Arranged Marriage??

[Life2Christ]

If someone could arrange a spouse for you tomorrow (sight unseen) that loved Jesus as much as you do, would you marry them or take your chances to find your own mate?

Honestly, if it was me, I would pick the arranged marriage.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I'm too old to consider sight unseen anything. So I would take my chances. Of course I have made alot of mistakes in life so I could be making another one if I don't take the arranged marriage, but still.....

 

[dayhiker]

I enjoy the process of finding someone that I enjoy spending time with too much to just have some one else just set it up and let it go at that.

 

[Life2Christ]

I enjoy the process of finding someone that I enjoy spending time with too much to just have some one else just set it up and let it go at that.

You do? You enjoy the *process*? I think I just fainted.

 

[dayhiker]

lol@life ... Well, I like meeting new people and hearing their story. I used to be pretty uncomfortable meeting new people, but that is all past now.

 

[blackribbon]

Whose doing the arranging? At this age, I don't think very many people (if any) "know" me to the point where I'd trust someone to make that decision. I'm not innocent and 18 anymore.

I also want a good physical relationship and don't know I'd leave that to chance either...there are plenty great guys but I don't know that I'd want most to touch me...and I'm not a spring chicken anymore and would want a man who actually finds me attractive...

 

[PetLuv]

I am not all that interested in being married, so I think I'd pass on it.

Loving Jesus is not going to mean you will get along with someone or even like them. I come across people that I do not care for personally, but that in no way makes them less of a good person.

 

[BigMat]

That's an Interesting question. On some levels it would be tempting. I am coming up on that 40 year mark with alarming velocity and am not even close to finding anyone. Being single and alone is oftentimes an excruciating state of agony to have to endure. On the other hand, as miserable and agonizing as singleness can be, I think its worst moments are probably an utter haven compared to being stuck with the wrong person. The possibility of being even more dissatisfied, unhappy, and unfulfilled than I already am is a gamble I cannot afford to take so I would decline.

The only exception to this is if it were God himself who was arranging the marriage. I would consider it then. I wouldn't necessarily accept but, I would consider it.

 

[dayhiker]

I am so amazed at how we are so fearful of marriage. I guess I'd be as well if I felt I had to let society define what a committed marriage was/has to be. As a mature person and one who knows I'm as concern for the well being of a partner as I'd be for myself, it became clear to me that we should talk together an decide what we wanted our relationship to be. No where does the Bible says this is what a marriage is with a 10 or 20 point power slide show defining all aspects of a marriage relationship. So that says to me the woman I find to hang out with and I can define what our relationship will be. So I'm not afraid of it any more. Now if we get together and can't define it to be something that works for both of us, then we can move on. We might be emotionally disappointed, but we wouldn't have deceived each other to try to get something we want. And we wouldn't have made promises that we feel obligated to make to each other because the church or society has said this is the way to do it.

I'm finding my relationships have no fear and a lot of respect when they are handled this way.

 

[blackribbon]

Marriage has a legal definition too....

 

[dayhiker]

true, but to my knowledge the legal def says almost nothing about how they are to life daily as a married couple.

 

[BlindDidymus]

Good on you. Arranged marriages were certainly favoured in biblical times and it is a pity they are not more common now. You show the faith of Isaac, who had the most successful marriage in the Holy Bible, by trusting God so much

That said, arranged marriages do not have to mean that the people don't know one another at all. Plenty of arranged marriages take place between people who do know one another and often this can help them settle into living together. As Grandma says, it helps to be good friends first.

In answer to your question, if the person arranging it was God then sure. But coming from a non-Christian family I have been busier searching for the Lord than anyone on this earth only.

 

[blackribbon]

Are arranged marriages the marriages of the Bible? Esau and Jacob both found their own wives (I assume that Isaac didn't chose a non-Jew for Esau). Moses found his own wife. Esther was sent to the king for him to pick....Ruth chose Boaz (not sure about her first marriage) ....David & Solomon (and their multiple wives) .... Mary & Joseph? ... nothing says it was arranged and Joseph had the choice to reject her after she was found to be pregnant ...

I don't think that I can come up with hardly any known arranged marriages in the Bible. Anyone?

 

[Life2Christ]

I don't think that I can come up with hardly any known arranged marriages in the Bible. Anyone?

What about Jacob and Leah (was that her name)? Her father had to marry him off to the sisters before he married Rachel.

 

[BlindDidymus]

Esau was condemned for the wives he chose.
Jacob's marriage to Rachel was arranged through Laban who tricked him into marrying Leah first.
The marriage of Moses was arranged by Jethro who gave his daughter to him.
Esther's marriage was most clearly arranged at the behest of the king.
Ruth, as the NT states about all widows, was free to marry any whom she might choose.
Though many of the kings of Israel were polygamous, this was against the Law of Moses which God gave. It explicitly states that the king should not multiple wives to himself. As such, their actions as kings in regards to marriage can not be held up as an ideal situation nor one that God approves of.

Church tradition in all the ancient Churches teaches that the marriage of St Mary the Virgin and St Joseph the Elder (who was a widower) was arranged. This was so that the maid would be able to live with the old man after the time came when she would no longer be permitted to stay in the Temple. St Mary was given to serve the Temple as a child yet once she passed the flower of her age, the Law did not allow for her to remain there through periods of uncleanness. The Jews commonly had the arrangement that such maids would marry honorable elderly men whom they could help by taking care of them during their last days and then they would inherit enough so as to survive as virgins continually serving the Temple. So yes, the marriage of St Mary and St Joseph was arranged according to the historical Christian Faith.

What we do know and agree on though, is that God arranged the marriage of Adam and his wife If this is how God started things, and God made all things good, who changed and made things not so good?

 

[blackribbon]

An arranged marriage is not one where the man says his preference and then makes a contract with the father...which is Jacob's, Moses, Esther, etc...

An arranged marriage is when the two sets of parents get together and match the children...the only choice they have is in whether or not to agree to the arrangement. Sometimes they don't get that much.

The ones listed are not that much different than what we have...the man goes out and finds a woman that he believes is attractive and a good potential mate...and then asks the dad (verses the woman) for her hand.

Yes...God did match Adam and Eve. And man/sin/rebellion made things not so good.

As for Mary and Joseph..."church tradition" must be unique to your denomination because I have never heard that. I am not saying it is wrong...but I'm not convinced. I have never heard that Joseph was a widower or older either. I also personally don't believe that Mary was a virgin after Jesus was born and I do believe that he had siblings. I do not have an issue with your belief though.

 

[iambren]

Could we arrange two marriages...just to hedge my bets?


Actually my track record is deplorable but STILL I want to pick the person lying next to me every night.

 

[BlindDidymus]

Peace blackribbon, thank you for agreeing that God created arranged marriages and that other systems are not so good

The marriage of Isaac was not arranged by the parents of each. They didn't even meet one another. The servant of Abraham arranged it with God's guidance.

An arranged marriage does not have to mean that those involved know nothing of one another beforehand. Indeed, it is better if they do know one another so as to be able to assess how well suited they are to one another. An arranged marriage simply means that the choice of who will marry is made by a third party rather than solely by the mutual consent of the two who marry.

Perhaps things are different in your country but in most Western societies a man no longer ask's the father of a lady for her hand in marriage; he only asks the lady herself and the decision is entirely up to her. Her parents may not even know anything of the man before she is already engaged.

In circumstances where the father must grant permission for his daughter to marry, then he is the third party making the decision about who she will marry and so this is a form of arranged marriage. Her only choice is whether to agree or not after her father has selected/approved a husband for her. One may well argue that it is only arranged on her side of the family, but nonetheless it could not happen at all without the agreement of her father and so if it is "half-arranged" then it must be counted as being arranged.

The tradition about St Mary and St Joseph is known to all apostolic Churches including all Orthodox Churches, the Roman Catholic Church and the Assyrian Church of the East.
Even Luther, Calvin, Knox and the vast majority of the founders of Protestantism agreed that St Mary always remained a virgin. The writings of the earliest Christians are clear that the brothers of the Lord meant his close male relatives, just as Genesis says that Abraham and Lot were brothers even though they were uncle and nephew by our reckoning. Moreso, had St Mary had other children, why would Christ have left her in the care of St John when He was crucified? In the culture of the time it would have been the duty of her children to care for her seeing her husband had died of old age by then.

 

[blackribbon]

From the Oxford Dictionary:

arranged marriage

Syllabification: (ar·ranged mar·riage)
noun

a marriage planned and agreed to by the families or guardians of the bride and groom, who have little or no say in the matter themselves.


So no, it isn't a third party and the groom...it is a marriage arranged by people other than the bride and groom and yes, they may know each other but they might not. This is not the usual Biblical marriage arrangement. And even Adam and Eve got to pick each other...however, they were design for each other so that was a given.

I do come from a subculture where the gentlemen often do ask the father before they ask the bride. I don't say this is the only way...but it still does exist. I hope my son will do it this way.

 

[BlindDidymus]

It would seem that we have a disagreement about how the term "arranged marriage" is defined

The Cambridge Dictionary gives the following definition:
a marriage in which the parents choose who their son or daughter will marry

By this definition the marriage need only be arranged by the parents of one spouse-to-be, not both. As such, if a daughter's marriage partner is chosen by her father then as far as she is concerned, it is arranged, regardless of whether or not she knew her husband-to-be beforehand. Her only choice is whether to agree to the marriage or not.

That said, I consider both the definitions of Cambridge and Oxford to be lacking.

Sun Myung Moon was well known for the marriages he arranged and conducted en mass. These couples were matched by him as a religious leader without any input from the families of the couples. Yet seeing some of those married did not so much as speak the same language as one another, yet alone know anything of one another, such marriages could hardly be called anything else other than arranged marriages could they?

Whilst it may lack academic respectability, Wikipedia is often more accurate in defining concepts such as this because it is able to be edited by anyone due to the discussions which arise surrounding how such things are best defined. It's article on arranged marriage begins by saying that it is one where the bride and groom are selected by a third party rather than by each other. It goes on to say that the third party may be
parents, a matchmaking agent, matrimonial site, a religious leader, relatives, family friends or another trusted third party.

Regarding Adam & Eve, Genesis 2:22 says that God brought her unto the man, not unlike how a father bring his betrothed daughter to her groom. As such, I disagree with you regarding this because our first parents had no choice whatsoever in whom they would marry seeing the first they knew of one another they were being married by God.

The marriage of Dinah and Shechem (which didn't go ahead due to his death) was arranged by their fathers, with her brothers having some say in the matter (Genesis 34).

St Paul, in 1st Corinthians 7:36-8, speaks as though it is the right of a father to choose whether or not and to whom his daughter should be married.

It is heartening to know that you come from a culture where lads ask the father before asking the bride. Yet in some ways I can't help but think it a pity that this shadow of the process of arranging marriages is now considered conservative.