Take this quiz to find out if you are an evolutionist!
1. The Bible contains both literal statements and poetry, in the form of allegory, simile, metaphor, hyperbole, etc. How do you know when to interpret something as literal and when not to do so?
A. It is all literal.
B. It is all poetry.
C. It depends upon the context and the literary devices being used in that context.
D. Regardless of the literary devices or context, the Bible should be considered entirely allegory except for those passages which must be interpreted literally in order to make Bible believers look like idiots who believe in a flat earth.
2. While fossil-hunting, you turn over a rock to find a swiss watch. You examine the complex inner workings of this device and conclude...
A. That it was designed by a swiss watchmaker.
B. That it is a fake designed by a japanese watchmaker.
C. That the watchmaker, whoever he was, was blind.
D. That the watch evolved from surrounding mineral deposits.
3. The fossil record contains...
A. Thousands of wonderful transitionals.
B. No transitionals at all.
C. A small number of fossils we believe may be transitionals.
D. A constantly varying number of transitionals, depending on the needs of the situation. For example it contains thousands of perfect transitionals when arguing with creationists, but only a few questionable transitionals when trying to bolster the credibility of punk eek.
4. DNA evidence proves common ancestry because...
A. All living things have genes, therefore we all descended from Levi Strauss.
B. Both chimps and humans like bananas, which demonstrates common ancestry, since their DNA would only cause them to like to eat bananas if they shared a common ancestor that liked to eat bananas.
C. Chimps and humans share about half their DNA with bananas. This not only explains common ancestry, it verifies the saying, "You are what you eat."
D. DNA contains mistakes that we perfect humans would never make, therefore a perfect creator could not have made these mistakes. This is not falsified if you believe in G~d, because although a perrfect creator would not design DNA with mistakes, it is perfectly logial that the same creator would intentionally set in process a thing called "evolution" which produces the same mistakes in DNA by accident.
5. We have strong evidence that a clam has evolved into a clam. It is therefore perfectly logical to extrapolate from that evidence the conclusion...
A. That clams evolved into whales, since both live underwater.
B. That clams evolved into whales because clam shells contain calcium, and a whales tooth contains calcium.
C. That steamed clams taste better than fried clams.
D. That man evolved from a primordial soup, such as New England clam chowder.
6. Someone finds a well-preserved magnolia leaf in a fossil assumed to be 17 million years old. Someone suggests that the organic material should be carbon-dated to test the assumption that the fossil really is 17 million years old. Your reaction should be...
A. Insist that no test is necessary, since the age of the fossil based on the geologic column is a well-accepted fact, and only an idiot would need to make such a test.
B. Find a Bible verse that shows that the person who suggested the fossil may not be 17 million years old must also believe in a flat earth.
C. Investigate the person's educational background and belittle it.
D. All of the above.
7. Spontaneous generation has been observed for ages. Someone suggests that spontaneous generation may not be true, but some other process is responsible for things like worms suddenly appearing in sugar. Your reaction should be...
A. Insist that no test is necessary, since spontaneous generation is a well-accepted fact and only an idiot would need to make such a test.
B. Find a Bible verse that shows that the person who suggested spontaneous generation is not true must also believe in a flat earth.
C. Investigate the person's educational background and belittle it.
D. All of the above.
8. Why is the Bible's account of creation missing any conceivable reference to evolution?
A. Because creationists cut that part out of the Bible.
B. Because it is actually a collection of myths from civilizations all over the world that didn't communicate these myths to one another.
C. Because it was dumbed down to make sense to shepards whose only scientific achievement was to build the Great Pyramid of Giza by gluing together 14-ton stone blocks arranged to within half a hair's breadth tolerance.
D. All of the above.
9. You find out that your conclusion that you'd found a "missing links" in human evolution is based on the tooth of an extinct pig. Your reaction should be...
A. Go back to the dig site and find some other bone upon which to make the same claim.
B. Claim that this "missing link" was eating the extinct pig when it died and was fossilized.
C. Rework your evolutionary trees to place extinct pigs just below humans.
D. Justify evolution by saying that the only reason you could make such a mistake is because pig teeth and human teeth are similar due to common ancestry.
10. A creationist article makes strong claims against evolution that are impossible to refute. You should...
A. Read the article and find something to criticize, such as spelling errors.
B. Find another similar article that does contain errors and falsify the first article by exposing the errors in the second.
C. Visit the library where the author lives to see if he ever returned any books late and failed to pay the late fee, and then use that to discredit him.
D. Make false claims about the author's works without actually reading them or listening to them, since few people will check to see if your
claims are correct or not.
11. Evolution is true because...
A. The evidence doesn't support it.
B. It's based entirely on imagination.
C. G~d doesn't exist.
D. People who believe it are highly educated.
How to calculate your score: Submit your answers to an evolutionist, who will discard them and decide if you are an evolutionist based on his imagination, since no real evidence is necessary to come to any conclusions.
1. The Bible contains both literal statements and poetry, in the form of allegory, simile, metaphor, hyperbole, etc. How do you know when to interpret something as literal and when not to do so?
A. It is all literal.
B. It is all poetry.
C. It depends upon the context and the literary devices being used in that context.
D. Regardless of the literary devices or context, the Bible should be considered entirely allegory except for those passages which must be interpreted literally in order to make Bible believers look like idiots who believe in a flat earth.
2. While fossil-hunting, you turn over a rock to find a swiss watch. You examine the complex inner workings of this device and conclude...
A. That it was designed by a swiss watchmaker.
B. That it is a fake designed by a japanese watchmaker.
C. That the watchmaker, whoever he was, was blind.
D. That the watch evolved from surrounding mineral deposits.
3. The fossil record contains...
A. Thousands of wonderful transitionals.
B. No transitionals at all.
C. A small number of fossils we believe may be transitionals.
D. A constantly varying number of transitionals, depending on the needs of the situation. For example it contains thousands of perfect transitionals when arguing with creationists, but only a few questionable transitionals when trying to bolster the credibility of punk eek.
4. DNA evidence proves common ancestry because...
A. All living things have genes, therefore we all descended from Levi Strauss.
B. Both chimps and humans like bananas, which demonstrates common ancestry, since their DNA would only cause them to like to eat bananas if they shared a common ancestor that liked to eat bananas.
C. Chimps and humans share about half their DNA with bananas. This not only explains common ancestry, it verifies the saying, "You are what you eat."
D. DNA contains mistakes that we perfect humans would never make, therefore a perfect creator could not have made these mistakes. This is not falsified if you believe in G~d, because although a perrfect creator would not design DNA with mistakes, it is perfectly logial that the same creator would intentionally set in process a thing called "evolution" which produces the same mistakes in DNA by accident.
5. We have strong evidence that a clam has evolved into a clam. It is therefore perfectly logical to extrapolate from that evidence the conclusion...
A. That clams evolved into whales, since both live underwater.
B. That clams evolved into whales because clam shells contain calcium, and a whales tooth contains calcium.
C. That steamed clams taste better than fried clams.
D. That man evolved from a primordial soup, such as New England clam chowder.
6. Someone finds a well-preserved magnolia leaf in a fossil assumed to be 17 million years old. Someone suggests that the organic material should be carbon-dated to test the assumption that the fossil really is 17 million years old. Your reaction should be...
A. Insist that no test is necessary, since the age of the fossil based on the geologic column is a well-accepted fact, and only an idiot would need to make such a test.
B. Find a Bible verse that shows that the person who suggested the fossil may not be 17 million years old must also believe in a flat earth.
C. Investigate the person's educational background and belittle it.
D. All of the above.
7. Spontaneous generation has been observed for ages. Someone suggests that spontaneous generation may not be true, but some other process is responsible for things like worms suddenly appearing in sugar. Your reaction should be...
A. Insist that no test is necessary, since spontaneous generation is a well-accepted fact and only an idiot would need to make such a test.
B. Find a Bible verse that shows that the person who suggested spontaneous generation is not true must also believe in a flat earth.
C. Investigate the person's educational background and belittle it.
D. All of the above.
8. Why is the Bible's account of creation missing any conceivable reference to evolution?
A. Because creationists cut that part out of the Bible.
B. Because it is actually a collection of myths from civilizations all over the world that didn't communicate these myths to one another.
C. Because it was dumbed down to make sense to shepards whose only scientific achievement was to build the Great Pyramid of Giza by gluing together 14-ton stone blocks arranged to within half a hair's breadth tolerance.
D. All of the above.
9. You find out that your conclusion that you'd found a "missing links" in human evolution is based on the tooth of an extinct pig. Your reaction should be...
A. Go back to the dig site and find some other bone upon which to make the same claim.
B. Claim that this "missing link" was eating the extinct pig when it died and was fossilized.
C. Rework your evolutionary trees to place extinct pigs just below humans.
D. Justify evolution by saying that the only reason you could make such a mistake is because pig teeth and human teeth are similar due to common ancestry.
10. A creationist article makes strong claims against evolution that are impossible to refute. You should...
A. Read the article and find something to criticize, such as spelling errors.
B. Find another similar article that does contain errors and falsify the first article by exposing the errors in the second.
C. Visit the library where the author lives to see if he ever returned any books late and failed to pay the late fee, and then use that to discredit him.
D. Make false claims about the author's works without actually reading them or listening to them, since few people will check to see if your
claims are correct or not.
11. Evolution is true because...
A. The evidence doesn't support it.
B. It's based entirely on imagination.
C. G~d doesn't exist.
D. People who believe it are highly educated.
How to calculate your score: Submit your answers to an evolutionist, who will discard them and decide if you are an evolutionist based on his imagination, since no real evidence is necessary to come to any conclusions.
