Balancing relationships with God and a girlfriend?

[BrindA17]

First and foremost is God. If I didn't know that, I wouldn't have my head or my heart in the right place. My question is how close of a second place should a girlfriend/relationship be?

I know God is supposed to have the wheel--full control of our lives--but is it ok to make relationship-based decisions (as in decisions based on your relationship with a girlfriend)?

For instance, if you have a chance to go on a missions trip or stay home to spend time with your girlfriend, is it necessary to choose the missions trip? I know you're heart should be in it, and let's say it is. Yet at the same time you are very serious about your girlfriend and want to spend time with her. When, if ever, is it OK to choose your girlfriend? Also, you don't plan on doing anything ungodly while with your girlfriend; you just want to bond with her emotionally and potentially spiritually. Does it change things if the time spent with your girlfriend isn't spent in a spiritual manner?

Thoughts?

 

[abbasdaughter]

First and foremost is God. If I didn't know that, I wouldn't have my head or my heart in the right place. My question is how close of a second place should a girlfriend/relationship be?

I know God is supposed to have the wheel--full control of our lives--but is it ok to make relationship-based decisions (as in decisions based on your relationship with a girlfriend)?

For instance, if you have a chance to go on a missions trip or stay home to spend time with your girlfriend, is it necessary to choose the missions trip? I know you're heart should be in it, and let's say it is. Yet at the same time you are very serious about your girlfriend and want to spend time with her. When, if ever, is it OK to choose your girlfriend? Also, you don't plan on doing anything ungodly while with your girlfriend; you just want to bond with her emotionally and potentially spiritually. Does it change things if the time spent with your girlfriend isn't spent in a spiritual manner?

Thoughts?

BrindA17 - I'm so thrilled to hear that you desire to put God first! That will make your decision so much easier because the decision is actually HIS. What has God said? The scripture says "we are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advanced for us to do." He has already determined your best and will lead you to those things. There is a great possibility that your girlfriend (you sound serious about her) is part of that unique plan.

With that in mind, it's wisest to make decisions based upon God's direction - not on your relational desires. (But you probably knew that already in your spirit...) Have you considered including your girlfriend in some of the things that God calls you to? Does she have the same passion? Is God calling her along side you?

God should always win out over any relationship - but He will also live in the midst of godly relationships that you have with others. He does not make you shove them aside - He wants you to invite Him into the mix!

And God is full of joy - He delights to spend time with you, with your girlfriend, and with the two of you together. You don't always have to do "spiritual" things - relationships are not one long mutual quiet time! I'd suggest go-carts, amusement parks, or anything moral that you find fun! Choosing His will doesn't have to be a drag! When God does pull you away for His purposes - rejoice that He knows what He is doing and trust that He can keep your relationship with your girlfriend pure and strong.

One more suggestion - if your girlfriend is a believer - she'd be more than happy to pray with you about the decisions that you need to make in regard to God's call or ministry. She can be a great spiritual asset and, if she loves the Lord, she will WANT you to choose God first.

Relax and let God lead. Trust... God bless. abbasdaughter

 

[BrindA17]

abbasdaughter,

Thanks for your reply. She definitely has a strong passion, but it pulls her away from me more than it does towards me. I mean that in a physical sense- this summer she traveled four hours away to be a live-in nanny, and next summer she's either going back there or possibly to Africa for a missions trip.

I haven't been Christian for very long, so I have never experienced a missions trip. I am definitely interested and want to experience it though. She grew up in a Christian family and she's been on a few missions trips and is very passionate about it. I love that about her and I think it's awesome. Unfortunately, because it's a missions trip organized by her church which I do not belong to, I would not be able to go with her if she chose to go to Africa (nor to live-in as a nanny for that matter).

I want to go on a missions trip and I'm aware that there are some preparations so it's not going to happen in the blink of an eye. And I hope that she and I will be able to experience something like that together someday, whether sooner or later.

As a fairly new Christian I would also like to know how these missions trips typically work. Do I need to go through some sort of training? I'm still in search of a church to call home, but I think I might have found one just this past Sunday. I'm guessing they will have opportunities, but I wonder if they will let me go, considering I have only been a Christian since last November.

Thanks again for your reply. I really appreciate your guidance. I have to say life has only become more complicated since I was saved, but I wouldn't change that for anything. And being able to have fellowship, whether in person or online, makes a world of a difference when you find yourself searching for answers.

 

[HumbleBee]

Wonderful you both putting Jesus first...that will keep you in His favor! If your gf goes to Africa on a mission, what is stopping you from joining her church? You are young, so even if you are temporarily apart...God will work that as good character building to make for a strong relationship with Him and between you when you are together.

 

[BoranJarami]

If you a serious about this relationship, and about growing close to her spiritualy, then there is no need to balance between God and your girlfriend. The things you do will be for both.

If you truly love her and desire a Godly relationship with her, then you will encourage her to do those things that God desires her to do. This does not mean that the relationship has to suffer. In fact the relationship can flurish.

For example, encourage her to go on this mission trip. In the time between now and when she will leave. Take time to pray with her on a regular basis about the trip. Asking God to prepare her for the trip and asking him to use her for his glory. But do not let that end when she leaves. Even when she is gone, continue to pray for her and the mission trip.

I just Got back from a mission trip to Mexico, and I can tell you that it would not have gone as well if it had not been for our friends and family praying for us back home.

Also, what is keeping you from joining her church? This would give you even more opertunity to grow togeather spiritualy. When it comes to marriage (which may very well be far off if at all for you), you must put the will of God first, and the well being of your wife second. It looks like your off to a good start.

As for missions trips, this was my first. The only training that we had was some orientation given at the church on sunday nights to prepare us for cuture shock, giveing out testimony, and the general rules of the specific mission project (ex. don't drink the water). If you go on a mission trip sponsored by your church, chances are they will provide you with this kind of orientation and since your girl friend has already been on a number of mission trips, she may be able to help you out as well. All in all, the single most important thing in way of preperation is prayer. If God has not prepared you for the trip, then little will come of it.

 

[BrindA17]

HumbleBee and BoranJarami,

Thank you both for your replies. You asked what keeps me from joining her church, and the only thing is distance. It's about 1hr out of the way, which isn't too bad honestly. I usually visit when my girlfriend is at home so we can go to church together, but that isn't that often because she goes to a school which is close to my neighborhood. I happen to be close with a pastor at her church, and he held meetings with me every week for a while after I got saved to help me with my walk with God. He personally suggested finding a church close to home. It's not that he didn't want me there, he just wanted to make sure going to church was never burdensome, and it made sense. He tried to help me find a church by suggesting one, and I've been to quite a few since. Anyway, my point is that I prefer to be a member of a church that is close to home. And my understanding is that you can't be a member of more than one church (if I am wrong, please correct me).

Many times, while she was living around here for schooling, she and I would go to churches that her friends went to around the school. Because of that, I had trouble with visiting the same church consistently. She had her own agenda, lol. So basically, instead of following her around, I know that I have to join a church for my own sake and let her come with me if she wishes. I used to consider whether or not she likes the church, but for right now at least, I don't think that matters.

I will definitely encourage her to go on the missions trip because I think it's wonderful. I want to experience it myself and I want her to know that I'm just as passionate about it as she is. I think I've had a fear of being apart from her, but I also think that I've learned that I can be apart from her and that if we are meant to be together it will all work out.

As you both stated, I just have to trust the Lord. Thanks again.