Another bipolar to join everyone here

[Dianna_Child of God]

Hi. Decided to come join everyone here. I was diagnosed with bipolar in my mid-20's, along with OCD,social and general anxiety and BPD. I am on meds, see my therapist weekly and doing DBT therapy for BPD. I usually on tell people I am bipolar. That has a bad enough stigma as it is, tell them about BPD and they think you are some crazy lunatic.

I have some major ups and downs. The bipolar I inherited from my dad. All my past, current doctors and me have pinpointed the BPD coming from my father's suicide when I was 16.

I have a very hard time reaching out and trusting people in regards to telling them that I am having a hard time. The last church I attended I left. When I left I was headed into a downward spiral. Figured there was no help for me, that there never was. I had become a close friend of one of the ladies there, she work in the office. I told her I wasn't coming back and that I wasn't a Christian. I pushed her, the church and even other people away.

When I hit rock bottom I do feel there is no hope for me. My irrational mind and depression taking over I don't know who I can trust.

I have felt God tugging at my heart. I have been praying a lot, talking with Christians, here and other places, reading God's word. I long for a deep lifelong relationship with him.

I have not told my husband(not a Christian), really haven't had the chance as he has been working non-stop and now he and our boys are camping. He will support me but he will say that this will pass when I mood swings down. I was just in a very bad place and am slowly pulling myself out of it, but not totally out of it. Boy, I wish I was.

So here I am. Do any of you have people in your church know about your bipolar or other disorders you may have? Who do you know you can turn to.

I have been told once I had to go off meds, fast and pray to be healed to really be saved....yeah, off to the hospital I went. Of course left that church, I was very hurt by the whole experience. Trusted a Pastor and it turned out bad.

I am scared to reach out. I know I need to if in a bad spot and need support. When depression hits sometimes I can't leave the house and want to be able to turn to someone in whatever church I end up and say I need prayers, maybe see if someone can come visit, whatever.

Just hard to know. Sorry for the ramble.

 

[Jeshu]

Hi. Decided to come join everyone here. I was diagnosed with bipolar in my mid-20's, along with OCD,social and general anxiety and BPD. I am on meds, see my therapist weekly and doing DBT therapy for BPD. I usually on tell people I am bipolar. That has a bad enough stigma as it is, tell them about BPD and they think you are some crazy lunatic.

I have some major ups and downs. The bipolar I inherited from my dad. All my past, current doctors and me have pinpointed the BPD coming from my father's suicide when I was 16.

I have a very hard time reaching out and trusting people in regards to telling them that I am having a hard time. The last church I attended I left. When I left I was headed into a downward spiral. Figured there was no help for me, that there never was. I had become a close friend of one of the ladies there, she work in the office. I told her I wasn't coming back and that I wasn't a Christian. I pushed her, the church and even other people away.

When I hit rock bottom I do feel there is no hope for me. My irrational mind and depression taking over I don't know who I can trust.

I have felt God tugging at my heart. I have been praying a lot, talking with Christians, here and other places, reading God's word. I long for a deep lifelong relationship with him.

I have not told my husband(not a Christian), really haven't had the chance as he has been working non-stop and now he and our boys are camping. He will support me but he will say that this will pass when I mood swings down. I was just in a very bad place and am slowly pulling myself out of it, but not totally out of it. Boy, I wish I was.

So here I am. Do any of you have people in your church know about your bipolar or other disorders you may have? Who do you know you can turn to.

I have been told once I had to go off meds, fast and pray to be healed to really be saved....yeah, off to the hospital I went. Of course left that church, I was very hurt by the whole experience. Trusted a Pastor and it turned out bad.

I am scared to reach out. I know I need to if in a bad spot and need support. When depression hits sometimes I can't leave the house and want to be able to turn to someone in whatever church I end up and say I need prayers, maybe see if someone can come visit, whatever.

Just hard to know. Sorry for the ramble.

Hi nice post, good to meet you here

My name is Gerry, I got Schizo-affective disorder and post around here sometimes. I so understand how you would have pushed God away, I did that as well, I even cursed Him in my rages, right out of my frustration with my own miserable life.

However Jesus found me rock bottom - just 4 years ago or so - and helped me back onto my feet again and taught me some incredible good lessons to survive my illness. I can't tell you how pleased I am with God after I found out that He loves us and not just smites us with illness that are unbearable hard to survive.

Only just now have I found a (legal) anti-psychotic but still miss a good mood stabiliser, I have only just suffered a major psychosis and am still very down at times.

I hope you will find friends among us we used to have a lot more people coming here but it is a little quieter here now, The depression forums are really good as well and I want to invite you onto one of our threads there, that is if you feel comfratble doing so of course.

Here is the link (have a read of a few posts, like I said we have some really good people coming past on a daily basis, I'm not sure if the bi-polar thread can offer you this at this moment in time.)

http://www.christianforums.com/t7584354/


Have a nice day

Gerry

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

Hi Gerry, thank you for the message. I was laying in bed last night and my mind was telling me I wasn't good enough. That I was just no worthy and that these stupid illness would always be a stumbling block and now allow me to grow close to God. Honestly, I got up out of bed, came here to delete my account, give up, and just realize there was no hope. Then I saw this, and I cried. Made me feel not alone as much.

 

[Jeshu]

Hi Gerry, thank you for the message. I was laying in bed last night and my mind was telling me I wasn't good enough. That I was just no worthy and that these stupid illness would always be a stumbling block and now allow me to grow close to God. Honestly, I got up out of bed, came here to delete my account, give up, and just realize there was no hope. Then I saw this, and I cried. Made me feel not alone as much.

It is true your illness will always be a bother but I found out God doesn't need to be afar off, indeed God knows His Way around depression quiet well. I charged Him with not caring about us at one stage but came of thinking like this in a big way when I got to know Him down deep.

Currently I'm very down, I find it hard to type even, but God is great!

Be of good courage sis you don't always have to be far from Him and may get to know Him from a much more personal perspective.

Take care

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

It is true your illness will always be a bother but I found out God doesn't need to be afar off, indeed God knows His Way around depression quiet well. I charged Him with not caring about us at one stage but came of thinking like this in a big way when I got to know Him down deep.

Currently I'm very down, I find it hard to type even, but God is great!

Be of good courage sis you don't always have to be far from Him and may get to know Him from a much more personal perspective.

Take care

I am sorry that you are in such a down place. I will pray for you. I will also pray for me. I am wondering if right now it is better that I hold off on church for sometime and dig into his word, his love and prayer on my own so that personal relationship can grow.

I have fellowship here. I have a girl on a bipolar list I am on that is Christian and we email back and forth and she is very encouraging. I have many cds of beautiful worship music to listen to and sing to.

Maybe I am so stressed and scared about church that it is his way of saying to me, that I need to know him better before I move on, before I rush into anything.

Ok, wow, I didn't know I was going to type that but I just has some sort of realization. I need to grow in him personally before I do anything else.

 

[Jeshu]

I am sorry that you are in such a down place. I will pray for you. I will also pray for me. I am wondering if right now it is better that I hold off on church for sometime and dig into his word, his love and prayer on my own so that personal relationship can grow.

I have fellowship here. I have a girl on a bipolar list I am on that is Christian and we email back and forth and she is very encouraging. I have many cds of beautiful worship music to listen to and sing to.

Maybe I am so stressed and scared about church that it is his way of saying to me, that I need to know him better before I move on, before I rush into anything.

Ok, wow, I didn't know I was going to type that but I just has some sort of realization. I need to grow in him personally before I do anything else.

I so agree with you, I have also stayed away from Church to grow strong in The Lord, Regrettably a lot of Christians are not very nice to mentally ill people and we need to grow strong relations with Him to survive that.

I also love worship music what is some of the stuff in your arsenal?

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

I so agree with you, I have also stayed away from Church to grow strong in The Lord, Regrettably a lot of Christians are not very nice to mentally ill people and we need to grow strong relations with Him to survive that.

I also love worship music what is some of the stuff in your arsenal?

No, there are a lot who are not and that is very discouraging.

Casting Crowns,Delirious?,Avalon,Point of Grace,some WOW cd's,David Crowder and SuperChick off the top of my head. I hate to say but they are in the attic. They will be rescued today.

 

[Lily_Among_Thorns]

Hi. Decided to come join everyone here. I was diagnosed with bipolar in my mid-20's, along with OCD,social and general anxiety and BPD. I am on meds, see my therapist weekly and doing DBT therapy for BPD. I usually on tell people I am bipolar. That has a bad enough stigma as it is, tell them about BPD and they think you are some crazy lunatic.

I have some major ups and downs. The bipolar I inherited from my dad. All my past, current doctors and me have pinpointed the BPD coming from my father's suicide when I was 16.

I have a very hard time reaching out and trusting people in regards to telling them that I am having a hard time. The last church I attended I left. When I left I was headed into a downward spiral. Figured there was no help for me, that there never was. I had become a close friend of one of the ladies there, she work in the office. I told her I wasn't coming back and that I wasn't a Christian. I pushed her, the church and even other people away.

When I hit rock bottom I do feel there is no hope for me. My irrational mind and depression taking over I don't know who I can trust.

I have felt God tugging at my heart. I have been praying a lot, talking with Christians, here and other places, reading God's word. I long for a deep lifelong relationship with him.

I have not told my husband(not a Christian), really haven't had the chance as he has been working non-stop and now he and our boys are camping. He will support me but he will say that this will pass when I mood swings down. I was just in a very bad place and am slowly pulling myself out of it, but not totally out of it. Boy, I wish I was.

So here I am. Do any of you have people in your church know about your bipolar or other disorders you may have? Who do you know you can turn to.

I have been told once I had to go off meds, fast and pray to be healed to really be saved....yeah, off to the hospital I went. Of course left that church, I was very hurt by the whole experience. Trusted a Pastor and it turned out bad.

I am scared to reach out. I know I need to if in a bad spot and need support. When depression hits sometimes I can't leave the house and want to be able to turn to someone in whatever church I end up and say I need prayers, maybe see if someone can come visit, whatever.

Just hard to know. Sorry for the ramble.

Hi my name is Chris I have SchizoAffective Disorder, however, I exhibit characteristics of Bipolar (without the depression), mainly through mania. I come to this part of the forum because my Affective portion of my disorder is similar to Bipolar.

I don't know where I got SchizoAffective from since there has never been a case of Schizophrenia in my family history to the best of my knowledge. Just one of those mysterious things. I call it the gift from God.

You push God away but what happens you're right back with him. In this way we know that we are faithful. We could have done anything to escape God. But deep down in our heart there God is. It's a beautiful relationship and nothing to feel guilty about. Sometimes we seek God by pushing him away. It strengthens our relationship with him and our understanding of him.

I push God away from myself all the time in order to test that relationship. I think William Blake says it best when he says, opposition is true friendship. That is what my relationship with God feels like (opposition) but it really feels like true friendship with Jesus. A friend rather than a Lord is what I see in God.

Yea don't listen to people who make promises such as healing. There is not one person on this earth that has the miracle of healing. There is not one person who has power. God will not heal you. Why? And take away your cross. Look to your affliction as the cross that you bear. God will not take away your cross, so believe no man, no church that says they will faith heal you. No man, no church has no such power.

Don't be scared to reach out. The only thing in this universe that you should be afraid of is the Lord. The fear of the Lord is the only fear you should have.

 

[Lily_Among_Thorns]

Hi nice post, good to meet you here

My name is Gerry, I got Schizo-affective disorder and post around here sometimes. I so understand how you would have pushed God away, I did that as well, I even cursed Him in my rages, right out of my frustration with my own miserable life.

However Jesus found me rock bottom - just 4 years ago or so - and helped me back onto my feet again and taught me some incredible good lessons to survive my illness. I can't tell you how pleased I am with God after I found out that He loves us and not just smites us with illness that are unbearable hard to survive.

Only just now have I found a (legal) anti-psychotic but still miss a good mood stabiliser, I have only just suffered a major psychosis and am still very down at times.

I hope you will find friends among us we used to have a lot more people coming here but it is a little quieter here now, The depression forums are really good as well and I want to invite you onto one of our threads there, that is if you feel comfratble doing so of course.

Here is the link (have a read of a few posts, like I said we have some really good people coming past on a daily basis, I'm not sure if the bi-polar thread can offer you this at this moment in time.)

http://www.christianforums.com/t7584354/


Have a nice day

Gerry

Get yourself on some Lithium for a good mood stabilizer. I've been on several and it was as if the doctors did not know what they were doing prior to the lithium. Lithium is not supposed to be prescribed, rather it is the best prescribed mood stabilizer for SchizoAffective Disorder (of which I have also). I was going into the hospital, like clockwork, every year, once a year. It's been well over a year since I last went in and started taking the lithium. I've been showing no psychotic symptoms. The only drawback to lithium is it makes you weak while taking it over time.

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

I do feel like it is my cross to bear. I don't question why I have to deal with this. Everyone has burdens and I know at times it is my faith that needs to keep me strong and keep the burdens from taking over. I fight with depression so bad. Not as bad as I use to. For a few years I was in and out of the hospital non-stop. I know have the best med doc and therapist I have ever had. I don't expect God to heal me and I am ok with that. I feel like one thing with this disorders is I can help educate people so they are not going off what they see on tv and in movies. My brother is now in college to become a therapist. I inspired him to want to help people. I am very proud of him. He has a deep passion about it. I have been able to give people the correct information and to see what we really deal with and what life can be during the good and bad times.

I am very glad I came to this part of CF because I did feel alone in the part of having disorders and keeping a relationship with the Lord.

This morning was nice, everyone in the house was gone, and I had stuff to do around the house, and I had a very nice conversation with the Lord, I just talked about all my feelings and what is in my heart(he knows already) but it felt great to say it, to talk to him.

 

[Jeshu]

Get yourself on some Lithium for a good mood stabilizer. I've been on several and it was as if the doctors did not know what they were doing prior to the lithium. Lithium is not supposed to be prescribed, rather it is the best prescribed mood stabilizer for SchizoAffective Disorder (of which I have also). I was going into the hospital, like clockwork, every year, once a year. It's been well over a year since I last went in and started taking the lithium. I've been showing no psychotic symptoms. The only drawback to lithium is it makes you weak while taking it over time.

Thank you for sharing this!

Unfortunately Lithium nor scores of other mood stabilisers help, I've tried 8 years of mood stabilisers and they all put me rock bottom in no time.

It hasn't been easy, but I'm glad they working for you.

Take care

 

[Jeshu]

......

This morning was nice, everyone in the house was gone, and I had stuff to do around the house, and I had a very nice conversation with the Lord, I just talked about all my feelings and what is in my heart(he knows already) but it felt great to say it, to talk to him.

Yes that is how I love Him the best, and my music to keep me in line. I found that to believe lies about God, ourselves and others we hear all the time because of our depression are the worst part of our illness, so God and His truth has been really important to me.

I'll share you a poem I wrote about this battle

Song of Battle.

The arrows streak their flame.
I'm under attack again!
Opening the treasures of my defence,
His loving Word my only chance,
Of surviving the fiery weather.

"Do, don't, eat, abstain, go or stay."
Is what my inner attackers say.
Scornfully throwing their hate around.
My sins sissing at their sound.
With my own misery they surround.

Now one grabs me by the throat.
My life his scornful gloat.
"How can you trust in God's grace,
When I rub this dirt in your face?"
He demands in accuser's tone.

In humble voice I bow my head.
Lord can You hear what they said?
Yet who can charge Your elect?
Jesus sacrifice makes us perfect.
Please give me faith to stand.

His sword streaks its flame.
Attacking my enemies once again.
His loving Word fells them all.
In the fire of His love they fall,
A wonderful happy ending.

For Jesus is victorious over my sin.
Eternal life He for me did win.
Praises to Him from my heart swells.
As His Spirit of Truth in me dwells.
All glory to Him!

 

[Lily_Among_Thorns]

Thank you for sharing this!

Unfortunately Lithium nor scores of other mood stabilisers help, I've tried 8 years of mood stabilisers and they all put me rock bottom in no time.

It hasn't been easy, but I'm glad they working for you.

Take care

There is one more alternative. If you live in a state with legalized medical marijuana. Marijuana is an excellent mood stabilizer. It is used to treat SchizoAffective Disorder.

This is my story. I used to be a marijuana addict before I became Schizoaffective. While I was using it I was showing no symptoms of SchizoAffective Disorder. I stopped using it and I began to show symptoms. It turns out I was treating/medicating myself long before I knew I had SchizoAffective disorder.

I wouldn't suggest using marijuana illegally but if you are one of those lucky people to live in a state that legalizes medical marijuana then I would suggest taking advantage of such treatment. Marijuana is alot more potent than the mood stabilizers that you get from the pharmacy.

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

That is a beautiful poem!! I am going to save it in a file so I have to read at other times

 

[Lily_Among_Thorns]

I do feel like it is my cross to bear. I don't question why I have to deal with this. Everyone has burdens and I know at times it is my faith that needs to keep me strong and keep the burdens from taking over. I fight with depression so bad. Not as bad as I use to. For a few years I was in and out of the hospital non-stop. I know have the best med doc and therapist I have ever had. I don't expect God to heal me and I am ok with that. I feel like one thing with this disorders is I can help educate people so they are not going off what they see on tv and in movies. My brother is now in college to become a therapist. I inspired him to want to help people. I am very proud of him. He has a deep passion about it. I have been able to give people the correct information and to see what we really deal with and what life can be during the good and bad times.

I am very glad I came to this part of CF because I did feel alone in the part of having disorders and keeping a relationship with the Lord.

This morning was nice, everyone in the house was gone, and I had stuff to do around the house, and I had a very nice conversation with the Lord, I just talked about all my feelings and what is in my heart(he knows already) but it felt great to say it, to talk to him.

People with mental and physical disabilities have a very special role to play with God. God uses the least of these to judge other people. We play a role in other people's salvation. By this, I mean, if you can recall in scripture, where Jesus says, As you have done to the least of these you have done it unto me--We are the least of these, you and me, since we face incredible odds due to our disorders. This is the cross we bare and the role we play. Through us many will be judged in how they treat us, throughout our lives we will face many hardships because of others and many joys because of yet others.

That is good that you try to help educate people. Like I said I'm SchizoAffective and I think that holds a different stigma than bipolar. Like people tend to think that Schizophrenia is a disorder where I would have more one person living inside of me. However, that's not Schizophrenia that is Multiple personality disorder. Schizophrenia stands for 'split-mind', where the mind splits from reality. Another common misconception is that Schizophrenia is related to psychopathy or sociopathy, since once in a while a Schizophrenic will kill someone out of their delusion. The truth is a normal person is more likely to commit a murder (or crime) than a Schizophrenic is; and more normal people do commit murders. But when a Schizophrenic does it is over-exaggerated and in the spotlight.

It is good to have a conversation with the Lord. Even though he knows what is in your heart. You must bring it out of your heart so that you know what is in your heart. Turn everything invisible into that which is visible, so that you know yourself. It is good to know yourself so that you don't exist in a poverty and are that poverty. Bring it all out to the Lord.

 

[Jeshu]

There is one more alternative.

....

Yes I know, but both the law and my asthma stops me from using this any longer successfully

I'm using Sam-e but have only for a week and found out that it is not recommended for Bi-polar but I had already ordered it before I found out. I hope it will lift me a little though I have been rather low lately

 

[ScarredSaint]

I'm curious as to how marijuana can help bipolar...I've only tried it once (did nothing) but I have a friend who regularly takes it. She says it makes whatever mood you're in worse not better. She said I should never touch it if I'm depressed as it will quite likely make me suicidal.
Also, I've heard that marijuana can make you psychotic.

It doesn't sound like it would do any good at all, to me.

 

[Lily_Among_Thorns]

I'm curious as to how marijuana can help bipolar...I've only tried it once (did nothing) but I have a friend who regularly takes it. She says it makes whatever mood you're in worse not better. She said I should never touch it if I'm depressed as it will quite likely make me suicidal.
Also, I've heard that marijuana can make you psychotic.

It doesn't sound like it would do any good at all, to me.

I don't know about Marijuana and Bipolar disorder. I'm talking about SchizoAffective Disorder, it is used to treat.

Marijuana affects people in different ways. Your friends experience is typical to her opposed to the experience of another. I'm SchizoAffective, I'm not depressed. Mood has to do with a frame of mind, not merely depression. What I experience similar to Bipolar is Manic episodes but I lack depression. So when I'm talking about using marijuana as a mood stabilizer I'm talking about a frame of mind.

In what way can marijuana make you psychotic? I've heard also that marijuana causes Schizophrenia but it just isn't true. Schizophrenia is something that you are born with. I don't take marijuana anymore but I have for over a decade and I've never experienced any psychotic symptoms. For the first year of my disorder it was actually covering up the psychotic symptoms of my disorder because it is used to treat SchizoAffective disorder.

 

[ScarredSaint]

In what way can marijuana make you psychotic? I've heard also that marijuana causes Schizophrenia but it just isn't true. Schizophrenia is something that you are born with. I don't take marijuana anymore but I have for over a decade and I've never experienced any psychotic symptoms. For the first year of my disorder it was actually covering up the psychotic symptoms of my disorder because it is used to treat SchizoAffective disorder.

The DSM IV includes a list of psychiatric disorders where cannabis use can be a factor, these are the codes:

Cannabis

305.20 Abuse
304.30 Dependence
292.89 -Induced Anxiety Disorder
292.11 -Induced Psychotic Disorder, With Delusions
292.12 -Induced Psychotic Disorder, With Hallucinations
292.89 Intoxication
292.81 Intoxication Delirium
292.9 -Related Disorder NOS

293.89 Catatonic Disorder Due to...[Indicate the General Medical Condition]
299.10 Childhood Disintegrative Disorder
V71.02 Child or Adolescent Antisocial Behavior
307.22 Chronic Motor or Vocal Tic Disorder
307.45 Circadian Rhythm Sleep Disorder

I would have given a link, but I haven't got enough posts yet. I got it from Psych Central though.

 

[Jeshu]

That is a beautiful poem!! I am going to save it in a file so I have to read at other times

Thanks!

I hope all this talk about other stuff hasn't upset you dear, and I hope you have a blessed day today.

A poem about the time I climbed out of my pit.

Forsaking The Pit.
As I climb over the rim, I clearly see,
Involuntary I shudder the sight in me,
Down without a bottom the pit below,
Yes this fiery hole within me on show!

Hear voices of darkness pressing hard on must.
Those 'speaking guilt, shame, unbelief, and distrust,
All together pushing, yes, pressing me deep,
Resisting my climb to the top so steep.

See those guilty feelings still tug my feet,
I can feel flames searing, my toes they meet!
Electrifying my soul, no mercy on show.
Why ever did I take this hell-hole in tow?

Above me the Light, Jesus, the Truth so high!
How long before I will meet up with Him in the sky?
He knows I will come after Him without a doubt,
As true nourishing goodness He is all about.

My bloodied fingers scraped by rock,
For how many years did they mock?
Those hard places within my very being,
Those fiery stones of my own seeing!

I climbed after the Light right above me,
The only truth that truly leaves me be,
Never will I stop seeking after The Light.
As Jesus Christ is my very soul's delight!

Soon the 'resting place' of my enemy,
Bottomless pit shall forever be!
For the ones without Love or Grace.
Those who with their lies made this place.