Becoming Quiverfull

[BananaCake]

Hello, everyone

I'd like to hear your stories about how you come to consider yourself to be QF. Have you always been QF? If not, how did God start convicting you that that was the way He wanted you to live? What verses (besides the obvious ones we always talk about) brought you to that conviction? What have been your fears and victories in this area? Was your spouse always on board?

I'm leaning toward QF because it makes sense to me, but I have lots of fears and questions, so I'm looking to hear other's stories on the subject.

 

[sparassidae]

For us it has been a gradual thing. We decided when getting married that we would have at least 4 children.

During my first pregnancy we committed to attachment parenting, and also found out that the Pill is an abortifacient. So we decided to not use hormonal birth control after the baby was born, but trust in lots of breastfeeding to keep my period away.

By the time I got my period back we were ready for another one. So we conceived again, and I think it was towards the end of that pregnancy (10 days late and too much time on my hands) that I learned fertility awareness and first learned about Quiverfull from the net.

Sometime over the last couple of years I guess I committed to being quiverfull, but DH isn't.

I soon got past the fear of 12 or 15 children- God has spaced ours out at least 2 years apart, and the gap is actually increasing. I figure if that continues, plus more difficulty conceiving as I get older, then I probably won't have more than another 3 or 4 children. Financially God is blessings us more and more as time goes on, so I don't worry about supporting a big family. My only concern is the heartache associated with miscarriage, or the difficulties of disability/birth defect (both more likely as we get older)

DH is more QF than he used to be. He certainly acknowledges children as blessings, and can see how God has helped us with each one. He just gets tired and, in his words "I don't want us to still be having babies when I'm 40" It's an age thing, not a big family thing. I try to think of it as "do we trust God to stop giving us babies when we are older?"

And as in most areas of our lives, the answer we give is "Yes, but..."

We're still working through this, and I will submit to my husband even if he decides 'no more'.

 

[Sabertooth]

For us it was a bit sudden. We thought we would just make the honeymoon last as long as we could. When that wore off then we'd think about having kids.

In my family, all the women used the pill in that fashion. For DW, it seemed to cause many yeast infections, so that was out. While striving to come up with alternatives, God brought us (both Christians) to a fundamental question, "Who do our bodies, lives and marriage belong to, anyway?"

Along with that, He supplied the answer from 1Cor. 6:19, 20;

"You are not your own; you were bought at a price."

We came to see our marriage plans as self-centered, if we didn't surrender it to God. From there it became clear to us, from other Scriptures, that God had a deliberate plan about who should be born into our family, and when. But it wasn't just about deference in family planning. It was also about coming to God about each and every decision that arises in family life, whether it be a crisis, relational difficulties, disagreements, financial decisions... everything.

DW had wavered about QF (which we didn't know what to call it back then), but she was even more miserable when she briefly used contraceptives by the side effects AND that we could miss somebody.

 

[Assisi]

We can't technically be classed as QF because we believe that we can use fertility awareness to avoid pregnancy in serious circumstances (eg health).

The mentality of QF - we would term it 'open to life', including seeing children as blessings rather than expenses and an opposition to contraception was something my husband and I were both firmly committed to before we met (and we met when we were 18). We believe that being open to life is an attitude and an action in our lives, not simply a desire to have a large family, and our attitude stems from our beliefs about the meaning of sex, the meaning of marriage, and the meaning of our bodies.

My husband and I reached a much firmer understanding of our own beliefs on this topic when we went to a conference early in 2003. One of the speakers spoke passionately about John Paul II's 'Theology of the Body'. He took us through the Scriptures esp Eph 5, Gen 1, Gen 38, 1 Cor 7, and showed that we are called to give ourselves totally to each other in the marital act and that contraception negates that total giving because it holds back our fertility.

We had a good look at what sex is. It is loving as God loves - totally. Husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the Church. And Christ certainly does not hold back God's creative love from His Bride. In sex we can glimpse the joy of heaven, and in the love of the family we are able to have a glimpse of the love of the Trinity.

It's so hard to explain it in a post! But we find our study of the Theology of the Body has changed our lives, called us into a deeper relationship with Christ, brought us closer together, and helped us to experience true freedom in our marriage and in sex. I would recommend adding a good book/CD about it to your study of Sacred Scripture.

How amazing to think - the love between you and your husband is so real that it has become a person - your baby.

 

[annaapple]

Have you always been QF? If not, how did God start convicting you that that was the way He wanted you to live?

NO, we used to use condoms.

I was getting a very storng sense that God was asking me: How much do you trust me? Put your money where your mouth is: if you trust me, give this area of your life to me.

What verses (besides the obvious ones we always talk about) brought you to that conviction? What have been your fears and victories in this area? Was your spouse always on board?

No verses, just a clear conviction from God. Strangely, God worked on my DH at the same time, and I had no idea. One day I raised it (expecting DH to hit the roof) and he was like: "yeah, I feel the same. I've been thinking about our wedding vows recently, and how we promised to accept children lovingly from God. So I think we should let God decide." I almost fell out of my chair!

My biggest fear came from a combination of the fact that I have had to have 2 sections, so I can't have 10 kids safely and I have always got pregnant pretty easily. So I worried that if we gave up contraceptives I would end up with more babies than my body could handle. I kind of worked through that on this board, plus God is making me wait for the next baby, showing me He really is in control! Hallelujah!

Hope that helps!

 

[jgonz]

We can't "technically" be called Quiverfull either, as DH believes that G-d is in charge, but isn't comfortable going without bc.

We were always open to kids... I got pregnant with #1 accidentally, then we weren't really trying to Prevent with #2... But I had Serious baby-lust before #3. I picked at DH and wore him down until he finally agreed. I got pregnant right away... but the baby was born with birth defects and after a long and torturous 4.5 months in the hospital and 4 surgeries, she died.

In the weeks that followed, G-d dealt with My selfishness, My desires, My plans, My wants, My, My, My... and I gave over the area of my fertility to G-d's plans~ even if that meant He wouldn't give us any other children. DH was scared spitless to go without any bc, so we used a barrier method.

Several months later, a friend of mine got pregnant on 2 forms of bc... I told G-d, if you want me to get pregnant again, You'll have to do that with me. He did. 6 more times. In spite of bc... because DH & I were totally open to having as many children as He wanted us to have.

I consider myself QF. I would go completely w/o bc if DH wasn't so adamant about using it. I know we'll only have as many as G-d wants us to have because He's in charge. And both DH "know" in our guts, that we're done. Sure, G-d could bless us again and we'd be Fine with that!

Warning, VENT: It really bothers me the basic mentality of the average (even Christian) woman. "I'm DONE!" I hear on a regular basis. "There is NO WAY I'd EVER have another baby!" "DH got the big V, because there is NO WAY I'm having another baby! I told G-d NO MORE!" "I'm getting my tubes tied the SECOND this baby is born because I REFUSE to go through this again!" :::shudders::: To cut off life like that... to cut off G-d's blessings... to cut off the Holy Spirit and G-d's will like that! Makes me Really nervous for these women....

 

[sparassidae]

I agree with your vent. It annoys me even more when women decide 'how many' before they've even started!

It's like they are writing a script- We'll get married in 2007, then get pregnant in 2010, then get pregnant again in 2013. End of story.

 

[annaapple]

Yeah... children as commodities, "I want this many of this type at this time"... as if you can go and buy them in a supermarket! Part of what drove my DH into the QF fold was the fact that he really objected to that kind of attitude towards children.

Oldest DS asked for 3 sisters the other day! I would love it if that was God's plan! But I'm sure whatever His plan is, it will be great.

 

[BananaCake]

Jgonz, I always love hearing your story.

Warning, VENT: It really bothers me the basic mentality of the average (even Christian) woman. "I'm DONE!" I hear on a regular basis. "There is NO WAY I'd EVER have another baby!" "DH got the big V, because there is NO WAY I'm having another baby! I told G-d NO MORE!" "I'm getting my tubes tied the SECOND this baby is born because I REFUSE to go through this again!" :::shudders::: To cut off life like that... to cut off G-d's blessings... to cut off the Holy Spirit and G-d's will like that! Makes me Really nervous for these women....

I think for most people it's not selfishness as much as short-sightedness. What I'm realizing is that most people have no idea what God says on this topic or even simply how to seek God's will in any area of their lives! I was talking to a friend who does campus ministry this weekend, and he said that most kids these days who were raised in Christian homes have never even read all 4 Gospels - and definitely not the rest of the Bible. How sad!


I was not raised in a Christian home myself, but before I got married, I didn't want kids. When my relationship with my now husband got serious, this is something I prayed a lot about because I knew he wanted kids. Then I decided I did want kids. When we did pre-marital counseling, I said I wanted 2 kids and he said 3. I came from a family of 2, so that seemed like a nice number Really, that's what I based that answer on! I didn't really know any Christian families that had more than 2 or 3 children, with the exception of my aunt who has 4. I imagine she would have had more but she got married at 35 and almost died giving birth to #4 when she was in her mid-40's. My former pastor has 4 kids as well, but I don't know if they were QF. So I'd never really seen QF modeled before.

We did delay having kids for a few years due to health issues and some experimental meds I was on. I just wasn't comfortable going without bc; there had been no studies done with pregnant women and this med - but we did a combination of NFP and a barrier method, knowing that nothing is fool-proof! I have no regrets about that. I can't imagine being as sick as I was and having to care for a little one, much less being that sick and being pg! And I don't know that I would have been able to be fully present for a child. Now that I'm well into my 30's, I imagine that even if we do decide to be QF, I'm not really worried about ending up with 10 kids

 

[Sabertooth]

DW & I hold to the notion that there are good medical reasons to avoid conception, in this fallen world. She had to get a medically necessary hysterectomy. But, as long as health permits, there is no good reason to withhold it from God.

A person might have a medical condition that requires the amputation of a hand or a foot, but until such is the case, these (like everything else) should be placed at God's disposal.

 

[-~Truth_N_Trust~-]

yeah, i'm always a little surprised hearing women say i'm done at church, i just wonder, i mean accidents happen, and setting yourself in a mindset like that worries me... Also getting strange looks at church because there is only 2 years between my kids?!

Oh, and to answer the question, I don't know if you'd call us strictly 'quiverfull', but we do agree with the principles. I guess it's easier for us to say that because we have trouble conceiving so are not worried about ending up overwhelmed - we always wanted lots of kids so we're open to however many God gives us.
I also have a lot of trouble with the Pill, on a physical and spiritual level, so I haven't taken it since I got married. And I really worry about what it is doing to womens bodies/hormones, since a lot of women take it constantly for a LONG time. I believe that doing this as a young teenager is the cause of my fertility troubles now... So we have no want of contraceptives.

Anyway! DH and i wouldn't use a quiverfull label to describe ourselves, it was just a natural understanding after we got married that any child would be a blessing...

 

[SmackYouTwice]

Soo...

this is a VERY interesting topic for me. I am 8 months preggers with my first, but I am not married... but the father is. So obviously this is a crazy situation, and I'll tell ya now it's not doing much to honor God or get any involved closer to Him (at the moment). Why did I get pregnant? I understand a child is a blessing, I agree with that and will do all I can to take care and love this precious gift... is QV saying that God makes that sperm fertilize the egg? Why didn't the father of the baby's wife get pregnant during the 3-4 years they tried? Why was it me within a few weeks? Or maybe my ULTIMATE question here is what is QV and how does it work?

 

[BananaCake]

is QV saying that God makes that sperm fertilize the egg? Why didn't the father of the baby's wife get pregnant during the 3-4 years they tried? Why was it me within a few weeks? Or maybe my ULTIMATE question here is what is QV and how does it work?

Not trying to make light of your situation, but I can probably tell you why the father of the baby's wife didn't become pg - your baby doesn't have a wife And a father can't get pg

And this is a good place to start reading about QF:
http://www.christianforums.com/t3929587-everyone-please-read-before-posting.html
http://www.christianforums.com/t5127617-being-quiverfull-is.html

 

[SmackYouTwice]

Not trying to make light of your situation, but I can probably tell you why the father of the baby's wife didn't become pg - your baby doesn't have a wife And a father can't get pg

And this is a good place to start reading about QF:
http://www.christianforums.com/t3929587-everyone-please-read-before-posting.html
http://www.christianforums.com/t5127617-being-quiverfull-is.html

Thanks.

What I said still makes sense to me, tho. "Father of the baby" is one person, and putting the "apostrophe s" and wife (another person) after shows the ownership thing... I thought I did well at grammar in school, but then again, that was several years ago now.

 

[BananaCake]

Thanks.

What I said still makes sense to me, tho. "Father of the baby" is one person, and putting the "apostrophe s" and wife (another person) after shows the ownership thing... I thought I did well at grammar in school, but then again, that was several years ago now.

Maybe it's just cause I'm 8 months PG that I got so confused.

 

[Leanna]

I think for most people it's not selfishness as much as short-sightedness. What I'm realizing is that most people have no idea what God says on this topic or even simply how to seek God's will in any area of their lives!

g pg! And I don't know that I would have been able to be fully present for a child. Now that I'm well into my 30's, I imagine that even if we do decide to be QF, I'm not really worried about ending up with 10 kids

Yeah but can you really do that and call it quiverfull? Wait until you were ready for kids and knew you only had some years left and then call yourself quiverfull? I don't see how that would be more quiverfull than someone having some kids and then just not trying for more because it wouldn't be good for the mom's health or whatever reason. Before or after you start having children-- same thing. I am just really curious what "counts" .... also would it count if you use NFP? What if you think you are "done" and then use NFP for the rest of the time until menopause? Doesn't quiverful mean having as many children as God will give you without any birth control? That's my understanding.

Maybe it's just cause I'm 8 months PG that I got so confused.

She is saying her baby's father is married -- father of the baby's wife.

 

[BananaCake]

Yeah but can you really do that and call it quiverfull? Wait until you were ready for kids and knew you only had some years left and then call yourself quiverfull? I don't see how that would be more quiverfull than someone having some kids and then just not trying for more because it wouldn't be good for the mom's health or whatever reason. Before or after you start having children-- same thing. I am just really curious what "counts" .... also would it count if you use NFP? What if you think you are "done" and then use NFP for the rest of the time until menopause? Doesn't quiverful mean having as many children as God will give you without any birth control? That's my understanding.

But you can't one become QF? Or must one start out as QF to be QF? There's so real exact definition of what it looks like in the Bible.

 

[SmackYouTwice]

Yeah but can you really do that and call it quiverfull? Wait until you were ready for kids and knew you only had some years left and then call yourself quiverfull? I don't see how that would be more quiverfull than someone having some kids and then just not trying for more because it wouldn't be good for the mom's health or whatever reason. Before or after you start having children-- same thing. I am just really curious what "counts" .... also would it count if you use NFP? What if you think you are "done" and then use NFP for the rest of the time until menopause? Doesn't quiverful mean having as many children as God will give you without any birth control? That's my understanding.




She is saying her baby's father is married -- father of the baby's wife.

I seriously can't stop thinking about this topic, lol. Like take two different situations that have a similarity.

A woman chooses to not use birth control (or better yet, does but it doesn't work), and pops them kids out like no tomorrow. I know of two people from my past that have done this... and those kids had a very rough upbringing.

Another woman chooses the QV thing... and also pops 'em out like no tomorrow. Are these kids better off than the first woman's kids because she choose QV?

Might I add that both woman are Christian. I question how far back this QV goes... does God make the sperm fertilize the egg? What about rape... even rape BETWEEN two people that are married. I'm trying to better understand this, but right now it doesn't come together in my head, lol. I find it so facinating tho, and I'm sure that has to do with my current situation.

 

[Leanna]

But you can't one become QF? Or must one start out as QF to be QF? There's so real exact definition of what it looks like in the Bible.

Well there's really only one verse of it at all in the Bible, right?

 

[Sabertooth]

Well there's really only one verse of it at all in the Bible, right?

There are ZERO verses in the Bible that speak to deliberate family planning (in marriage), but there are many that speak to surrounding issues and point to an ideal lifestyle. Sickness and disease are certainly realities that need to be taken into consideration, when they are present.

SU2, there is no RIGHT way to continue to have children out-of-wedlock, but I applaud your willingness to take responsibility for the little one you have.