Approaching Someone You Like

[eric246]

I'm 20, and I've been a shy person almost my entire life. This changed recently when I started getting into film-making and I would do videos where I interviewed random people on the street. I would have never been able to do that in previous years, but I've raised my self-esteem a lot recently. Even though I am able to talk to random people on the street, I still have anxiety about approaching a girl I like. I can approach girls I don't like, ask them questions and such, but if it is a girl I want to ask out, I don't do it. I will make excuses like, "I don't have a part-time job currently so I couldn't pay for dinner or bigger dates", or "she probably has a boyfriend already". I try to tell myself she's just another person, but in my mind I always think "what if she's the one, and I say something stupid."

I enjoy psychology/sociology, and I've watched experts show how to talk to girls you like or starting conversations with anyone. I've done it with random people for fun, just observing something like a necklace and saying, "that looks good on you, did you pick that out yourself?" or "what book are you reading? Is it good?" and conversation starters like that. So my whole point is, I know how to talk to people and socialize, but when it comes to asking a girl out, I tend to freeze up. Anyone else deal with this or overcome it? The hardest thing is knowing it's so easy to do, but not being able to do it!

 

[GQ Chris]

The best way to get over it, is to just do it. That's how I did, I used to be painfully shy. And I mean, see a girl I liked and walk the opposite direction.

 

[Blank123]

how about not worrying about the asking out part until you've established some kind of relationship with them? Its a little awkward to walk up to someone you don't even know and ask them out.

 

[Rhye]

see a girl and walk the opposite direction.

Now, I don't feel so offended. Unless, well, yeah nvm.

I agree with LT. Give time to build a relationship with someone, and it might come naturally. You can build your confidence by talking to girls and saying "that looks nice on you" but I don't think its the best way to ask someone out. Girls want a little bit of attention, and knowing that you are interested in what they say and do. Start having a conversation with a girl in your class. Just ask about her day and the work you guys are doing. Get to know her a little bit and see if you are really into her, and then ask her.

I also agree with Chris, you cannot get over the fear until you do it.

 

[broken_one]

Think of them as simply a person, just like you or I.

Social anxiety training comes in handy sometimes.

 

[eric246]

Now, I don't feel so offended. Unless, well, yeah nvm.

I agree with LT. Give time to build a relationship with someone, and it might come naturally. You can build your confidence by talking to girls and saying "that looks nice on you" but I don't think its the best way to ask someone out. Girls want a little bit of attention, and knowing that you are interested in what they say and do. Start having a conversation with a girl in your class. Just ask about her day and the work you guys are doing. Get to know her a little bit and see if you are really into her, and then ask her.

I also agree with Chris, you cannot get over the fear until you do it.

Yeah, I know I eventually just have to do it. Not sure if you got my point completely, but saying things like "That looks nice on you" or "What book is that" are just conversation starters to get into a more detailed conversation, eventually seeing if you like them or not. For example, if you respond to the book question by saying "Oh, it's a book on cooking", you have numerous angles to take, like "So you're into cooking? That's cool. How long have you been cooking? Do you cook with your family?" And such. Again, it's not that I don't know what to say, or how to have a conversation, but just getting over that 'go up and talk to her already!' feeling.

 

[Rhye]

I got it!

Well, I guess not over thinking it might help.

 

[stan1472]

Eric, I happened to do that recently. I went up to a girl I didn't have much conversation prior. I just noticed how she carried herself (looks & personality) and I couldn't take it anymore and I just had to introduce myself to her. Mind you it was weeks before getting the strength to overcome this fear and just do it. I was VERY nervous because I just don't do that sort of thing. She was kind enough to listen to my nervousness and it broke the ice for more conversation days/weeks later. If you introduce yourself like that, the girl should/will know you're interested. It's very forward, but you'll be pleased afterwards that you had the guts to do it, like I did. Then if you're still interested, it's a matter of time before you ask her 'out'. Eventually we went 'out'! She's still the one I'm interested in...

 

[white dove]

Think of them as simply a person, just like you or I.

I agree. After all, they are just that. If you think of all these things ahead of time, that you'll say something stupid... you're just psyching yourself out of it. Stop doing that! If she's "the one," even if you do say something you think is stupid, guess what? A lot of couples out there, the ones that have been married for decades upon decades started off on the "wrong foot." Not all "ideal couples" began with the heavens parting, doves flying and harp music playing in the background.