Any one ever feel this sort of depression?

[dhh712]

I have these vicious cycles of depression and I wondered if anyone else ever felt similar to this. It's hard to explain but I will do my best. I get depressed not because I want anything from this world, but because I don't want to be here at all. There are just a few things in my life which bring me any joy and the one earthly thing I do love is dead. Yet I feel so guilty about not enjoying life because God has given me (up to this point) such a relatively easy one so far and there hasn't been very many problems with it. And I know it was His plan for me to be here in this time and I feel so guilty that I'm not happier about it, that I'm not a cheerful person like God wants people to be.

When I feel this way, then I start to have a lot of doubt as though what if this is all a delusion--not God, but that He has called me, for if He has then I why shouldn't I be happy? Why am I crying here over how terrible and empty the world is when this is not all there is? I feel then that maybe I'm deluding myself into thinking He has called me and that maybe I'll always just be on the outside looking in, wanting Him to love me and loving Him but that it's just not meant for me.

Oh, it is just awful when I feel like this. I feel like I think such awful things about God when I know that He loves me because I have experienced His love. I think perhaps that it can be that I just don't want to be here because I want to be with Him completely and then I think how dishonoring that is to God because then I don't want to do what work He will have done through me here.

I just can't stand it and I pray to Him and rest entirely upon His saving grace and all the time He has drawn me again to Him, but it is just awful when I still go through feeling this way.

 

[Jeshu]

Yes I relate to your kind of depression. I also don't want to be here and much rather be dead than alive.


nothing helps against feeling this way. I'm married with 5 kids and 6 grand kids - all of whom love me and I love them but I still feel this way.

Did you know that depression causes this to be like that? For when my depression lifts for a few days then I don't feel like that any more.

Please don't feel guilty or ashamed, Jesus knows that you depressed and cares for you a lot - even though you feel this way. Instead of feeling guilty - which makes you more depressed - thank Jesus for forgiveness and His undying love, have faith in Him and in His grace. He is awesome! Simply refuse to internalise the negativity of your depression.

In the mean time fight the depression with anything you can, medications, counselling and God's word so full of promises - all help you to get over it.

Be of good courage.

 

[Criada]

I'm sorry you feel this way, sweetie - I can very much relate

I try to carry on 'as if' I still feel God's love and purpose for my life - because even when the feelings aren't there, the truth doesn't change.
As you say, I *know* he loves me because I have felt that love, and I know that He wants me to reach out to others with that love - so I try (not always successfully) to carry on doing so however empty and hopeless I feel.
It does pass, and we can trust His promises so much more than our feelings

Praying for you, sister.

 

[dhh712]

Thank you, Jeshu and Criada for your kind regards. Sometimes it takes me a while to get back to these threads.

I have other kinds of depression too. I actually think the one I described is getting better since after listening to one particular sermon, it explained to me a lot as to why I didn't feel really happy nearly ever. I thought there was something wrong with me, being a Christian and not feeling that way; now it is a lot clearer why I feel the way I do.

I think that God when He creates people makes some more melancholy than others. I've never really tried to fix how I feel so that I'm happy, though it is nice to be happy at times. It's more so that I just do not want to be troublesome to others--and who really likes to be around someone who is sad all the time?

 

[drjean]

God creates us all with His best, imo. It is the world under satan that drags us down.

You can "fix" how you feel, or at least begin working on it, by thinking on the good things... remember the verse "whatsoever things are true, honest..." think on these. Counter each and every negative thought. You have 30 seconds to turn it into a good thought before the brain cements it in memory.

The more we think good things, the less we think poorly...not just for the time it takes but we retrain the brain, physically, and prevent the negative chemical dumps.

 

[Noxot]

God is not far away, he lives inside of you so look for him until you find him. lies get spoken, but it is better to trust what God says about us rather than the lies that keep us from feeling and knowing we are loved by God.

eve fell into a problem when she started trusting a voice that was not Gods. she would have been fine if she believed God over the lies she heard and obeyed.

i changed my view of God from a cruel tyrant to a loving Father and I feel much better now. little children are simple, be simple and trust and depend on your Father. cry to him, beg him, reach for him even in sorrow. he said he would comfort us, God is heaven, heaven as a place is only heaven because God is there. therefore we can be a heaven or hades in this earth, which ever one we want, which ever we pick. we can pick lies, condemnations, accusations, self hatred, condemnation of others or we can pick forgiveness, mercy, peace and kindness to all.

you can be as close to God as you desire. you must only seek him and you shall find him. but evil gets in the way, so do not trust it. let evil be a helper to you by showing you what you do not want and you shall see more clearly what you do want.

there is no need at all to ever be evil, and if you never accept evil then you know that you are good and it is God who is good and therefore all goodness is from God and by not believing or accepting any evil at all you shall have is God and all the goods he freely provides to us. when you stop believing and accepting evil, all that is left is good.

I choose no longer to accept any depression or evil and it feels much better than when i simply let bad feelings and thoughts walk and rule over me. because of Christ in me, they no longer have power over me. and if i do become sad, since I pray for Gods will and pleasure to be done and since I learned he loves me as the apple of his eye, then it is God doing his work in me. when I feel the pain in my heart I go at it with faith, hope and love, trusting God is hiding there and look for God in it and I find him.

praying to God and having a broken heart can be a good thing if you depend on the Lord. but if we blame and accuse the one who wants to comfort us and keep on speaking in ourselves hatred towards our self and others, it hurts us even more. better to accept the comfort God said he will give, and he is no liar, seek and keep knocking, discard anything in the way and cling to God. believe not anything contrary to the simple unchanging nature that God who is the Father of us all has for his babies.

if you need to, cower and shake like a chihuahua to God, who can resist such cuteness? a tiny little dog who is scared is going to be picked up by a loving person. and God is love, how much more does he have affections of desire and feelings of cuteness for his little beloveds who he made in his love?

 

[Miss Elly]

depression is an illness like any other illness. A person should pray and ask God for healing. It is not a sin to go to the doctor either. Keep asking God to help you out of this black pit. I felt like you do not too long ago. Little by little the Lord has been leading me and helping me to get better. I still don't feel delirious with joy, but I can cope with life better. God's name is above the name of depression. God bless you.

 

[Grafted In]

I could write a book just telling you how very much I can relate to the way you feel. I thought I knew what depression was until I got saved and very soon afterwards my depression became so overpowering I would literally spend 2,3 and sometimes 4 days in bed only getting up for very short amounts of time. I had no idea it could get that bad, but that's how it was for me for several years. I still don't understand the reason for it and that was 34 years ago. At the time I became a born-again Christian I had gone through rehab 4 times and had lived in a halfway house for 4 or 5 months. I was able to remain clean and sober for about a year prior to my last trip through rehab. I was doing great for about 6 months, then I hit a wall. Depression came down on me and at about a year of sobriety I knew I could not hang on any longer without help, so I signed myself into rehab again, then spent the time in the halfway house. During my time there I was yet unsaved but a prayer came to me, I believe from God because I didn't come up with it myself,that helped me make it through the time I was there until about 2 months after moving back home when I asked Jesus to save me. The prayer was "God, help me to think, and to act and to speak in accordance with Your will". I have known depression so deep that there was just no way to "pick myself up by my bootstraps", as some would tell me. The only sense I can make of it is that God allowed it to complete a work in me that, for now, He has not revealed to me. The only Scripture that helped me make any sense at all out of it is in Psalms 119 verse 71: "It is good for me that I have been afflicted that I might learn Thy statutes". At work each day I would retreat to the bathroom, lock myself in a stall, read a chapter or maybe just a single verse in Psalms, then cry out to Him without words for several minutes. I was fortunate that I had a job that allow that level of freedom or I probably would not have been able to manage keeping my job.I know this post is probably not much help for you. And, yes, there are still times that I am angry at God for even creating me. Just wanted you to know your not alone.

 

[VeritatisCupitor]

I can say that being angry at God is normal, almost everyone at some point will channel their anger at God. Whether that anger is justified or not is another matter but I ask this... would it do you any good to be angry at him?

If you believe he is the all mighty then seek his guidance and not anger against him, if you question his existence then being angry at a non entity would be a futile gesture.

I understand your pain in that nothing is worth while or had given you much pleasure. I too struggle with this but I am a very stubborn person. If this God isn't worth believing in I'm even more determined to live and find my own way and claim whatever I can to gain my own happiness.
If this God is truly gracious then I will live and live well in truth and belief till the day I pass on.

Either way should I meet him I will have my answer for him should he ask "did you follow me during your life?" One will be no because you weer never there for me so I found my own way, you are my creator but not my God. Two, yes I struggled but I found a way to believe even though I never could see you.

Don't give up, fight on because you want to look at him and give him your answer, to give up would mean you have allowed depression to win.