Scottie,
This is only my humble advice to you based on limited information, but if you have ears to hear it (as the Word says)...
Have you considered that maybe your husband is intimidated by you and by your behavior toward him, and more specifically, the way that you have drawn closer to the Lord and made changes in your life thus far? Speaking as a man myself (who is also in a struggling marriage) I can to tell you, if your husband doesn't feel that he's respected by you, he is probably intimidated (though he may never admit it) and also could feel like there's no way he could do what you're doing or live up to what youre expecting of him at this point. If you dont show your husband respect, even if he doesn't necessarily "deserve" it, he may be the type of person to just "shut-down", not wanting to do anything bad because he loves you, but also feeling helpless as he watches his wife and children grow and improve without him, feeling inadequate, etc. Generally speaking, if a man doesnt feel hes respected, especially by those whom he cares about, he will feel worthless; behaviors follow.
The important thing to remember as a Christian woman is that you need to let your husband see God's love in you and to show him God's love in your actions, especially toward him. God gave His son Jesus as a sacrifice for us, to die in our place, that we could have the choice to be reconciled to Him, when we DID NOT and DO NOT deserve it. The actions and attitude I am speaking of require a higher level of commitment and understanding via the Holy Spirit than many folks, even Christians can grasp, depending on where they are in their relationship with the Lord. As I have said to my friend MollyJ, many people dont understand what she and I are doing concerning our marriages, but we cant necessarily expect them to because I doubt either one of us would have understood what we are doing right now, even a year ago. The Lord has brought us to this place for a reason, and has given us understanding of the things we need to do through the Holy Spirit, i.e., it just makes sense somehow.
The most important thing you can do is to PRAY! Tell the Lord how you feel, ask Him your questions, express your concerns, and ask Him to show you what to do, how to do it and to give you eyes and ears to discern His will in your life. MollyJ had referred to the Restore Ministries website in her post, as I will now do as well. Seriously, if you want to be in Gods will and you care about your marriage, go to the website and at least read what they have to say on the main page. If you feel something just makes sense as you read what they have to say, this may be the Holy Spirit trying to help you know what to do. This is why you have to pray about it. EVERYTHING can be changed if you are willing to do what it takes and trust in God to help you by faith. Satan is trying to rip your family apart as he is also with many other marriages, especially Christian marriages are you going to let him win? He doesnt want you to discover the authority you have as a child of God and gain the power against him you can have as a family devoted to Christ. The choice is yours to make. God is there and wants to help you and your family, but sacrifice on your part is and will be required in order for your situation to change.
As much as you may think that you have done little or nothing to contribute to your current situation, believe me, there are things that you will need to work on and change. Im in the same boat. I started really seeking the Lord and spending time in prayer, and I asked the Lord to show me how my marriage had reached the point where it was at the time. He showed me how things happened, and showed me what I needed to change in myself FIRST, before He could start working in my wife. Please hear what Im saying. Make no mistake, this battle that you are in is a SPIRITUAL battle, much more than it is a physical one, and consequently it must be fought in the spirit through prayer and faith in God. You may have been fighting the battle in the physical realm thus far; has it worked? Have you seen any positive results?
Dont try to allure your husband by manipulating him or your situation, even with good intentions it can backfire. Be upfront and honest with him, tell him you love him and that you respect him and want your marriage to be better than it ever has been. Even if you don't have a lot of respect for your husband right now, the Bible says we can (this is concerning Abraham and his faith in God)...
Rom 4:17 LITV according as it has been written, "I have appointed you a father of many nations;" before God, whom he believed, the One making the dead live, and calling the things that are not as if they were. ...4:20-22 and did not stagger by unbelief at the promise of God, but was empowered by faith, giving glory to God, (21) and being fully persuaded that what He has promised, He is also able to do. (22) Because of this, "it was also counted to him for righteousness." Gen. 15:6
...we can call the things that are not, as though they are, by faith in God, in other words, you can speak things into existence by faith in God and His promises. By the same token, be mindful of the words you speak, even when you are alone; words are a powerful weapon that can be used for good and for bad.
The way you describe your husbands behavior toward you reminds me of how I felt when my wife was developing a negative attitude toward me (not to say thats what youre doing necessarily). Me being the type of guy that I was, her attitude and the way she treated me made me not want to be around her, even to be intimate. Perhaps this is why you can't understand his behavior...
Seek the Lord.
- blitzn