I just wanted to thank everyone for their prayers. I could feel God's comfort and strength through your care and concern.
I am afraid that I have upset people, though. I did something that my husband's family just doesn't understand. I really felt the need to get away for my anniversary and I told my children where I was going. They were concerned, but understood and even volunteered to come with me. This was something, however, that I had to do on my own.
We honeymooned in Colonial Williamsburg and took our growing family for many vacations there. It was "our" place. I knew I needed to get away and I went by myself to Williamsburg. I wondered around the town and visited the places that were our favorites. I ate lunch in one of the colonial restaurants. I attended church service in Bruton Parish Church. It was very comforting being there in the place we both loved.
When 6 pm was coming (this was the time of our wedding ceremony), I found myself sitting under a tree on market square. Colonial Williamsburg closes at 5 pm, so it was very quiet, with a few people milling around. It was very peaceful. A family strolled by with the grandparents, parents, and grandchildren. They were laughing and enjoying themselves. I found comfort in that. Terry will never be a grandfather and that makes me sad. He would have been a wonderful pop-pop. But, life does go on and I am so proud of my children and the way they have turned to each other during this time. I know that we will continue our tradition of coming together in Williamsburg.
At 6 pm I did something I had not expected to do. I was still sitting under the tree and found myself quietly saying our wedding vows. When I said the words, "till death do us part", I let Terry go. It was my way of saying good-bye. It was very quiet and peaceful and for the first time I felt that my heart will go on. He will always be a part of me and a part of who I am, but I will build a new life. And I know that this is the way Terry would have wanted it. I don't know where the Lord is taking me, but I will trust in his leading. Maybe I will remarry, maybe I will remain single. And, whichever, is perfectly fine.
My husband's family is very upset with me. They were very concerned about me and didn't know where I was. I explained that all they needed to do was ask my children.
Anyway, I am feeling so much better, but now I have that stupid song from Titanic in my head--"my heart will go on". Yikes!! It's kinda like that song in Disneyworld ,"It's a Small World After All". It never stops--just goes round and round in circles. I have to get Celine Deon out of my head!
With all my love,
Jean