Hello Everyone,
I was active a while back in the Christian Advice Forum (mostly as giver of advice) but now I think I need some myself.
My wife and I have been married 35 years; I'm 58 and she's 61. Our two sons are grown and have given us 3 wonderful grandchildren. All of them are at least a 2-hour plane ride away.
I have my own business, and my wife is busy as a music minister and teaching piano.
My "worldly goal" is to have enough of a nest egg to exercise "discretionary time" (not necessarily retirement) by the time I'm 65.
In the last 3 months, I've felt a need to "right the wrongs" in our marriage such as asking my wife to be more gentle in her ways, being more considerate, and by generally being aware of how we can be better companions to each other.
I'm not perfect, but I do make a strong effort to be a good partner by being consciously upbeat/optimistic, courteous/polite, and overall pleasant to her. Sounds corny, but I think it matters.
For most of our married life, I feel that I've given in to what I consider to be rough treatment from her because, well, doing so was loving her. Now I'm thinking for us to survive and thrive in these remaining life chapters, a balance in our relationship is important. Either I continue taking the punches cheerfully or withdraw into glum acceptance, options that are probably common but which I won't accept.
It would seem that the person I love is stuck to quite a bit of negative behaviors (temper tantrums, dismissiveness, arrogance) that were apparent since we first met. They were buried in the business of raising a family but have since become a concern again now that we're empty nesters.
The good wife is a very devout Catholic, and though I'm a cradle Catholic myself and still hear Mass every week to give her guitar support when she plays piano, I'm a passionate Christian who likes to be reminded of His teachings on a constant basis (I memorized St. Paul's verses 4-8, Chapter 13, of his 1st letter to the Corinthians as my daily guideline for living).
While my wife has become more conscious of Christ's true intent (without stopping her novenas and following the RCC's other ritualistic practices), I'm finding myself a little bit more vocal and assertive about "doing the right thing" according to Jesus' teachings.
More recently, we've had fights as a result of maybe petty things. While I was having coffee one morning and listening to news radio, she comes down, turns the radio off without asking, and starts watching TV. On the way to church this weekend, she instructs - not requests - me to change the radio station I was listening to. Yesterday, I work on a project of hers for almost 2 hours and was told it was the wrong one but without telling me so before I started it.
Based on your experiences or observations of other couples who were happily married until the end, how does one manage it?
Grateful to know what you have to say. Male and (maybe more so) female inputs are most welcome...
I was active a while back in the Christian Advice Forum (mostly as giver of advice) but now I think I need some myself.
My wife and I have been married 35 years; I'm 58 and she's 61. Our two sons are grown and have given us 3 wonderful grandchildren. All of them are at least a 2-hour plane ride away.
I have my own business, and my wife is busy as a music minister and teaching piano.
My "worldly goal" is to have enough of a nest egg to exercise "discretionary time" (not necessarily retirement) by the time I'm 65.
In the last 3 months, I've felt a need to "right the wrongs" in our marriage such as asking my wife to be more gentle in her ways, being more considerate, and by generally being aware of how we can be better companions to each other.
I'm not perfect, but I do make a strong effort to be a good partner by being consciously upbeat/optimistic, courteous/polite, and overall pleasant to her. Sounds corny, but I think it matters.
For most of our married life, I feel that I've given in to what I consider to be rough treatment from her because, well, doing so was loving her. Now I'm thinking for us to survive and thrive in these remaining life chapters, a balance in our relationship is important. Either I continue taking the punches cheerfully or withdraw into glum acceptance, options that are probably common but which I won't accept.
It would seem that the person I love is stuck to quite a bit of negative behaviors (temper tantrums, dismissiveness, arrogance) that were apparent since we first met. They were buried in the business of raising a family but have since become a concern again now that we're empty nesters.
The good wife is a very devout Catholic, and though I'm a cradle Catholic myself and still hear Mass every week to give her guitar support when she plays piano, I'm a passionate Christian who likes to be reminded of His teachings on a constant basis (I memorized St. Paul's verses 4-8, Chapter 13, of his 1st letter to the Corinthians as my daily guideline for living).
While my wife has become more conscious of Christ's true intent (without stopping her novenas and following the RCC's other ritualistic practices), I'm finding myself a little bit more vocal and assertive about "doing the right thing" according to Jesus' teachings.
More recently, we've had fights as a result of maybe petty things. While I was having coffee one morning and listening to news radio, she comes down, turns the radio off without asking, and starts watching TV. On the way to church this weekend, she instructs - not requests - me to change the radio station I was listening to. Yesterday, I work on a project of hers for almost 2 hours and was told it was the wrong one but without telling me so before I started it.
Based on your experiences or observations of other couples who were happily married until the end, how does one manage it?
Grateful to know what you have to say. Male and (maybe more so) female inputs are most welcome...
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for your overcoming of these difficulties
