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Another Update - Fruit is beginning to appear

christianfilmcrew

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God has been at work tremendously in the last few days with my wife and I. We saw the counsellor together on Friday and it was good.

On Saturday night I got called in to run one of the video cameras at church on the weekend, and my wife was planning on being there with friends who aren't saved. We planned to go to Sunday mornings 2nd service together. Anwyays I noticed she came in alone on Sat night.

We connected after the service and she ran up and gave me a hug. We looked at joining a small group for a special series we're doing at our church right now, and we were looking into whether or not to go to one together or to do a separate mens/womens thing.

Well, I had a good friend who pretty much runs the video department a few weeks earlier and he had been praying for our marriage and had talked to someone who is the marriage/couples pastor at our church, and who runs an 'edge of committment' pre marriage course for couples looking to get married. My friend steve said that the guy who runs this course would let us do it for free.

So as we're looking at signing up for small group and which group/s to join, the guy we were talking to asked where we lived, we admitted that we were living in separate locations. He then said we should forget about doing the small groups and do the 'edge of committment' stuff, which started the next day, even though we were married.

So yesterday we attended the first class, and we went through the PREPARE questionairre. My heart was sinking as I saw that the only thing that was now holding our marriage together (i.e. keeping our marriage from divorce) was our Spiritual walk and faith.

We spent the rest of the afternoon and evening together as a family. We picked up my daughter (step-daughter), and we went to lunch and played together, and we discussed some of the answers we shared on the PREPARE worksheet. It was very good.

Later we drove out to Hoover Dam, and then back to my car which was still parked at the church. As we sat, God started opening up my broken heart to my wife. I further identified struggles I'd been having, feelings of spiritual oppression and attacks on my mind (which we both have been going through), and how I was just longing to be loved. I led in prayer that God would give me a heart of flesh and not of stone...

As I was about to head home, I leaned in to give my daughter a kiss and she gave me like 10 kisses in rapid succession all over my head. It made me smile, then my wife did the same thing, and for the first time ever, I felt truly loved by her. My heart broke wide open, and I fell in a heap of blubbering mess to the ground.

She had put her finger on something, the lie that satan had been propgating in my life for years. That I wasn't loved. I'd been running on an empty love tank for almost all of my life. Something happened inside of me, that I am still scratching my head over.

As I drove home, I literally felt like I had had a heart transplant. My chest felt like it was 10 pounds lighter, my heart was no longer under stress, and I felt transformed, and washed clean.

I'm still waiting to see the evidence of the outworking of what God appears to have done in me. I'm still a little nervous that maybe it was a flash in the pan moment, but I am praying it isn't, and that I can explore the question of my own love hunger with the counsellor next time I see him...

In Christ,
Dean.
 

mghalpern

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PRAIS GOD! What an encouraging story Dean. I would probably have a heart attack if that happened to me. My wife's heart is so cold and hard right now that I would freak out in great excitement over such an event. Hang in there and hang onto the Lord. Sounds like you are both heading in the right direction. God bless you...Michael
 
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christianfilmcrew

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Again Michael, thanks. Like you just shared, my wife's heart is so cold and hard. Things have completely fallen apart this last month, and I'm not sure it will ever get any better. I'm starting to look for my own place to live, and am finally re-establishing old friendships and making new ones too. I've been so disconnected since moving to the USA, and was afraid to contact my old friends because of what had been happening in my marriage.

Now I'm just on my face before God asking Him what to do each day, trusting in Him, looking to Him and only doing what He tells me to do.

I still keep balling from time to time because of the heartache and the pain. I don't understand how someone can be so cruel...
 
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bkg

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That's an amazing testimony! Michael said it best: Praise God!

Testimonies give hope, give peace, and show to others who are praying for restoration in their marriage that God indeed is the God of miracles and WANTS restoration.

Be prepared for an increase in attacks from the enemy - he does NOT want your marriage to be restored! Keep focused on God during all times...

I have to chuckle at Michael's heart attack comment - I think I'd just faint and die right there if this happened to me! :D :D
 
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mghalpern

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christianfilmcrew said:
Again Michael, thanks. Like you just shared, my wife's heart is so cold and hard. Things have completely fallen apart this last month, and I'm not sure it will ever get any better. I'm starting to look for my own place to live, and am finally re-establishing old friendships and making new ones too. I've been so disconnected since moving to the
christianfilmcrew said:
USA, and was afraid to contact my old friends because of what had been happening in my marriage.
christianfilmcrew said:


Now I'm just on my face before God asking Him what to do each day, trusting in Him, looking to Him and only doing what He tells me to do.



I still keep balling from time to time because of the heartache and the pain. I don't understand how someone can be so cruel...




Christianfilmcrew… I’m so sorry to hear that things have fallen apart on you after such an uplifting OP. What has happened? Nothing will get better for sure if you are not in alignment with the Lord and His Will. I’m not sure why you are looking for your own place and changing your friendships. How does all this promote the reconciliation of your marriage? I would strongly suggest that you (and anyone else in a similar situation as ours) concentrate on “being” rather than “doing.” You mention…”Now I'm just on my face before God asking Him what to do each day, trusting in Him, looking to Him and only doing what He tells me to do.” If, in fact, that you are only concerned with the “doing” when He tells you to do something, then great. However, if you are thinking of things to “do,” I would be very concerned about that. It is very much human nature to “do” and we have a very difficult time just “being.” Unless you know that the Lord is directing your every step in relocating and re/establishing old/new friendships, I would halt everything right now and ask Him if you should indeed be “doing” (something) or just be “being” for right now. I will continue to lift your relationship before the Lord and ask that He provide you with some guidance. I was very fortunate to have had a conversation with my wife (posted in divorce or separated forum – “A Small, Yet Significant Praise Report” thread) and I truly hope that we may be on the road to recovery without having to face the rollercoaster ride you may be on right now.



I used to think that my wife was being cruel, but when I realized how hurt and broken she was, I knew that her cruelty wasn’t a premeditated action/thought/word of a healthy individual. I have no right to think that I should expect anything different right now because of the damage in her life. Until I was able to look at life through her eyes and walk in her shoes some, I was unable to understand why she could hurt me so badly. Now I have a tremendous amount of compassion and empathy for her and let the “stuff” bounce right off of me. God is my defender!…Michael
 
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seekfirst

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christianfilmcrew said:
God has been at work tremendously in the last few days with my wife and I. We saw the counsellor together on Friday and it was good.

On Saturday night I got called in to run one of the video cameras at church on the weekend, and my wife was planning on being there with friends who aren't saved. We planned to go to Sunday mornings 2nd service together. Anwyays I noticed she came in alone on Sat night.

We connected after the service and she ran up and gave me a hug. We looked at joining a small group for a special series we're doing at our church right now, and we were looking into whether or not to go to one together or to do a separate mens/womens thing.

Well, I had a good friend who pretty much runs the video department a few weeks earlier and he had been praying for our marriage and had talked to someone who is the marriage/couples pastor at our church, and who runs an 'edge of committment' pre marriage course for couples looking to get married. My friend steve said that the guy who runs this course would let us do it for free.

So as we're looking at signing up for small group and which group/s to join, the guy we were talking to asked where we lived, we admitted that we were living in separate locations. He then said we should forget about doing the small groups and do the 'edge of committment' stuff, which started the next day, even though we were married.

So yesterday we attended the first class, and we went through the PREPARE questionairre. My heart was sinking as I saw that the only thing that was now holding our marriage together (i.e. keeping our marriage from divorce) was our Spiritual walk and faith.

We spent the rest of the afternoon and evening together as a family. We picked up my daughter (step-daughter), and we went to lunch and played together, and we discussed some of the answers we shared on the PREPARE worksheet. It was very good.

Later we drove out to Hoover Dam, and then back to my car which was still parked at the church. As we sat, God started opening up my broken heart to my wife. I further identified struggles I'd been having, feelings of spiritual oppression and attacks on my mind (which we both have been going through), and how I was just longing to be loved. I led in prayer that God would give me a heart of flesh and not of stone...

As I was about to head home, I leaned in to give my daughter a kiss and she gave me like 10 kisses in rapid succession all over my head. It made me smile, then my wife did the same thing, and for the first time ever, I felt truly loved by her. My heart broke wide open, and I fell in a heap of blubbering mess to the ground.

She had put her finger on something, the lie that satan had been propgating in my life for years. That I wasn't loved. I'd been running on an empty love tank for almost all of my life. Something happened inside of me, that I am still scratching my head over.

As I drove home, I literally felt like I had had a heart transplant. My chest felt like it was 10 pounds lighter, my heart was no longer under stress, and I felt transformed, and washed clean.

I'm still waiting to see the evidence of the outworking of what God appears to have done in me. I'm still a little nervous that maybe it was a flash in the pan moment, but I am praying it isn't, and that I can explore the question of my own love hunger with the counsellor next time I see him...

In Christ,
Dean.
I'm praying for you and your wife, and your family. What an awesome testimony...I'm glad you are on the road of healing, and are starting to feel how real love feels. May God continue to bless you and your family.
 
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christianfilmcrew

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Hey Michael,

Trust me, I've been doing a lot of being lately, especially with recovery after the surgery.

I finally got well enough to make it out to the Christian Bookstore the other day, and bought over $100 worth of books... :) There's a lot of issues I need to resolve in me, but even before I've started exploring some of these things I've been getting healthier and happier since I set up a boundary with my wife that said "I will no longer tolerate being treated this way (i.e. domination and control).

In terms of friends, Michael, I've not had any friends since I moved to the USA from Australia. I did have old friends from years past in both Los Angeles and other parts of the country, but I was too afraid to re-establish my friendships for fear of losing them because of what was happening in my marriage. Friendships outside of marriage are vital and important, provide a level of accountability and also healthy release. They can help provide input and help bring understanding. I've not been making new friends and ditching old friends, I think you might have misunderstood me there. I'm making friends. I need a support network, as well as friends outside of my marriage. For 2 years the only people I had any relationship with was my wife and step-daughter.

Anyway, I've started dealing a lot with my own issues, and got one book "Control Freaks" which I got to help me see what to do with my wife's control issues, but has also shown me my own control freak tendencies, which I'm really taking care of right now.

Last night I watched a dvd from www.nooma.com that I had got in a "Vegas in a Can" welcome to Las Vegas kit that my church put together. It was a video parable about a daddy hiking in the woods with his one year old on his back. Suddenly it started to rain, with lightning and thunder. Soon the baby was wailing, all he could see was this terrible scary storm. He didn't know that daddy would get him safely back home, for him his entire reality was the storm. Soon the daddy took the baby out of the backpack harness and held him in his arms. He kept whispering, "Daddy loves you", "I'll get you home," "Daddy loves you," over and over again. By the end of it I was in tears. For the first time I saw God truly as my Daddy, and I knew that I could trust Him to bring me home.

This afternoon I bought a single red rose, and took the DVD I mentioned above, and left both of them in my wife's car. At first when I saw her car, it had a steering wheel lock on it. It spoke to me about my wifes mental state, not the good happy place it should be. (It's like she's fighting a ghost from her past-maybe her ex-husband). Then as I looked inside the car, I came face to face with the filthy interior, symbolic of her lifestyle, and something that has caused many a conflict in our marriage. It broke my heart to see the mess and the squalor inside a 4 year old car. At first I thought about how I couldn't ever go back to a life like that, about how disgusting the car and mess was in my wife's lifestyle (I mean I once cleaned it out before and nearly threw up, rotting food months old and more)... I couldn't do anything else but lay down my feelings and my repulsion at the foot of the cross. My wife needed to know she was loved, and more than that, that she had a DADDY. As hard as it was to do this for me, I know that she needs Jesus in her life more than she needs me. I hope and pray that the DVD I left indeed gets watched, I know it will touch her heart.

The hardest thing for me right now is trusting in God for Him to do a miracle. All I can do is pray and intercede and trust God for the results. It's been very freeing of late to be on my knees and feel the sweet touch and warmth of a loving God. I know now beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is holding me saying "Dean, I love you, you're mine, I'll get you home." It's been freeing too to get some distance from the problems and see once again who I am in Christ. Looking at what I went through, I can't believe what I was willing to put up with in the past. It was horrible and isn't something I can ever return to. The journey ahead will be challenging, but God is with me, and I'm trusting in my Daddy now...

Dean.

P.S. In terms of finding somewhere new to live, I've been holding on to a two bedroom apartment, and it's costing both my wife and I more than we can afford. It's for financial responsibility, she has no intention of reconcilling right now and seems to be walking out her plan for divorce. It's looking exactly the same as what she did with her first husband. I've got bills to pay, that I hadn't paid for 2 years because I was paying down my wifes old debts (from before I met her). I need to pay my bills and releasing her from financial obligation for the apartment will help her pay down her own debts. This process towards reconcilliation is going to take a while, my wife still isn't broken over her sin and fails to see the trail of destruction in her own life and decisions... Until that happens reconcilliation can't even be considered... As a counsellor at Focus on the Family said, "A person who fails or refuses to honestly look at their own sin, is an extremely dangerous person to be married to." This is what I have been facing for the last 2 years.
 
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bringingup4forHim

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christianfilmcrew~ i pray for peace in your life and mercy in your heart. our God is an awesome God, He loves to remind us just how awesome He is at the darkest of times. i agree with the pp~ just be right now. it sounds like you are doing just that. it's so hard to do that in this fast pace world we live in. i think we all should just be all the time, not just during turmoil. if we could master that art, we would be able to hear the holy spirit without question. i pray the holy spirt will comfort you and that you will hear Gods direction clearly.

~Debbie
 
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