bachelor party issues

[kristina411]

So I'm hoping someone can offer some good advice or something. Two years ago my husband and I were married. Our marriage has been great for the most part, a few kinks but we have worked them out.
Now before the wedding were our bachelor parties. We agreed no strippers or strip clubs but in the end he caved to peer pressure and went to a strip club. He spent some money there but says he did not get a dance. Said at a bar before hand his buddy paid the bartender to pull my husband up on the bar, take my husbands shirt off, spank him with the belt, and write all over his back. When he got home the next day the writing was worn off enough that I couldn't read what it said (even though it was permanent marker and he hadn't showered)
Either way I had issues and big ones with the whole situation. It remained an issue for the first three months of our marriage. Eventually I had to let it go so I did. My husband has been great since.
Well I found out today that its a common practice at strip clubs for the women to pull the men on stage, take their shirts off, whip them with a belt and ride them around the stage. I have never seen this at a bar but trusted my husband when he said it happened at a bar. I'd never been to a strip club so I had no idea this was a common thing.

So now I'm stuck wondering if my husband lied to me. I know it doesn't change the events but I have invested so much trust and faith in him and if he lied and while he was being spanked etc the woman was nearly naked (topless club) I just don't know if I can still trust him that much if it did happen at a club.
I trust everything my husband says. He has been untruthful before but only in the very beginning when we were getting to know each other and it wasn't very untruthful just about a couple things.

Has anyone seen this happen at a bar and not strip club? Should I ask my husband about it? Bring it up? Should I let it go? It doesn't change much and I don't think I would get horribly angry with him but it makes me question if I have naively put too much trust in his words.
Advice?

 

[Passion For Grace]

I trust everything my husband says.

Then why the post?

Was it wrong for your husband to engage in any of the activities you mentioned he admitted to? Meh, maybe. Not for me to say.

But I can tell you this: If you bury things and constantly second guess what he's telling you, and worry yourself sick over it, you will only hurt your marriage.

Eventually your doubt will sow seeds of distrust. This will turn into anger as you read lies into everything he tells you. He's late home from work because he honestly had a ton of paperwork to do, but you think maybe he's lying about that.... so on and so on it goes, until eventually, consumed by your own worry, you lash out in anger.

Doubt turns to distrust, turns to anger, to bitterness - eventually you have an unlivable situation.

If he has confirmed to you that he told you the truth, then just accept that. And if he tells you that it did happen at a strip club, but he's never been unfaithful to you, then you have to forgive him for that and know that he loves you.

At the end of the day, he's your husband. Support him, love him, and trust him. He hasn't done anything to provoke you to behave otherwise.

And to answer: Yes, I've seen that happen at bars.

Now go and love your husband, eh?

 

[kristina411]

So then do I ask him about it, for clarification or anything? I didn't question him when he told me what happened, I figured it was cruddy enough (there is a lot more that his groomsmen did that made the night that much more sleazy) that he must have been honest about all of it. But the more I think about it the more it seems his story isn't adding up quite right.

 

[kristina411]

But I do agree and fully understand how fueling things like this make things much worse. I work on not letting my mind wander in that direction. Guess because that night was already so grimy it just automatically goes to grimy

 

[faroukfarouk]

Some events are to avoid. This is why it's great for husbands and wives to be together and go out together as much as possible (and pray and read the Bible together also).

 

[Passion For Grace]

I wouldn't ask him about it. You trust him. I would let it go and let that be the end of it. The more you think about it and dwell on it, the worse it will be.

And I mean, honestly, how much does it come up? Probably not at all.

He loves you. Accept it, move forward.

 

[kristina411]

I fully agree. I didn't want much to do with the parties but our friends and family insisted. I guess this is why you surround yourself with likeminded friends. But we were both new Christians and baptized only three months prior so our Christian friend pool was rather small

 

[kristina411]

Yeah it never comes up. It did once in a very brief moment when he was talking about his friend but none else that I can recall since we hashed it out three months after the wedding

 

[ImaginaryDay]

This is one to let go. Our pasts reveal all kinds of sin in us, even as Christians. If we start to 'rank order' sin based on behavior, then we will never end making lists. This goes for ourselves as well as those we consciously/unconsciously make for others. If you are confident that this will not happen again, then be happy that you are content in your marriage now.

 

[kristina411]

This is one to let go. Our pasts reveal all kinds of sin in us, even as Christians. If we start to 'rank order' sin based on behavior, then we will never end making lists. This goes for ourselves as well as those we consciously/unconsciously make for others. If you are confident that this will not happen again, then be happy that you are content in your marriage now.

Thank you. Perhaps this can be a test for my self control. Even if it was a stripper after that night I highly doubt he would be in that position again. I will try to remember this and let it go.

 

[Ana the Ist]

But the more I think about it the more it seems his story isn't adding up quite right.

What parts of the story don't add up?

 

[DZoolander]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BS0T8Cd4UhA

 

[tenderheart1]

Let it go! You sound like your marriage is good and this was a one time thing. Really... you just need to get over it and forgive him for whatever it is you think he did. If you don't forgive, this will eat away at you. Besides... you can't control your husband. He is the only one who can control himself. There's nothing you can do about this.

 

[Inkachu]

This is something in the past that you have already CLAIMED you let go and moved past. Why are you suddenly wanting to bring it up again? Something is going on, or something has happened, that's made you want to revisit this thing. However, I implore you to LEAVE IT IN THE PAST. Why on earth would you be trying to find a reason to NOT trust your husband right now?? You cannot claim that something he did two years is a reason to not trust him today. That is crazy nonsense talk.

 

[ImaginaryDay]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BS0T8Cd4UhA

Really....?

(sorry - do carry on...)

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I think bachelor/bachelorette parties are wrong. Even if strippers arne't involved. It feels like its a party that basically says "Have fun one last time because after tonight your life will become terrible!". Its sort of a demeaning party.

As for the topic at hand of what he did/did not do. Its done now and nothing can change that. Just have to trust him now.