make sure the relationship is focused on God and not on each other.

Sorry... vibrant is right, that is not in the Bible. I see this is your first Christian relationship. Cool. I hope it goes well. You don't have to ignore the spiritual aspect, I didn't say that, I said he(and you) should focus on becoming the man he needs to be. What I mean is that both the girlfriend and the boyfriend should have an individual strng relationship with God. Then while they are out, say on a date, they can say "God is doing wonderful things in my life!" and share about them. They can attend church together, and missions trips and outreaches together. But as far as personal growth... it remains separate. You should each focus on God and since you will both be following God your relationship will naturally stay on the right path.

 

[hasnoname]

I totally agree...that is why I asked questions...because of what was said before...it didnt seem right. I have never heard of couples doing devotionals and such...not until marriage...and I know that accountability is left to marriage. I was just saying that the spiritual aspect of the relationship cannot be ignored. God has to be present and the foundation must be on Christ alone...not each other. Personal growth must be left out, but it should not be ignored. Here is my concern...from experience...because in a serious relationship you are close to the other person, if the relationship does not have that foundation on Christ, then if one falls away and ignores God's will, then it is super easy for the other to fall with them. It then becomes a carnal relationship...focused on each other and not God. I have been there before, and it is dangerous.

 

[f U z ! o N]

im not trying to play marriage people im just trying to be a good spritual guy for her. if i don't start trying to figure out how to be that it will be hard for me when im married.

 

[Leanna]

Well... you can be the good spiritual guy by putting God number one above all other pursuits and ideals. You seek God, and like I said, the relationship will fall into the right place. You should encourage her to see God also, on her own. I think that you could have a great impact by just talking about the stuff you are learning and reading and sharing it... that could excite her to get closer to God too.

 

[Eccp19]

Fuz I admire your passion for being a great guy to your girl. We are both very similar in that respect. I have found that one of the best ways to keep your relationship Christ centered is to stop every once and a while and just by yourself, reflect on the current status of your relationship and ask, Is God pleased with us? Are my actions/feelings toward this person still of a Godly nature?

Trust me man, the minute that the relationship drifts from God is the minute that intimacy (at least the right kind) will start to plummet. This is of course assuming that your relationship has been Christ based from the beginning.

You know that you are leading spirtually when these thoughts of the relationship are your primary focus.

 

[bliz]

i know men are supposed to be the spiritual leaders of a relationship correct? well how would i become a stronger leader in that. i need ideas and tips. i want to become a great, strong spiritual leader for my girlfriend and for God.

I disagree with your premis.

God does not interact with "relationships"; He interacts with individual people. Just as God has no grandchildren, God has no special relationship with husbands or boyfriends that somehow also takes care of his relationship with the women in their lives. God has His own relationship with your girlfriend and will have His own, direct relationship with your wife when you marry.

Note - God did not ask Joseph to tell Mary that she was going to be the mother of Jesus. He sent an angle directly to Mary to have that conversation.

Which is not to say that you can't be helpful to your girlfriend's spiritual life, just as she can be helpful to you with yours, but there simply is no room for a leader to slip in between her and God. If you try and put yourself there, you are making a big mistake.

 

[f U z ! o N]

then what is all this junk im hearing about being a spiritual leader in a relationship?

 

[GingerMadison]

Well, from personal experience i can tell you the following...
Take initiative to keep the relationship pure, keep yourselves out of risky situations that can become impure. Ask to pray with her, I love it when my boyfriend does that.
Introduce her to everyone you know and read the bible with her. Be courageous, and don't be afraid to tell her how you feel. If you think something in your relationship may be causing some kind of problems or putting a gap between the two of you and God, tell her. That way you will avoid little misunderstandings becoming huge problems. Most importantly, keep communication open. Let her know you are always praying for her. God is very proud of you for doing all you can to be a Godly leader for her. Keep up the good work in your persual of leadership!