Artificial Insemination: Biblical or Not?

[FuzzyBunny]

My husband has no sperm due to a genetic disorder. He's fine otherwise. We are considering artificial insemination from an anonymous donor sperm. We've done some research and have found positions that say its unbiblical because it's akin to adultery ( i.e. bringing a third party into the marriage bond) and positions that say its fine and still others that say it's up to the individual to decide.

We are very confused and lost. We even talked to our pastor and he did not have any answers.

Has anyone gone through this? Any advice?

Annie

 

[Linnis]

I do not think it's cheating. You aren't going out and having sex with the sperm donor! Some people will make anything out to be worse than it is. If you'd like to have a child, go ahead.

 

[AngeliaTurner]

I agree. I do not think that there is anything wrong with that at all.

 

[gracefaith]

You know, I've heard this arguement before and I will restrain myself from using very strong language about how I really feel about it.

You are not having a relationship with the tube of sperm. You are not making love to it, lusting after it, thinking about leaving your husband for it. How is AI any different than a blood transfusion or an organ transplant? Is it adultery to do either of those things because they bring 'a third party' into it?

I really REALLY think calling AI adultery is ridiculous.

 

[RN4CHRIST]

I don't believe that AI is any way akin to adultery. Adultery is lusting after( in a sexual way) or acting on those lusts with someone besides your mate. You are using a medical intervention to bring a life into your marriage. I agree, it is no different than blood transfusion or organ transplants.

 

[BananaCake]

Hmm, I may have to disagree with others here.

I've been thinking about it since I read this yesterday and wondering why it made me so uncomfortable. I think the main reason it is disconcerting to me is that a man has to touch (which most would consider sin) into a cup for money in order for you to get the sperm in the first place. No, I wouldn't say it's adultery, but still possibly isn't God's best for you.


I'm glad you're consulting your pastor on this, even though he didn't have adviec for you. You should ask other close friends who know you really well to advise you and to pray for you. And pray that God would reveal His best to you. Often, what we think is good can be the enemy of God's best.

I understand the desire to give birth to a child, but why not adopt? In the meantime, I'd be praying. If God can make the blind see and the lame walk, as well as the barren woman have a child, can't He also give the spermless sperm?

Praying for you!

 

[ChildByGrace]

Hmm, I may have to disagree with others here.

I've been thinking about it since I read this yesterday and wondering why it made me so uncomfortable. I think the main reason it is disconcerting to me is that a man has to touch (which most would consider sin) into a cup for money in order for you to get the sperm in the first place. No, I wouldn't say it's adultery, but still possibly isn't God's best for you.


I'm glad you're consulting your pastor on this, even though he didn't have adviec for you. You should ask other close friends who know you really well to advise you and to pray for you. And pray that God would reveal His best to you. Often, what we think is good can be the enemy of God's best.

I understand the desire to give birth to a child, but why not adopt? In the meantime, I'd be praying. If God can make the blind see and the lame walk, as well as the barren woman have a child, can't He also give the spermless sperm?

Praying for you!

I agree with this.

Also i believe that a child should be born of two natural parents. I know that you husband will be the father to all intents but he won't be the natural father. To me the idea of someone else fathering my children for my husband to bring up doesn't sit right with me.

It's hard because that situation isn't really mentioned in the bible so there is no passage to point you to.

 

[Mum2Be]

Its definitely a tough one - and there doesn't appear to be any biblical scripture strongly indicating one thing or another. I think it is going to come down to a lot of prayer and patience...

Personally, I dont have a problem with AI. You are doing it for the right reasons - your heart is in the right place. There is no third person in your marriage bed and providing your husband doesn't feel 'replaced' as the father figure then I dont see anything wrong with using modern technologies to conceive.

 

[Jillymac]

Hmm, I may have to disagree with others here.

I've been thinking about it since I read this yesterday and wondering why it made me so uncomfortable. I think the main reason it is disconcerting to me is that a man has to touch (which most would consider sin) into a cup for money in order for you to get the sperm in the first place. No, I wouldn't say it's adultery, but still possibly isn't God's best for you.


I'm glad you're consulting your pastor on this, even though he didn't have adviec for you. You should ask other close friends who know you really well to advise you and to pray for you. And pray that God would reveal His best to you. Often, what we think is good can be the enemy of God's best.

I understand the desire to give birth to a child, but why not adopt? In the meantime, I'd be praying. If God can make the blind see and the lame walk, as well as the barren woman have a child, can't He also give the spermless sperm?

Praying for you!

I have to agree with this also. If God can make the barren woman get pregnant then he can give sperm to a man without any.

It's so frustrating to wonder how long that will take but (and i'm talking to myself as much as anyone here) that we must wait on God for what He wants us to do or what He will and wants to bless us with

 

[gracefaith]

Okay, I think there is a difference between calling AI 'adultery' and saying there are ethical/moral complications involved. One is definitely a sin. The other just calls on the people involved to think critically and deeply before making a decision.

I don't believe your only choice in the case of barreness it to suck it up and wait for a naturally occuring miracle. God uses the miracle of technology everyday and it's up to the individual (or, in this case, the couple) to decide if utilizing this technology is part of His plan for them. I don't think this something we can know as outsiders, so assuming that the choice is always a sign of a lack of faith is rather presumptuous.

In the end, I think this is between them and God. Given the right motivations, I don't see how this is any more ethically problematic than any other form of adoption.

 

[ChildByGrace]

Okay, I think there is a difference between calling AI 'adultery' and saying there are ethical/moral complications involved. One is definitely a sin. The other just calls on the people involved to think critically and deeply before making a decision.

I don't believe your only choice in the case of barreness it to suck it up and wait for a naturally occuring miracle. God uses the miracle of technology everyday and it's up to the individual (or, in this case, the couple) to decide if utilizing this technology is part of His plan for them. I don't think this something we can know as outsiders, so assuming that the choice is always a sign of a lack of faith is rather presumptuous.

In the end, I think this is between them and God. Given the right motivations, I don't see how this is any more ethically problematic than any other form of adoption.

I agree that it is down to the couple involved to pray and take God's leading.

For myself i wouldn't use a sperm or egg doner because i would want the baby to be 100% ours.

I know that it is, or should be, highly unlikely but i would hate to have an arguement years down the line and to one or other of us to say words to the effect of 'well it's not your baby anyway'

I also have a burden for orphens and i belive that if a couple cannot conceive using their own sperm and egg then they should look into adoption - there are 1000's of children out there who would love to be loved by any one of us

 

[BananaCake]

I don't believe your only choice in the case of barreness it to suck it up and wait for a naturally occuring miracle. God uses the miracle of technology everyday and it's up to the individual (or, in this case, the couple) to decide if utilizing this technology is part of His plan for them. I don't think this something we can know as outsiders, so assuming that the choice is always a sign of a lack of faith is rather presumptuous.

In the end, I think this is between them and God. Given the right motivations, I don't see how this is any more ethically problematic than any other form of adoption.

I didn't say using AI was a sign of a lack of faith, and I don't think anyone else is saying that. I can see you have passionate feelings about this, as do others.

I know heterosexual couples that have used AI, but none of them were Christians. I have not been in her shoes, but I have decided long ago what I would do if I were, and I would never resort to using IVF or AI. The thought of my husband or anything else masturbating into a cup in order to have a child is not appealling at all to me, especially when there are so many needy children out there looking for parents and families.

In the end, it is between them and God, but she's asking for our advice and thoughts on the topic. So we're sharing from our hearts, just as you are.

Ultimately, if pure and faultless religion is to look after orphans (James 1:27), isn't adoption just as high of a calling as conceiving a child? So why not put things in motion for adoption while waiting to see if God gives you a child naturally? Sarah laughed at the possibility of having achild, but God responded "Is anything too hard for the LORD?"

 

[BookwormPrincess]

Hi Annie,
I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you and your husband. If I were you, part of me would want to do whatever it takes to have children and the pregnancy experience.

I think only you and your husband can truly decide what is the right thing to do by relying on the Holy Spirit to guide your conscience.

If it were me, the idea of a sperm donor just doesn't fit right in my heart - I wouldn't want to have child that was biologically my own but not my husbands, although I so want to experience the miracle of a pregnancy and birth. (On the funny or not so funny side can you imagine comments like "He's got his Dad's nose!" etc.)

I know that we have made great advances in science and medicine, but I have to say that not all knowledge we gain is good. A friend once said to me when I expressed concern over IVF "God gave us the knowledge of how to do it, so he must want us to use it", but that just isn't true (no offence to my friend). Knowledge can be good and bad - just look at the atomic bomb!

I have had a burden for adoption for a long time, and was reminded by a friend that I can still have children in my life even if my husband and I never conceive. God has given us these desires for family, He will fulfil them but just maybe not the way we think (I'm speaking to myself here too).

God Bless x

 

[charityagape]

I don't have a problem with AI, but there is also another option. Adopting embryos.

 

[someone_else]

*****please not this is not directed at anyone its just my feeling on the subject in general*********

i think that i all of the threads i have read on this topic or similer there is a common thought from many people and that is that 'if god wants you to fall pregant you will' and all those other type of comments. can i just say that being a person who has her own health problems in this area i would like to tell those people that unless you are in that situation you could never understand the heartache that we feel. so please when you want to give advice be mindfull of their pain.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I have to agree with S_E here... Please read over her post, there's a lot of wisdom there!

Also, I see a lot of people talking 'up' adoption. I have to post a word of warning here.

Just because you are 'saving' a child from a life of heartache does NOT mean you are free from ethical/moral dilemmas or other 'grey' issues.

As someone who is looking into this in GREAT detail with her husband - I can tell you that it can be JUST as ethically challenging as AI or any other way of having a baby other than 'you and hubby conceiving naturally'.

Please don't make it sound so easy! It is a very tough process; there are LOADS of issues to work through (from all different angles) - and it really bothers me when people say 'haven't you considered adoption' - as if it cuts out all the ethical/moral/traumatic issues other options might have.

It is NOT the magical 'answer' to tricky questions - often it can bring a lot more up, that end up being far more painful than AI or IVF or any other artificial way of creating life could possibly be.

It is dangerous to me to hear so many people put this forward as a solution, as if it is simple and care-free and 'the best possible option'. That really isn't the case in the majority of instances.

Just a friendly warning!

Sasch

 

[BananaCake]

I don't necessarily think any of us are trying to give easy or pat answers. I think any of the choices involved need to be talked through and prayed through. I'd even consider adopting an embryo before artificial insemination. To me, that seems like saving a life without having to deal with some of the moral dilemnas surrounding AI. Let me tell you - when President Bush addressed the snowflake babies (that's what adopted embryos are called) and their parents after vetoing the embryonic stem cell bill, I wept at the thought of all those saved babies!

Adoption definitely is not easy! But it is an option that we have today. In Biblical times, those who were barren or couldn't conceive just never had a child. Well, except for Sarah, who took matters into her own hands and had her husband inseminate her handmaiden. I think what all of us are trying to say is don't rush into anything - instead, seek the Lord. Take a year to think about it. That's what a cousin of mine did with his wife, and they conceived almost right away after being told they would never have a child naturally! And they're not even believers.

 

[someone_else]

lol ok so i have to laugh at the comment 'take a year to think about it' its a very very good idea although i know for me that its just a little funny as i knew about my health problems when i was just 15, but i do know that for many they dont know about it untill they start trying to concive

 

[BookwormPrincess]

Please don't make it sound so easy! It is a very tough process; there are LOADS of issues to work through (from all different angles) - and it really bothers me when people say 'haven't you considered adoption' - as if it cuts out all the ethical/moral/traumatic issues other options might have.

It is NOT the magical 'answer' to tricky questions - often it can bring a lot more up, that end up being far more painful than AI or IVF or any other artificial way of creating life could possibly be.

It is dangerous to me to hear so many people put this forward as a solution, as if it is simple and care-free and 'the best possible option'. That really isn't the case in the majority of instances.

Just a friendly warning!

Sasch

Sasch, I hope you don't mind me quoting you here. I don't believe that any of us here would ever say that adoption is the easy option or solution. I agree with you that the whole process could be extremely stressful, even more so that ttc naturally. And of-course once the child is legally adopted (which can take years to get to that point if I understand correctly) there will be other issuess to be faced throughout their life from telling the child about their adoption, learning about birth parents etc.

I have a friend who was adopted at the age of 7 after being in a children's home for most of her early childhood. Recently she has had to face the heartache of deciding whether to track down her birth parents which brings home the ramifications of adoption. My friend has a wonderful relationship with her adoptive parents, who are of-course just Mum and Dad, and she feels that she has been blessed because she got to 'choose' her family which makes their love all the more special. I'm not trying to make this all pink and fluffy because I know that she has had to come to terms with a lot of heartache brought on by the rejection of her birth parents, but God is healing her bit by bit, just as he does with all of us. Her adoptive parents aren't perfect either, they are just a normal family with their ups and downs. All of us, whether natural parents or adoptive parents, can only be 'good enough' parents.

The more I think about it, I believe choosing to adopt is like a calling God gives you, in a similar way to be called to be single, or to be a missionary or anthing really that means you know this is something God has asked of you and equipped you for. In the case of adoption, you have to be for it 110% because of the demands it brings. For me, I feel it is so precious because it is exactly what God did for us - adopted us as His own and called us His children.

I think the reason people ask "have you considered adoption" is because for those people adoption is something close to their heart, perhaps even a calling they are considering themselves. For others the thought wouldn't even enter their mind.
But also, as fellow sufferers in this life, we all would love to be able to help our friends in their suffering and make things better. I have had to come to terms with people offering me advice and 'solutions' about my chronic illness which can sometimes be more painful to hear that a simple "I'm sorry it's hard for you right now", so perhaps I should have known better in this case. I hope I didn't offend anyone.

I also think about adoption a lot because I find the idea of IVF difficult, and I wouldn't be able to go ahead with it myself. I guess it all depends on when we believe life begins, and I just find it hard to think about embryos being created and then stored or disregarded.

It's not at all black and white is it? But the Lord has promised to guide our steps if we trust in Him with all our hearts and acknowledge Him in every decision, every step we take.

God bless (I hope I haven't rambled too much)

p.s. sorry for making this thread about adoption rather than AI.

 

[BookwormPrincess]

*****please not this is not directed at anyone its just my feeling on the subject in general*********

i think that i all of the threads i have read on this topic or similer there is a common thought from many people and that is that 'if god wants you to fall pregant you will' and all those other type of comments. can i just say that being a person who has her own health problems in this area i would like to tell those people that unless you are in that situation you could never understand the heartache that we feel. so please when you want to give advice be mindfull of their pain.

I wanted to respond to this the other day because I understand your sentiments so much. I hear that a lot "if God wants you to such and such (could be anything, e.g. become pg or be healed) then it will happen". I tell you this can hurt so much because if that was the case I wouldn't have suffered with chronic pain for 14 years, because I just cannot believe that God wants me to be in constant pain - it goes against the compassionate Father God I know.

God didn't want us to live in a world of sin, he didn't want us to be separated from Him by that sin, but it happened as a consequence of our free will. God doens't want all this pain, and I truly believe that as a Father, God would love each and every one of His children to experience the joy of family, just as He has. But until Jesus comes again and satan is locked away for good, we have to live in this fallen world with the consequences of sin - pain and hurt and suffering, which means that some of God's children will experience that pain too.

But thank God that He will always provide the strength we need to get through whatever life throws at us and that God has already blessed us more than we can possibly imagine (Ephesians). I am slowly learning that "the Joy of the Lord is my strength" is really true and possible. We can have that Joy way deep down and still be hurting profoundly, and yet even in the depths of dispair we can know that our soul is in God's faithful hands and He loves us.

Remembering that we are not citizens of this world and that someday we will be in Heaven with our Lord is what gets me through when my prayers for healing, or a family or whatever is hurting me the most, are not answered in the way I want. But thinking that "if God wants it to happen it will" doesn't really help at all, although I know our brothers and sisters will say this from a good heart and a heart that wants to help, I bet I have even said it myself at some point - you kind of learn all the Christian 'sayings' when you grow up in church!