Are open relationships adulterous?

[Antebellum]

The interpretation of the Bible gets a little fuzzy around here. I know that open marriages would definitely be adulterous, but what about open relationships? One of my friends has one "boyfriend" but she's dating four others at the same time.

I just want clarification: Is it, or is it not, adultery?

 

[hernyaccent]

Adultery is defined as a married person being with someone other than their spouse. So I'd say not, she is not an adulterous. But she is a liar and a cheater if these guys don't know about each other.

 

[Polycarp_fan]

The interpretation of the Bible gets a little fuzzy around here. I know that open marriages would definitely be adulterous, but what about open relationships? One of my friends has one "boyfriend" but she's dating four others at the same time.

I just want clarification: Is it, or is it not, adultery?

Adultery = sexual intercourse with a married person not your spouse. (Or anyone else not your spouse.) Boyfriend, girlfriend thing, is fornication or immorality if it includes sexual intercourse.

Even the Bill Clinton kind.

 

[Antebellum]

This is what she said to me about them:

I'm dating 5 guys i'm not in an exclusive relationship I dont do anything physical with anyone of them....but because everyone makes me feel bad about being single I do it to mess with them...its basically my friends like
(eric, and all our movienight freinds) I just want ppl to think im in some sort of relationship...

And I replied:

First of all, why do you care what they think? Don't date someone just to be in a relationship. That's wrong and immature. How do you think one of the people you were dating would feel if they just read that? You're just using them, Alex, and it's not right. I know it's probably none of my business, but when there are other people involved that could get hurt (those who you're dating), it's not fair to them.

I'm really not aware whether or not the guys know about each other, she hasn't replied yet. /: If they don't, I'd have to agree with you that she's "lying", in a way.

Adultery = sexual intercourse with a married person not your spouse. Boyfriend, girlfriend thing, is fornication or immorality if it includes sexual intercourse.

Even the Bill Clinton kind.

Okay, thank you! It doesn't include sexual intercourse.

 

[hernyaccent]

This is what she said to me about them:


And I replied:


I'm really not aware whether or not the guys know about each other, she hasn't replied yet. /: If they don't, I'd have to agree with you that she's "lying", in a way.


Okay, thank you! It doesn't include sexual intercourse.

I don't see anything wrong with what she is doing especially if she is young. Young people, myself included, are so quick to rush into relationships without exploring the options before they settle for one. If she is not doing anything physical with these boys and isn't lying to them I don't see an issue.

 

[chingchang]

The answer to your question depends on who's definition of adultery we use. If we use the entry found at Merriam Webster Online...then the answer to your question is simply "no".

I would also suggest to you that you can not "know" that open marriages involve adultery...unless you assume adultery to be what Merriam Webster and most of modern society defines it to be. However...as a Christian I'm concerned with what God thinks about these issues...not what society thinks. God is VERY anti-adultery. However...if we apply the definition of adultery that most of modern society uses...then over half of the "heros of faith" from the Bible were adulterers. This is not the case though. In fact...King David had sex with all kinds of wives...concubines and slaves and never committed adultery until he had sex with Bathsheba (a married woman). This should provoke thought for Christians that like to use their brain. For non-Christians...this should at least be interesting.

Hugs,
chingchang

 

[Yusuf Evans]

So she's seeing 5 guys at the same time, and none of them have knowledge of the other. Didn't they make a movie about a guy who did the same thing?

Seriously, I gotta tell her to be careful when she's doing it. Yes she's young, but guys tend to be a bit territorial. If they aren't aware of the other and then finds out, nasty things can happen. Is it adultery? Not really, since you have to be married to be an adulterer. I would tell her that if she has any chance of "being tainted" by the school, she shouldn't be clinging to so many guys. It's okay to go out on dates, but don't highlight that you have mulitiple guys on the leash.

 

[Andreusz]

As long as she's not lying to anyone, I don't see that it's a problem.

 

[Verv]

I go by the strict notion that sex should only be engaged in between married persons...

If you are in an 'open' relationship in a sense that you are dating other people for the purpose of getting to know them that is probably a smart move to do whn you are young so you do not limit yourself.

However, I do not condone sexual activity outside of marriage... Unless it is my dog and another dog, because that's pretty funny to watch.

 

[cantata]

If she's being honest with all of them, I think it's fine.

 

[gwenmead]

Yeah. Cast another vote for the honesty party here... if she's honest with everybody, no harm no foul.

That said, if she's dating just so her friends won't hassle her about being single though, my not even remotely humble opinion is she needs to grow a backbone (and probably some self-esteem). Whether or not she dates at all should be based on what she wants and needs, not on what everybody else expects of her.

Technically, she's not committing adultery if no one involved is married.

As to whether open marriages are adulterous, well that really depends on who you talk to. By the strictest definition, if adultery is sex between a married person and someone not their spouse, then yes, open marriages are technically adulterous. However, since adultery usually involves cheating, the argument can be made that the real problem is dishonesty, not necessarily extramarital sex or relationships.

One's real-life mileage may vary, of course.

 

[sidhe]

As long as honesty is the policy, no cheating is going on.

As far as an open marriage, not adulterous IMHO. YMMV. GTO. DMV. ROFL. LOL.

 

[Antebellum]

Thanks to all who answered! *hugs for all* I've read all your replies, and when I get back from Youth Group, I'll have a reply. Just wanted to let everyone know I haven't looked over this thread.

 

[Verv]

Just as a note to people who are contemplating having 'open' relationships where they get to sleep around...

Even in all of your honesty, I do not htink you earn the respect of the people that matter as at the end of the day you are essentially opening yourself up to basic animal instincts, e.g. trying to fulfill the sexual drive as much as possible.

Men consensually fighting each other is cool to some people, and it blows off a lot of steam and seems like a fun, macho thing but a lot of people won't be able to wrap their heads around it like they wont be able to wrap their heads around this; and at the end of the day both activities end up being just a bunch of hot, sweaty humans acting on animal instinct.

 

[cantata]

In my experience, only a small proportion of open relationships are about "fulfill[ing] the sexual drive as much as possible." I've tried to explain this to you several times before, JM, so I won't repeat myself. Just try to internalise the idea that some of us don't just go out looking for people to have sex with.

But besides, what's wrong with wanting to have sex and then having it? What's the point of self-denial for its own sake?

 

[TeddyKGB]

Even in all of your honesty, I do not htink you earn the respect of the people that matter as at the end of the day you are essentially opening yourself up to basic animal instincts, e.g. trying to fulfill the sexual drive as much as possible.

Men consensually fighting each other is cool to some people, and it blows off a lot of steam and seems like a fun, macho thing but a lot of people won't be able to wrap their heads around it like they wont be able to wrap their heads around this; and at the end of the day both activities end up being just a bunch of hot, sweaty humans acting on animal instinct.

You know that approach to understanding the world wherein you try to judge things and people on their own merits and avoid cramming them into categories solely to satisfy doctrinal demands of your worldview?

Yeah, you're pretty bad at that.

 

[Antebellum]

Guys... Can you please not argue on this thread? If you're going to start something, please take it elsewhere.

I created this thread for an answer, not a debate, and I would really appreciate if it stayed that way.

 

[Caitlin.ann]

The interpretation of the Bible gets a little fuzzy around here. I know that open marriages would definitely be adulterous, but what about open relationships? One of my friends has one "boyfriend" but she's dating four others at the same time.

I just want clarification: Is it, or is it not, adultery?

Its not adultery if the other parties know exactly whats going on.

If Bill knows that Sharon is also with Bobby, Clay, and Joe then its not adultery.

If Bill does NOT know that Sharon is also with Bobby, Clay, and Joe then it IS adultery.

 

[Autumnleaf]

The interpretation of the Bible gets a little fuzzy around here. I know that open marriages would definitely be adulterous, but what about open relationships? One of my friends has one "boyfriend" but she's dating four others at the same time.

I just want clarification: Is it, or is it not, adultery?

She's opening herself up to getting VD and messing with people's emotions. One of those guys is bound to really care for her even if its not her "boyfriend".

Why is she doing this? How would she, honestly, feel about her boyfriend doing this to her?

 

[cantata]

She's opening herself up to getting VD and messing with people's emotions. One of those guys is bound to really care for her even if its not her "boyfriend".

Why is she doing this? How would she, honestly, feel about her boyfriend doing this to her?

I think the OP made clear later in the thread that there wasn't any sex going on.