Any One Here Lost a Parent?

BlessedPearl · Mar 21, 2010

My mother was rushed to hospital, earlier this year, with chest pains. She had a CT scan which showed a suspected dissecting aorta. However, at the age of 78 she was too worried that she would not survive open heart surgery to repair her aorta. So, she refused to go to another specialist hospital for treatment. After several doctors had told her that she "will die if she does not go to the other hospital for treatment", another doctor came to her and, after realising that she really did not want surgery, gave her false hope by saying that if she was still alive by the morning then she probably did not have a dissecting aorta. He also said that her aneurysm might heal, despite the fact that the blood from it was already leaking into her pericardium (heart lining).

Unfortunately, I contributed to her false hope by believing this last doctor and not realising that he was just humouring my mother. I am therefore left with a sense of guilt for unwittingly giving her false hope. My only comfort is that she had spent several hours refusing to go to the other hospital for treatment, before I said anything to her. I therefore feel as though, at least I contributed to giving her a bit of comfort in her last days on earth.

Criada · Mar 21, 2010

I am very sorry for your loss, sweetie
You don't need to feel any guilt... if your mother didn't want surgery that was a decision she was entitled to take for herself, and giving her hope and comfort at the end of her life is certainly nothing to feel guilt about! It sounds as though she knew that she was loved and that you were supporting her wishes.. and I think that is all any of us can do for our loved ones.

BlessedPearl · Mar 21, 2010

Criada said:
I am very sorry for your loss, sweetie
You don't need to feel any guilt... if your mother didn't want surgery that was a decision she was entitled to take for herself, and giving her hope and comfort at the end of her life is certainly nothing to feel guilt about! It sounds as though she knew that she was loved and that you were supporting her wishes.. and I think that is all any of us can do for our loved ones.

Thank you for your quick reply. I really appreciate it.

royourboat · Apr 30, 2010

yeah, my Dad died last wednesday.

HEdiedforyou · Apr 30, 2010

You are not alone. I lost my mom October 18, 2009. I miss her everyday. I will say a Prayer for you.

Wirraway · Apr 30, 2010

BlessedPearl said:
...at least I contributed to giving her a bit of comfort in her last days on earth.

I lost my mother last month. I was with her a few days before she passed, not sure she was aware of my presence; she died in the presence of family, included Dad, to whom she was married since '42.

The grief will come and go, just let it.

Criada · Apr 30, 2010

royourboat said:
yeah, my Dad died last wednesday.

I'm sorry, sweetie
Praying for your family.

DesertJoe · May 22, 2010

I'm just wondering if anyone could point me in a direction with this.I over the years have lost both of my parents & one brother.I really trust God with all my heart,& though I have the sense of loss,I do not sense that I have truly grieved,& that we should do that.Although Paul said that "We do not grieve as they who are without hope" (1st Thessalonians 4:13),he did not say that we do not grieve.I really want to offer hope to those who grieve,& to mourn with those who mourn.Perhaps some of you have some "Biblical" insight & some personal experience you can share,or can point me in a direction.God bless you & thank you

BlessedPearl · May 27, 2010

Wirraway said:
I lost my mother last month. I was with her a few days before she passed, not sure she was aware of my presence; she died in the presence of family, included Dad, to whom she was married since '42.

The grief will come and go, just let it.

Thanks. It is getting better, as time passes. Now 4 months since she passed. They say it takes 6 months to feel happy again. I hope so.

I hope that things are getting better for you too and your poor Dad. My Dad is recovering too, although it was very, very sad for him to start with. He kept crying but he seems to be coping better now. (The sunny summer weather seems to help.)

God bless.

Wells Marsh · Jun 8, 2010

My father went home to be with the Lord 15 years ago, at 76 years old. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer and chose to forego treatments and just live the best he could until the end. Only the last few months were rough. My mom moved to heaven 2 years ago, at 91 years old. She went peacefully in her sleep. My sister found her the next morning.

It was hard at first. When you are a kid, you just never think your parents might not always be there. My parents lived full and mostly happy lives. All 8 of us kids survive and celebrate their lives whenever we get together. I am really looking forward to our reunion in Heaven.

Criada · Jun 9, 2010

Wells Marsh said:
My father went home to be with the Lord 15 years ago, at 76 years old. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer and chose to forego treatments and just live the best he could until the end. Only the last few months were rough. My mom moved to heaven 2 years ago, at 91 years old. She went peacefully in her sleep. My sister found her the next morning.

It was hard at first. When you are a kid, you just never think your parents might not always be there. My parents lived full and mostly happy lives. All 8 of us kids survive and celebrate their lives whenever we get together. I am really looking forward to our reunion in Heaven.

Thanks for sharing that... it is such a comfort when we can be sure that we'll see our loved ones again

over the rainbow · Jun 10, 2010

GrannieAnnie · Jun 26, 2010

July 26th will be mum's 2nd anniversary, she was 90 when she died. I adored her....and at the moment I'm having a really hard time grieving for her. It comes and goes every couple of months....then suddenly it hits hard again....and the pain is so bad. I've been told this is normal.....I just want to cry all the time !!!

Wells Marsh · Jun 29, 2010

GrannieAnnie said:
July 26th will be mum's 2nd anniversary, she was 90 when she died. I adored her....and at the moment I'm having a really hard time grieving for her. It comes and goes every couple of months....then suddenly it hits hard again....and the pain is so bad. I've been told this is normal.....I just want to cry all the time !!!

Dear GrannieAnnie,

My heart goes out to you! May the God of love, peace, and joy restore you and fill your heart with all that He is.

I guess what some call normal is relative. I, for one, believe you need to ask the Lord to help you with this. If you will trust in the Lord and start lining your thoughts up with the Word of God (Philippians 4:8), the Lord will bring you to the point where thoughts of your mom will bring you joy, not tears. You have many years of lovely memories with your mom. Please do not allow this temporary separation to steal those memories from you!

Philippians 4:8 For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]. (AMP)

Blessings,
WM

lavenderbees · Jul 7, 2010

GrannieAnnie said:
July 26th will be mum's 2nd anniversary, she was 90 when she died. I adored her....and at the moment I'm having a really hard time grieving for her. It comes and goes every couple of months....then suddenly it hits hard again....and the pain is so bad. I've been told this is normal.....I just want to cry all the time !!!

I know how you feel but at least your mother was 90. That was a good age. My dear mother was only 78. I wish she had lived until her 80's.

jennifer_savannah · Jul 9, 2010

My Dad went to be with the Lord on Jan. 17, 2007, when he was only 59 years old. This event changed my life forever, as one might imagine. I wasn't that close to him except for the last year of his life. I believe that the Lord, in His perfect wisdom, arranged circumstances so that I could spend that last year--before we knew he was sick--with my Dad.

I don't think a person ever "gets over" something like this. And I don't think that we have to. I mean, it's okay to really really miss someone who has passed on. And it's perfectly okay to grieve. Give yourself time to grieve. Cry out to God. Don't be afraid to tell Him how you feel: how hurt and confused you are. But, don't blame God! That's my advice! God had His reason for taking Dad when He did. After a while, I asked the Lord why and He spoke to me about it. He led me to this verse:

Isaiah 57:1 The righteous perisheth, and no man layeth it to heart: and merciful men are taken away, none considering that the righteous is taken away from the evil to come.

GrannieAnnie · Jul 13, 2010

It's me again....I'm having a really, really hard time...as I mentioned in another post, it will be mothers 2nd anniversary on July 26th. These last couple of days really bizzare things have been happening, I've been looking up all sorts of horrid things on the net....photos of dead people, designs for grave stones, writings on grave stones....it's almost a compulsion I have. The trouble is, it's my husbands 75th birthday on mums anniversary and I'm trying to make that celebration most important. We're going away for 2 days to celebrate and I don't want to spoil his birthday.....but I feel like I'm bursting inside too.

And yes, Lavenderbees I am lucky my mum lived to be 90...but it doesn't make it any easier, it just means I have even more memories of her to miss. We watched her deal with cancer for 28 years before she finally died from it. I adored my mother....I'm doing a lot better than I was at first....but this time of year...it's dreadful and I feel as if I'm going insane.

GrannieAnnie · Jul 13, 2010

It's a new day...14th July, 3 months today since my father died. I've decided to see my doctor today to see if what I'm feeling is "normal" grief....sure doesn't feel "normal" or if I'm really going crazy.

lordworshipper · Jul 13, 2010

I lost my father when I was a kid

GrannieAnnie · Jul 13, 2010

My dad was 99 when he died 3 months ago....I wish he'd died when I was a kid....I hated him. I didn't want to hate him, but he made it almost impossible to do anything else.

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