Are these feelings right or wrong?

[ComesoonmyLORD]

Ok guys, I had a recent situation that I would really like some feedback from some of you on. Last night, my oldest three children and I attended the last night of a revival at my old hometown church. This is the church that my Ginger and I were members at for several years before moving to where I live now. I hadn't been there in a long time and wanted to go back for a visit. Of course there were many many old faces and friends that I hadn't seen in a LONG time. Among them was a lady that I had went to school with. She's two years older than me and about a year ago had been the victim of an unfaithful husband and hence a very bitter divorce. She is a member of the church and has two boys. I was glad to see her again, but then it hit me, and here is where I need some advice. I found myself so attracted to her. Not so much physical, but just talking with her. She has a wonderful heart and so easy to communicate with. I actually felt some of those feelings of the younger guy I once was (not that I'm that old now, but). I have thought about her often today, but with mixed emotions. One side of me is saying "What are you doing????!!!!". The other side of me is saying, "It's ok, Ginger had told me that I should find a companion after she was gone." Folks I'm a little confused. I never thought much about a future relationship with another woman after my Ginger. But why the such strong feelings toward this old friend I don't know. I'm open for any suggestions from some of you who have experienced something like this in your own lives.

 

[Pilgrim1951]

CSML, I am probably quite a bit older than you and pretty recently widowed, so this isn't something I have experienced yet (or even know if I will in the future). So I don't really have an opinion. However, I do have one question for you:

What is the Lord saying to your heart about this lady? His is the only voice of truth. His is the only opinion that matters. You told me once to be specific in my prayers. Maybe, that's what you should do now. Have you asked Him for a specific answer about this?

Pilgrim

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

CSML, I am probably quite a bit older than you and pretty recently widowed, so this isn't something I have experienced yet (or even know if I will in the future). So I don't really have an opinion. However, I do have one question for you:

What is the Lord saying to your heart about this lady? His is the only voice of truth. His is the only opinion that matters. You told me once to be specific in my prayers. Maybe, that's what you should do now. Have you asked Him for a specific answer about this?

Pilgrim

Pilgrim,
My thoughts exactly. That's in my prayers already and I'm asking for His guidance in the answer. I know that if it is His will things will materialize and if its not then it will fade away. I felt like I knew what I should do, but it sure feels good to hear it from a friend. Thank You!

 

[Aileen]

Comesoon myLord,
I´m not a widow but my husband was a young widower when we married over 30 years ago. Comparing your emotions with the stages he said he went through, I think you have gone through the grieving stage and are now ready to start a new relationship. It may be with this woman or it may not, that´s for you to decide. My best wishes to you.

 

[BlestByTheBest]

Hi! I was wondering why does there have to be a "relationship" issue. Can you see each other as friends and remain on those terms? Then, just let things happen as they will. You can never have enough friends!

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

Hi! I was wondering why does there have to be a "relationship" issue. Can you see each other as friends and remain on those terms? Then, just let things happen as they will. You can never have enough friends!

BBTB,
You're correct. Being friends is important. In no way am I trying to make something out of this, it was just that the feelings were deeper than "friends". I don't know, it's hard to explain. At any rate, our friendship will always be there. Thanks for your thoughts.

 

[BlestByTheBest]

Hi again! I would just like to say that I can understand about this being a difficult choice for you.
Do you think that guilt is a big issue? Because I think no matter how long you've been widowed, it's common to feel guilt over a new relationship.
Would you feel comfortable talking to this woman about Ginger? Telling her how you feel about your loss? I think it's important to be able to do that.
I think having that in a relationship is a real gem. Also the fact that this lady is a wonderful Christian person with a kind heart.
Anyway, to me, those things are hard to find out there in this old world!
Meet for dinner and have some time to yourselves and see how it goes. You can take that first step and then decide from there. Just be honest with her about your feelings.
These are my thoughts...I know everyone is different in their grieving process.
Hopefully in time, you will KNOW what is the right thing to do.

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

Hi again! I would just like to say that I can understand about this being a difficult choice for you.
Do you think that guilt is a big issue? Because I think no matter how long you've been widowed, it's common to feel guilt over a new relationship.
Would you feel comfortable talking to this woman about Ginger? Telling her how you feel about your loss? I think it's important to be able to do that.
I think having that in a relationship is a real gem. Also the fact that this lady is a wonderful Christian person with a kind heart.
Anyway, to me, those things are hard to find out there in this old world!
Meet for dinner and have some time to yourselves and see how it goes. You can take that first step and then decide from there. Just be honest with her about your feelings.
These are my thoughts...I know everyone is different in their grieving process.
Hopefully in time, you will KNOW what is the right thing to do.

BBTB,
We did actually talk about Ginger during our visit. I like your idea about the approach.