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Aspergers - Telling others

Aug 20, 2010
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Hi,

I need advice. I have temporarily relocated to a new area, and am planning on moving to another state. I decided when I came to this new area, I would not tell anybody about my Asperger's Syndrome and just try to act as normal as possible at my new Church congregation, and around this newer set of people.

I feel like I am living a double life. I try so hard to pretend to be normal. When I am in small group Bible study, when people are cross talking I find it very difficult to understand what is being said or what is going on; which is typical for me in most group settings. People eventually end up finding out odd things about me like me eating the same exact foods for several months on in.

I am planning to move out of state, I feel in one way that if I let out that I have Aspergers up front to people in the new state that it will be much easier for me to feel like I am in my own skin around people. However, as some other aspies on the spectrum, I look normal and can bre pretty passable as neurotypical, and I am pretty certain that there may be people who may doubt that I have aspergers, or think that I am making it up, or may disbelieve because I seem very high-functioning. Even though I appear very high functioning in many ways especially in social situations I am having a lot of trouble as I am in them.

Anyone have any experience with this? Should I have a tell all or tell no person mentality? Or should I just tell some? I feel like if I am going to have a deeper relationship with people it needs to be with the complete authentic me. I know I could just tell some people and not others, but it seems like again it may be like I am living a double life toward the other people who don't know.

Any thoughts?

Thanks.
 

dayhiker

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I've told quite a few people over the years. But today, I tell people when I see they are puzzled about and need an explanation as to why I don't something. I don't alway use the AS term. Just explain that this is how I function.

dayhiker
 
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Sabertooth

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I try to get a feel for where people are at. Like us, so many people our age have children, nieces and/or nephews on the spectrum. For those people, I just tell them that I have a milder form of the same thing.

Occasionally, I will run into some who don't recognize it as a valid condition. They are certain that we are just undisciplined, "spoiled" brats. I just clam up around those types. Sure, my behaviors might strike a nerve with them, but there is nothing I could say that would be an improvement...
 
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I understand about not telling people and wanting to pass as normal. I rarely tell people, because I don't like having to explain it and then everyone looks at you and it's very disorienting. I just pass off as being a quirky, somewhat serious introvert. If I have to say something, I'll often just let a few details go--about my sound sensitivities or strong visual memory or synesthesia. AS just gets too complicated to bother with, and I really don't have the patience to deal with people after five hours of teaching. And yes, I also think that people won't believe me because I'm so high-functioning (even though that functioning takes a ridiculous amount of effort).

It does feel lonely sometimes--I've mentioned to my husband that its hard to get close to others in the church because I can't fully disclose. It does feel like lying and a double life to me sometimes. I don't have a full solution for that. And then I speak to others who are quirky (though not AS) and they struggle with this things too, though not in the same way or degree.

I chalk it up to a broken world where relationships can't be everything they're supposed to be. This verse gives me hope--it's about the New Heaven and New Earth:

"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

-1 Corinthians 13:12
 
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