Any advice on struggling with a Sister-in-law relationship?

[Kathy102545]

The story of how I got to this point is long and can be easily drawn out. But her I am utterly confused as to why my husbands' brother and wife appear to dislike me very much. I have always tried to make conversations with her, and help her, and give her things but it's always met with silence, literally. After two years she just stays clear of me. And out of fear I've started doing the same thing. It's hurtful when she plays the snot toward me. Over the years they've been very rude to me and done some unkind things to me, and they've been very hurtful at times. But they're so subtle about it that no one notices it's a real problem other than my husband. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm sure I've done annoying things, but I'm still here ready to be kind if they ever notice I'm in the same room as them again. I've started questioning my faith, a true follower of Christ would keep forgiving and continue to show kindness towards them, but in my thoughts I an not kind to them. Their unkindness towards me has physically affected my nerves to the point of illness. Every time an event rolls around that I know I have to go to with her I literally get physical symptoms of my illness. I can't fathom having to spend holidays with them and how awkward it's going to be to hold their baby, my niece. I love babies, by the way, I always am the one to hold everyone's. The hardest thing for me is Jesus wants us to love EVERYONE. I feel I've never had this much trouble withstanding the blows of hatred before. We were such a happy family before he practically eloped with this woman. My other sister-in-law although also 10 years younger, we're not best friends but we get along fine when family gatherings are in place. Is there any advice on how to constantly forgive someone. Note there's no talking to them they are not a communicative family and again she's ignored my texts (of encouragement) before, there's really no use taking that route. This is something I have to change on the inside I believe.

 

[megan_26]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this right now. I have a family member who also treats me like dirt for no reason. It's very upsetting and confusing. But remember that, just because you're struggling with something doesn't mean you aren't a true follower of Christ! We are human and we mess up. God understands that. My advice is to take this to him. Pray that he will give you a forgiving heart and also pray for her. I know it doesn't seem like much but he's the only one who can change anything. I will be praying for you!

 

[JIMINZ]

The story of how I got to this point is long and can be easily drawn out. But her I am utterly confused as to why my husbands' brother and wife appear to dislike me very much. I have always tried to make conversations with her, and help her, and give her things but it's always met with silence, literally. After two years she just stays clear of me. And out of fear I've started doing the same thing. It's hurtful when she plays the snot toward me. Over the years they've been very rude to me and done some unkind things to me, and they've been very hurtful at times. But they're so subtle about it that no one notices it's a real problem other than my husband. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm sure I've done annoying things, but I'm still here ready to be kind if they ever notice I'm in the same room as them again. I've started questioning my faith, a true follower of Christ would keep forgiving and continue to show kindness towards them, but in my thoughts I an not kind to them. Their unkindness towards me has physically affected my nerves to the point of illness. Every time an event rolls around that I know I have to go to with her I literally get physical symptoms of my illness. I can't fathom having to spend holidays with them and how awkward it's going to be to hold their baby, my niece. I love babies, by the way, I always am the one to hold everyone's. The hardest thing for me is Jesus wants us to love EVERYONE. I feel I've never had this much trouble withstanding the blows of hatred before. We were such a happy family before he practically eloped with this woman. My other sister-in-law although also 10 years younger, we're not best friends but we get along fine when family gatherings are in place. Is there any advice on how to constantly forgive someone. Note there's no talking to them they are not a communicative family and again she's ignored my texts (of encouragement) before, there's really no use taking that route.

.
After everything you have said, you come to this realization.

This is something I have to change on the inside I believe.

You know what needs to be done, but this is something you don't want to do,
What I hear you saying is, you are in prison because of your un-forgiveness.

I know, it is difficult to keep turning the other cheek, but that is the position the Christian is in, we are the designated cheek turners.

These are the verses you hold on to.

Mat 22:37-39
37) Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
38) This is the first and great commandment.
39) And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
40) On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Rom 12:19-21
19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
20) Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
21) Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

Remember, we are not asked to do these things we are Commanded too.

Jas. 4:17
Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.

So then, you already know what you need to do, it's just the doing that is the problem.

I said before, you are the one that is in prison.

Mat 6:14,15
14) For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
15) But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

There is the PRISON the one of your own making, the key which opens the cell door is Forgiveness.

Even your Prayers are hindered, where God is not answering them in this situation, because of disobedience on your part, when you Obey what you know is right, then your Prayers will be heard.

May the God of Peace Bless you richly

 

[Kathy102545]

Thank you, for your helpful words. Jiminz you are so very right. I needed that.

 

[joshua 1 9]

The story of how I got to this point is long and can be easily drawn out. But her I am utterly confused as to why my husbands' brother and wife appear to dislike me very much. I have always tried to make conversations with her, and help her, and give her things but it's always met with silence, literally. After two years she just stays clear of me. And out of fear I've started doing the same thing. It's hurtful when she plays the snot toward me. Over the years they've been very rude to me and done some unkind things to me, and they've been very hurtful at times. But they're so subtle about it that no one notices it's a real problem other than my husband. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm sure I've done annoying things, but I'm still here ready to be kind if they ever notice I'm in the same room as them again. I've started questioning my faith, a true follower of Christ would keep forgiving and continue to show kindness towards them, but in my thoughts I an not kind to them. Their unkindness towards me has physically affected my nerves to the point of illness. Every time an event rolls around that I know I have to go to with her I literally get physical symptoms of my illness. I can't fathom having to spend holidays with them and how awkward it's going to be to hold their baby, my niece. I love babies, by the way, I always am the one to hold everyone's. The hardest thing for me is Jesus wants us to love EVERYONE. I feel I've never had this much trouble withstanding the blows of hatred before. We were such a happy family before he practically eloped with this woman. My other sister-in-law although also 10 years younger, we're not best friends but we get along fine when family gatherings are in place. Is there any advice on how to constantly forgive someone. Note there's no talking to them they are not a communicative family and again she's ignored my texts (of encouragement) before, there's really no use taking that route. This is something I have to change on the inside I believe.

Sounds like something that you do not have the ability to deal with on your own apart from God. Sound like this is going to have to be a work He has to do in and through you. Usually when we seek wisdom, knowledge and understanding while we admit our utter dependence on Him - we get good results because this sort of prayer is a sweet fragrance before Him. These are the sort of prayers that the angels put in the golden bowl on the alter before Him.

 

[Bumble Bee]

MOD HAT ON
This thread has been moved to Christian Advice so that the OP may receive replies that best fit the topic of the thread.
MOD HAT OFF​

 

[Kathy102545]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this right now. I have a family member who also treats me like dirt for no reason. It's very upsetting and confusing. But remember that, just because you're struggling with something doesn't mean you aren't a true follower of Christ! We are human and we mess up. God understands that. My advice is to take this to him. Pray that he will give you a forgiving heart and also pray for her. I know it doesn't seem like much but he's the only one who can change anything. I will be praying for you!

I just wanted to update in case anyone is struggling with this and searching for answers. The sister-in-law recently had a conversation with me that thankfully my other sister-in-law was involved in so she was witness to it. The conversation as usual, despite my efforts to keep it cordial, involved some pretty unkind comments. It went far enough that for the moment my family will not be participating with her. My husband is allowed to go and see them as much as he likes but I personally won't be. I'm not condoning this. This was not ever my hope. But having done it there is a freedom and a weight has been lifted. I can actually forgive them in a way I couldn't before. Perhaps my solution was found in Matthew 5:30. I was mean in my thoughts and I didn't want to be, now I don't have those thoughts. I can still help them from afar. I suppose time will tell if it was the right thing or not. God can heal all our mistakes in the end, if all are willing to listen to him.