be fruitful and multiply

[rakkoon]

Need advice...
I have this friend who is determend to have 6 kids plus they want to adopt from another country. They are a christian couple who have been married for 6 years now.
They have 2 children now. They are struggling financially 2 weeks ago they asked for assistance from their church because they are unable to make ends meet as she put it "We only have $30.00 left over for food, for the whole month after paying all our debt" and "We are buying Top Romen noodles even then that can be too expencive" and "Our cuberds are bare."
They are trying for the 3rd child now. She had a miscarriage 2 months ago. She said she would start trying as soon as the dr. gave the go ahead. She insisted that she talked to a pastor about having this big family even though they are not financially stable. Supposedly he told her she was right on and we shouldn't let finances get in the way of having children.
We as her firend advised her that maybe her husband should quit school until he gets their debt paid off. And wait to have the next one till they are stable, she responded "You don't understand, we are going to have these kids whether we have enough money or not, God is going to provide."
When she went to her church to ask for help at first they turned her down but gave her a box full of food, she was very upset saying "Where is the compassion" and "WE NEED THE MONEY!" I explained to her that the church wants you to do everything possible (second job, ask family for help, etc.) before going to them.
The church finally agreed to help by giving them $650.00 and possibly help next month also.
The thing is I feel for the church b/c this couple is very careless with their money (buying things that they don't need). Her parents are helping with the rent, when she lyed and told the church they were paying all the rent. Then she recently mentioned all these gifts they bought for family. She also mentioned how her husband blamed this on her since she had been over spending, I asked her "If you only have $30.00 left over for food and gas at the end of the month how are you overspending." She said she wasn't, she said she may have over spend about $120.00 or so.
I've thought about calling the church and telling them something. Should I do anything. If they were really struggling why would they buy a Recliner, digital camera, and a Play Station 2, 6 months ago?

My husband and I were in a similar situation before, we worked out a budget. We did it ourselves. Christmas I am going to knit slippers for family members. We can not aford buying gifts for all these people. Our kids plus ourselves are the only ones who will be getting gifts. I don't ever want to be in that situation again.
What should I do? Or should I?

 

[ephraimanesti]

MY DEAR SISTER IN CHRIST,

This is indeed a hard situation with no easy answers--and certainly mine is far from definitive.
But what i would suggest is you pray that GOD'S WILL WOULD BE DONE IN THIS SITUATION. He alone knows what is best for all concerned, and He alone is able to make a right judgment on what the best course of action is. He views from the inside what we only see from the ourside, so allow Him to resolve this situation according to His Will.
Forgive me for pointing out that a fair amount of judgementalism comes through in your report of this situation, and this is not in YOUR best interests.

MAY GOD GUIDE ALL CONCERNED!​

PEACE AND BLESSING TO YOU AND YOURS,
ephraimanesti

 

[justjan]

go to www.daveramsey.com

See if there is a Financial Peace University class in your area that this couple could go to. If there is then let her know that she and her husband NEED to go. If there isn't maybe someone at their church would consider starting one. The cost of the 13 week course is about $100.

God does promise to provide for our needs. They need to learn what that means and live on a budget. I have never heard anyone justify a camera, recliner or Playstation as a NEED.

If they refuse to be responsible for the financial problems by NOT going and getting some help I would not offer to give them any sort of assistance until they did.

 

[fishstix]

Pray for them. Sometimes that is all that one can do; and it is usually the best thing that one can do. I would agree with their church's decision to give them food but not money.

 

[Treasurer]

I once heard someone say it takes the same kind of faith to believe for new, that it does to believe for used.

Basically what I am saying is who are we to judge another person on how to believe? Who is right and who is wrong? And how do "you" know? Isnt that for God to decide?

I believe that is why there is that scripture that says: remove the beam from your own eye before trying to take the speck out of your brothers eye. (Only then will you be able to see clearly).

(I only say these things because I once like you got caught up in judging others from that very same perspective. Very same. I was wrong. --Look at it this way, if you totally take the world out of the picture completely, what do you have left? What do you have in you? What do you have in these people you are judging? And what do you have in the church that helped them?

The basic principals I have learned is that God doesnt work with money. Money is not his currency, he works with hearts. And scriptures support this claim. It says he writes in our hearts and minds, and that is what we are to love him with. This is his currency.

When we believe, we believe with our hearts and minds. Even when the Lord had the Egyptians help the Israelites, he touched their hearts so that they would help the hebrews. God had touched the heart of the Pharoah as well so that he would free the slaves.

The Lord had began to show me how his currency worked. And how I must believe. How that scripture is applied: faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen).

Well anyways, I hope this has helped some.

God Bless

 

[ArohaB]

you never know what God may have in store for them ahead.. we too struggled with 2 children but had 6 and are in a different situation now than we were then, the most important thing is seeing God working in character, everything else falls into place.

 

[Ms.Garnet]

Hi Rakkoon and others ! At the risk of sounding mean & uncaring I will put my 2 cents worth in. After 32 years with a husband in the ministry it is sad to say , but there are people who just use the church in this way. Some folks go from church to church & literally town to town with a story and taking whatever handout they can get. This type of people make it hard for those who truely are in need. It is so bad where we are at that all the churches in our denomination give to a central food closet - good food and cash to buy meat,diapers, etc. If someone is in need we send them there - of course each church can do more on their own for the person if they wish. We never give cash/money - if a bill needs to be paid or gas bought , etc. a check is written to the bill company, gas station , etc. never do we give money - so often it does not go where they say it will go. Here in the U.S. there is public assistance for people who are low income & a food program (W I C) for the children & around here WIC is very good help. Last year we had a man come by with a very questionable story - wanted money of course. When we sent him to the food closet he wasn't interested. The following week a lady from the church across the street asked me if we had this man with such & such story come by - they didn't believe him either & didn't give him too much help either. Then they found out he had been to a church in the next town over with the same story. It happens & it is sad, because there are people who truely are in need .

 

[madison1101]

My husband and I were in tight financial situations when we were in college. We had two of our kids before starting college, and #3 came unexpectedly while we were in college. It was hard, and we had family help and church help. After we got stable financially, we were able to pay back our church, which shocked the deacon who received the check.

It is foolish of your friend to try to get pregnant at this time. She should be frugal and not a spend thrift, BUT, it is not your problem is it? All you can do is pray for her and encourage her to right living.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[rakkoon]

I agree with "M. garnet" All these rules are in place b/c of people who want to abuse the church. Asking help from the church should be a last resort. Like "Madison" case that is a hard situation. I think you have to think things out... what is more important Play Station or puting food on the table for your kids? The latter of course.
Like everyone said I will just give it up to the Lord and not deal with her anymore.
This isn't the first time I've seen her do this, the thing is I didn't know she was lying to the church. I just thought they were being gracious and giving her money.
She was on WIC and Gov. help but I think it stopped or something. This may be the reason why she is so desperate to have another child now.