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anyone parenting preteens or teens?

faith177

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I have a 12 year old and he is just starting to become different hes getting moody nothing is ever his fault and his tone of voice to every one is just plain nasty. Help I have me as a teenager:eek: and I dont know how to react in a positive way. especially when he is nasty to his little sister. So we are getting in conflicts more often. How do I deal with it in a positive or effective way
 

reformedfan

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i dunno either, I'm glad you asked, & I hope someone answers you, this is my same exact problem with my 14 year old. I homeschool, too, so I know it isn't the result of bad influence kids, or drugs.
Except for that he's a great, even Godly kid, by God's grace. He's not always moody & difficult, either, thankfully.

I'll pray for us both.
 
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:wave: Can I join this club?????????????? ;) I've got a 14 yod and a 12 yos and the hormones in this house are crazy. I can relate to my daughter but my son has got to be an alien. I love him dearly but have no idea how to relate to his happenings. My husband just laughs and says " I did the same thing". I'm not sure that's a good thing is usually my response :D . I am thankful that his ( my son's ) attitude hasn't become nasty. I try to just remember that God can use them in GREAT ways, even if I haven't a clue. May God be with you two and bless you in very special ways.
In His love;
Tammy
 
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Tangnefedd

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Your story is SO familiar to everyone who has ever had a child of that age! The hormones are buzzing around their bodies and they just don't know what is going on in their heads. Try to remember when you were that age and what it felt like! I remember feeling cross a lot of the time, for no particular reason. I think you need to sit down with your son explain about puberty and why he feels like he does, maybe you can find a book for him to read, I am sure there are millions out there! You have to be understanding, while obviously expecting certain standards of behaviour to be maintained. Good luck as you ride the rollercoaster ride of the teenage years, it does get better, I promise you.
 
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Swtsnshyn

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Child of the King (Tammy),

I can totally relate to what you are saying. We have 3 children - 2 are grown (daughters) and one is still at home (12-year-old son). I could relate to our daughters when they went through their teen years. Our son, on the other hand, is (as you put it) an alien. I don't have a clue as to where he is coming from. I pray for him every day - and for myself, too! :prayer: :prayer: :prayer:




God Bless!!
Dawn
Shining brightly for Jesus
 
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Swtsnshyn said:
Child of the King (Tammy),

I can totally relate to what you are saying. We have 3 children - 2 are grown (daughters) and one is still at home (12-year-old son). I could relate to our daughters when they went through their teen years. Our son, on the other hand, is (as you put it) an alien. I don't have a clue as to where he is coming from. I pray for him every day - and for myself, too! :prayer: :prayer: :prayer:




God Bless!!
Dawn
Shining brightly for Jesus

Hehehe......... I'll keep you in prayer too. It's so nice to know my son isn't the only alien :D Have you ever watched the Chonda Pierce video "Girls Night Out"? A wonderful video to relax too. Have a wonderful Jesus filled day and may God richly bless you this day.
In His love;
Tammy

Keep your sanity and have faith that God is molding these boys into something GREAT.
 
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mindlessme6

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You all do have some pretty simular storys i can see and as a teen my self is just as long as your son/dauter is doing well in school (Sports, etc.) let them be them selfs, just remeber to offer them advice and ask how there day was and if they need help or want to take up a hobby. i say the hobby thing b/c i can see my self as your sons and i had that attide with everyone, I just pick up the Bass and it realy helps my in any thing i do. even Dr.Phil says that playing the Guitar or and musical instrument increase Childrens Creativity and stuff like that in the brain. so i hoped this all helps.
 
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Didymus

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i have two daughters but i grew up around boys. when we hit puberity we were treated as adults and that met adult responsibilities. chores were increased and there was no tolerence for lipping off."If you want to be treated like an adult you act like an adult" that meant work hard at school and be polite to others. and you knew if you weren t too big to get smacked. It may seem rough to some of you but our neighbor was a widow with one son18 and one 14 when their dad died after a long illness and she told them they had to grow up and pull thier weight and it worked. they fought but so what. sometimes you have to.

I guess i am trying to say don t coddle them. say thos is the way it is and if you don t like the rules there s the door.
 
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Tangnefedd

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i have two daughters but i grew up around boys. when we hit puberity we were treated as adults and that met adult responsibilities. chores were increased and there was no tolerence for lipping off."If you want to be treated like an adult you act like an adult" that meant work hard at school and be polite to others. and you knew if you weren t too big to get smacked. It may seem rough to some of you but our neighbor was a widow with one son18 and one 14 when their dad died after a long illness and she told them they had to grow up and pull thier weight and it worked. they fought but so what. sometimes you have to.

I guess i am trying to say don t coddle them. say thos is the way it is and if you don t like the rules there s the door.


I think you can encourage kids to be responsible while being understanding about what they are going through when they hit puberty. Didymus your method of childrearing is harsh and likely to be counter productive these days. If you strike a teenager they are quite likely to strike you back, or call the child protection people! Respect is what it is all about and the child should expect to be respected by the parent, just as the parent should expect to be respected by the child. However, respect has to be earned and if the parent is treating the child in the way you describe, then I don't think the parent deserves respect at all.
 
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Etharia

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mindlessme6 said:
but if you see your parents as "friends" you can talk to them more and ask for help when you want it.
My mom is like my best friend, but she didn't strive to be so. When you are an effective parent, being firm with the rules (but not overly so), showing love and openness, and forcing your kids to be responsible and considerate, you normally end up with life-long friends. My mom has three daughters no longer living in her home and I'm pretty sure that all of them consider her their "friend" but they were all made to walk the straight line while at home and when they return for visits (although not in the same way as when they were home).
Pardon me, I'm babbling. My point was, you don't have to "be their friend" in order to gain their friendship. The parent is the parent for a reason and thus, should act like one.
 
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Tangnefedd

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I think you can be a parent and still be a friend. We have a brilliant relationship with our kids, all adults now. Visiting us is no hardship for them, and they actively seek out our company, which is lovely. So different from my in-laws who were of the strict, judgemental kind, whom we avoided visiting unless we absolutely had to! When they died there was a sense of relief on our part!
 
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Etharia

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I agree that you can be a parent and a friend, I never disputed that fact. What I said was that many parents spend too much time trying to be friend. The problem is, it's often at the expense of the parent side.
And I can understand why visiting your in-laws would be difficult, parents shouldn't be judgemental nor should they strict beyond reason. There should be clearly defined limits, but not strict rigidity and judgemental is just wrong.
 
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Tangnefedd

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Ideally parents should be friends with their kids when the children have grown up, obviously you are there for them, but your parenting role is done when they are adults. I am very careful not to give advice unless I know it is welcome, there is nothing worse than an interfering parent. My mum is 80 next week and thinks I am still in nappies (diapers), it drives me nuts sometimes. She feels that she always has to tell me things as if I haven't, at 54, had any life experiences, I am a granny for heaven sake! I tell her to butt out and let me get on with it, but I do love the silly old girl!!!
 
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Etharia

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(I've noticed that whenever I enter into a conversation, it seems like we end up talking about something completely off-topic from where we started.............)

Yes, I agree that parents should be more friends than parents after the child is an adult no longer living at home. My mom is very careful about not offering advice unless we ask for it because her mother will give it to you whether you want it or not and constantly. However, my mom has a way of "not" giving advice to where you don't even realize she gave you any until she's done. It's rather funny.
 
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Tangnefedd

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I]Yes, I agree that parents should be more friends than parents after the child is an adult no longer living at home. My mom is very careful about not offering advice unless we ask for it because her mother will give it to you whether you want it or not and constantly. However, my mom has a way of "not" giving advice to where you don't even realize she gave you any until she's done. It's rather funny.[/I]

Good for your mother, I suppose if I am honest I do that with my children. They do ask me stuff about childrearing as I have had just a little bit of experience where that is concened. I had the privilege of giving my grandson Elliot his first solid food the other week, and today his first taste of carrots. I attach a photo!
 

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