Thanks for the kind words! About my past, well, ask and you shall receive.
My angry retorts are best understood when you look at my upbringing. I'm not trying to pin anything on my family or church here, but Arminian theology + Once Saved Always Saved was what I was taught. So I guess I was a 1 point Calvinist, believing in the P only. I suppose I would be better cast as a 4-point Arminian.
Corporate worship was something I hated growing up. Under this theology, the only reason I could see for worship was to get together with friends and make your Sunday lunch plans. You sang the songs because you liked them. Reading the Bible was a good idea, but not taught as necessary in any of the Sunday School classes I was in. I just asked Jesus to come into my heart and that was that. I was now free to do as I pleased under the "OSAS" rule.
When I moved from home, I decided not to attend any churches. There just wasn't any need in my heart to do this any longer. I didn't read my Bible and didn't understand it. I didn't think about God, but knew that He couldn't be happy with the way I was neglecting Him, especially since I was the one who asked HIM to come into MY heart. What kind of a host was I?
One thing led to another and I knew that I was living a depraved life. I don't care to go into the whole thing today, but it got pretty bad. But that's OK, because Jesus was in my heart. I prayed him in there! What I hadn't done is read my Bible.
Eventually, I got married and we had a child (not in that order). I felt that I was not raising my son in the way that I was raised. I loved the OSAS rule, even though there was no comfort in it. I hated everything Catholics taught about Jesus giving us the possibility that we may work to our salvation, which is what I believed, but hadn't worked it out in my mind.
All that I had was of my own doing. I had a mortgage, a bad marriage and a sense of uselessness. Maybe the Bible could help. I got a Chronological Bible for Christmas from my parents and began to read it. 2-3 times I would read for a few months and get off track, then I would try again the next year.
I knew that I had to have a support for this goal, but none of my friends were interested, so I put together a newsletter that ran that year and the next, where I would supply the schedule and the subscribers could read with me. To keep me honest, I put a comment for each day's reading.
It was during the first year of this project that I was finally convicted of the sins that I tried to deny and laid it all before the Lord. I didn't re-pray the sinner's prayer as I had so many times growing up, as it seemed to cheapen the whole experience. I just believed, as the Bible teaches.
One day, there was an argument between two readers about the Perseverance of the Saints. You can see it here:
http://www.coffeeswirls.com/archives/2003/11/24/jesus-is-god/ This really got me wondering what was going on. I got into a conversation with the Calvinist about this and he answered a few questions for me, then directed me to Tim Challies, who I hyperlinked earlier. He compared and contrasted the TULIP with the teachings I had grown up with and my whole belief system was in jeopardy.
Yes, I was angry with Tim for daring to question my belief system. In retrospect, I am now able to relate to Armenians quite well and enjoy answering what questions I can. For a look at my beliefs at the beginning, I put together a comparison here:
http://www.coffeeswirls.com/archives/2004/01/08/calvinism-vs-arminianism/
Total Depravity? That just couldn't be! But by whose standards?
Unconditional Election? What about free will? We're not robots!
Limited Atonement? Wasn't the sacrifice of Christ enough to enable us all to seek God?
Irresistible Grace? That just sounds like we are coerced, doesn't it?
Perseverance of the Saints? OK, I got that one. OSAS, baby!
And then I read my Bible more closely. I stopped skimming and started reading and asking questions. I looked at the verbs, to see whether they were active or passive. It all started to pull together. I'm a Calvinist, not because it was argued with a great human stance, but because it is the most Biblical doctrine. Period.
There was still some discomfort, though I was beginning to accept it. Then one day, Mr. Challies suggested that we blog through Piper's "Desiring God." That really had an impact on me. I learned quite a bit about how free will is always present. God changes our heart so we will stop hating Him and turn to Him. We see the sins in our lives and compare them to the treasure of His redemption. We always choose with our heart. After regeneration, we choose with both options clearly presented. To choose death over life, poverty over riches, depression over joy, despair over hope... none of this makes any sense.
That book settled the matter for me once and for all, without compromising anything. I reformed my beliefs, therefore I am reformed.
I have lately been refuting Hyper-Calvinists as their yeast makes the rest of us look judgmental and unloving. The most vocal of any religious group is usually the fringe and as the most vocal, they are the ones who many people associate the others with. It's like Tammy Faye Baker. Her tears and her husband's sins gave the church a black eye because they represented us to the populace. Most Catholic priests are not child molesters, but the few that are give the whole denomination a bad reputation. It is the Muslim extremists that make some people uncomfortable around all Arabs. Is it fair? Is it accurate?
Our job is to make disciples of people everywhere by presenting the Biblical gospel to the unsaved and by acting as ambassadors to other Christians to show that we are not kooks that despise evangelism and hate non-Christians. Being a good source of salt and light is our best defense against those who undermine their own and our efforts in this.
As a former Arminian, I have made this task a focal point of my website. I don't come right out and say it, but I present the reformed view as best I can and do my best not to be a jerk. Let's all put our lamp up on a stand, just make sure the light isn't glaring in anyone's eyes. If you are salt, you should be sprinkled. You are not a salt block flying at the heads of those you would want to minister to.
Christianity without love is unbiblical, and as reformed Christians who value Sola Scriptura, we should embody love and represent our Lord and Savior positively to the world. That's what we are commanded to do in the Scriptures. That is why I am now a Calvinist. Two loving men, both named Tim answered my questions and loved me before I took their view as my own.
