Anyone out there..?

[Sunshine923]

I'm new here. I'm a 30 yr old mom of 3. I've had OCD my whole life but was recently diagnosed. I don't take meds but am in therapy and its going really well. Except for one HUGE thing. My marriage is falling apart. I am posting in hopes someone can help me explain my OCD better to my husband. He's struggling and its breaking my heart.

I have obsessions about all the above. It 'morphs' constantly but one part of my OCD though that is "hitting a nerve" with my husband is I have flashbacks of memories of my past. Some that include places I have lived with people and people I have dated. Not sexual usually but sometimes. It started with me not wanting to think about them.... to me not wanting to watch TV shows that reminded me of anything in my past (like house hunters), eating foods, buying certain items, taking certain routes, avoiding places and people as not to 'trigger' anything. Not to mention constant prayer rituals in my mind and checking and cleanse breathing (my own compulsion where I suck in bad energy and blow it out a framed object like a window or mirror). It's also morphed into me wanting to be extreamist on all other things pertaining to men. I can't watch movies with good looking men in it, I avoid the grocery store or public places where I may think a man is attractive, I can't see a man walking on the street or playing basketball at the park with his shirt off or it will give me a panic attack. I also can't look at men in the face when I talk to them, I can't be alone with another man in fear it will give me anxiety. Not that I would have an affair or anything, I just feel like I've been unfaithful just be being in the same room with another man other than my husband. Again, this is one sliver of my ocd (as usually its not one thing) but its the only hot topic right now since its the most sensitive. Somehow my husband thinks that I have an underlying desire or want (since I have the obsessions often). I try to tell him I can't help it and it flashes by itself. I try to tell him its my desire to be a loving a faithful wife and the nature of OCD is to 'sabotage' that. He doesn't believe me. Of course there is an underlying trust issue on his part, but even if he didn't have that I am sure he would still struggle that I have intrusive thoughts about these things...its human nature to feel uncomfortable with your spouses ocd.....at least at some point.

Does anyone have anything similar? Is there anyone out there who can help me explain better to my husband that It's not ME but my OCD and I would never wish this on myself or anyone and I can't help it? I don't have any desire for any other man other than my husband. I can't help him understand that, and he can't help but think that I do...

God is doing great things in my life with my suffering. I just feel so helpless watching my husband suffer too. We've had counseling...individually and together, but it still doesn't help when I can't put into words to help him understand....this isn't me, its my condition. I'm going bananas!

Anyone?

 

[RuthD]

It is so true that with OCD we are not wanting the things we avoid but have great doubt in ourselves caused by the OCD. You can get pamphlets to give your husband at NAMI.com. I hope that will help with him accepting the truth about your ocd. I have it too and am on meds for it that take some of the symptoms away. I also used to be in terrible anxiety when I would have certain thoughts and other symptoms, too. OCD is an anxiety disorder. Trying to relax more can help some too. Maybe doing exercises in your favorite room can slow it down some for you. My heart goes out to you. I have been there and know what a horror OCD can be. I am praying for you, for the OCD to go away. God bless you. Hang in there honey.

 

[flowerforever7]

I'm new here. I'm a 30 yr old mom of 3. I've had OCD my whole life but was recently diagnosed. I don't take meds but am in therapy and its going really well. Except for one HUGE thing. My marriage is falling apart. I am posting in hopes someone can help me explain my OCD better to my husband. He's struggling and its breaking my heart.

I have obsessions about all the above. It 'morphs' constantly but one part of my OCD though that is "hitting a nerve" with my husband is I have flashbacks of memories of my past. Some that include places I have lived with people and people I have dated. Not sexual usually but sometimes. It started with me not wanting to think about them.... to me not wanting to watch TV shows that reminded me of anything in my past (like house hunters), eating foods, buying certain items, taking certain routes, avoiding places and people as not to 'trigger' anything. Not to mention constant prayer rituals in my mind and checking and cleanse breathing (my own compulsion where I suck in bad energy and blow it out a framed object like a window or mirror). It's also morphed into me wanting to be extreamist on all other things pertaining to men. I can't watch movies with good looking men in it, I avoid the grocery store or public places where I may think a man is attractive, I can't see a man walking on the street or playing basketball at the park with his shirt off or it will give me a panic attack. I also can't look at men in the face when I talk to them, I can't be alone with another man in fear it will give me anxiety. Not that I would have an affair or anything, I just feel like I've been unfaithful just be being in the same room with another man other than my husband. Again, this is one sliver of my ocd (as usually its not one thing) but its the only hot topic right now since its the most sensitive. Somehow my husband thinks that I have an underlying desire or want (since I have the obsessions often). I try to tell him I can't help it and it flashes by itself. I try to tell him its my desire to be a loving a faithful wife and the nature of OCD is to 'sabotage' that. He doesn't believe me. Of course there is an underlying trust issue on his part, but even if he didn't have that I am sure he would still struggle that I have intrusive thoughts about these things...its human nature to feel uncomfortable with your spouses ocd.....at least at some point.

Does anyone have anything similar? Is there anyone out there who can help me explain better to my husband that It's not ME but my OCD and I would never wish this on myself or anyone and I can't help it? I don't have any desire for any other man other than my husband. I can't help him understand that, and he can't help but think that I do...

God is doing great things in my life with my suffering. I just feel so helpless watching my husband suffer too. We've had counseling...individually and together, but it still doesn't help when I can't put into words to help him understand....this isn't me, its my condition. I'm going bananas!

Anyone?

Hi,

I highly recommend that you print out what you posted here. What you detailed is pretty extreme avoidance of anything regarding other men with regard to wanting to please your husband. OCD tends to attack what we most care about or fear. Obviously, it is attacking you in that you do not want to even think of anything or see anything that could be considered unfaithul to your husband. Therefore you highly VALUE being faithful to your husband. I also highly suggest you also search the web for information written by professional mental health organizations or doctors that deal with OCD specifically. You may want to check out the International OCD Foundation website too.

The whole thing with OCD is that intrusive thoughts are just that. They are intrusive, and unwanted. This is very different than someone having the desire to inwardly think lustful thoughts about other men, and stumbling in doing so. (As an OCD sufferer), it looks like what you are experiencing is exactly the opposite. The idea alone of thinking about another man other than your husband is repugnant to you. This is why you are experiencing that feeling of revulsion when you are getting these thoughts. Your husband may understand it better, if it is put this way: Let's say your husband cares alot for his family, and let's say that one day he gets a random image that pops into his head of his sister stabbed. That would be repugnant, and he would probably shake off the thought in revulsion. A person with OCD because they have a anxiety disorder, experiences frightening panic. The high level of fight or flight response tells the brain that thoughts like this are an emergency, and need to be dealt with. Hence, to relieve the anxiety, people with OCD often end up doing compulsions or avoidance behaviors to try to quell the anxiety. The more stuff you start to avoid, the more potential triggers you have (because you have to avoid more things, situations, etc.). This means you have more frequent anxiety and the theme becomes more complicated. As your anxiety continues to get more frequent and rise you may get more intrusive thoughts, as your mind is processing the anxiety associated with this subject matter as an emergency, indicating you need to take care of it. This is sometimes where compulsions come in (like the whole window thing you mentioned). Avoidance and other compulsive behaviors temporarily quell the anxiety, but they reinforce to your brain that this is how intrusive repulsive thoughts should be handled (and that they should be handled immediately). Those of us with OCD tend to ruminate in angst over the repugnant themes (as they attack what we tend to highly value -in your case being faithful to your husband). However, the rumination tends to cause anxiety to rise, and the OCD cycle continues or gets worse; which is why people with OCD usually need professional therapy to reverse the process. I would talk to your therapist about trying to work with you specifically on this area.

You said you are going to therapy for the OCD. You can express to your therapist the issues that OCD is causing in your marriage due to your husband misunderstanding the disorder. It may be a good idea for your husband to go to a therapy session with you where the therapist can talk to him about what OCD is.

God bless & will pray for you.
______
Acts 22:16 "And now why do you wait? Rise and be baptized and wash away your sins, calling on his name.’"

 

[Sunshine923]

Thanks guys for the prayers. FlowerForever7- Value is a good word to use when trying to explain it. I've just been saying over and over "It's because I love you that I can't stop" ...it makes him think Im nutzo.

I feel really alone lately. I can't talk to him because it gets heated...yesterday we ate at a sandwich place that used to be my exes favorite (11 years ago!)....I could hardly breathe but I ate the sandwich and really enjoyed my time with my husband. Then a song came on that reminded me of another person from my past and I started spinning.. my house of cards came down and I couldn't take it. My ocd crept back WAY up and I felt the urge to "confess" that I had anxiety during our lunch and why. My husband got upset...he thought I was thinking of another man while eating with him....of course this wasn't the case..I just felt the urge to tell him what I had anxiety about and how I overcame it. Unfortunately that got lost in the conversation. I know I shouldn't share my anxious thoughts with him...He is so logical that I just don't make any sense. So he is stuck thinking I "reminisce" on men all day and I am stuck keeping my mouth shut, talking to no one except God and my therapist....I wish he could understand.