Angry!!!

Sorry dayknee that your hurting.
I don't have any words that would help you deal with your anger.

There's a lot going on here.

1. First, you're playing the martyr and not taking responsibility for your own role in making yourself miserable. You're the one with possibly unrealistic expectations about your boyfriend NEVER EVER looking at another woman again. You're the one who snooped. People are human, to be completely tautological. While I believe it's perfectly possible for two people to be monogamously committed for an entire lifetime, I don't think it's possible to never look at another person except your spouse for as long as you live. That's a fairytale, and it's only going to serve to make you (and lots of other insecure women) miserable. He's with YOU. He loves YOU. He demonstrates that when he puts up with your snooping, the violation of his trust, and your overreaction. If you can't handle that your significant other might have seen an actress' breasts and might like breasts in general, you're going to have some serious issues finding a guy to live up to your priggish standards. You have to acknowledge that you have some pretty ridiculous rules for your boyfriend, and the fact that you can't cope with him being a human (a tolerant, patient, and faithful human) who might have seen some boobies-- that's why you're unhappy. Not because he's terrible or your ex is terrible or all men are terrible.
2. This is... an unhealthy amount of insecurity and jealousy. If it were a boyfriend doing this to his girlfriend, we'd call it controlling or perhaps emotionally abusive. Violating someone's privacy (stealing his password, even) and then exploding in a 2-day jealous fit at finding that he MIGHT have commented on an actress' breasts? I don't think you're being malicious, but whoa, that's excessive. (By "excessive," I mean, "borderline abusive.")
3. Don't punish your boyfriend for your ex-husband's shortcomings. It's unfair, and more than that, it's a violation of his privacy and the trust in your relationship. He's at fault on some ways, of course, but I think he's primarily at fault because he was dishonest with you when he said he could comply with your unrealistic expectations. His posting in that forum doesn't seem morally reprehensible at all; lying to you about it MIGHT have been. But it seems like he had reason to lie-- if he knew you would react to something relatively benign with two days of petulance, I'm not sure I'd even say he was wrong to lie.

I don't like porn either. I'm not puritanical about sex, but the porn industry treats women poorly and it squicks me out. But, I make my feelings on it clear at the beginning of a relationship (that I don't like it), and then I trust my partner to take that into account. I explain my reasoning (that I think porn contributes to women's continued inequality) and leave it to my partner to behave ethically. I'm aware that my partner probably still occasionally looks at porn, that he definitely checks out other women, but honestly, I check out other men, too. I know that when I do it, it's harmless. So when I feel insecure about him thinking about other women, I think about what it's like when I check out other men, and I acknowledge that in BOTH cases, it's harmless. I honestly put myself in his shoes, as charitably as possible, and realize he means no harm or infidelity by it. Then I try not to think about it anymore. It's just human reality that we've all got wandering eyeballs, but you have to put it in perspective. A partner is much more likely to stay with you if s/he knows that you will allow him or her to be a human being.

I don't mean this condescendingly, but if you're this paranoid and insecure, and so prone to violating the personal boundaries of others, it might be time speak with someone professionally. They might be able to help you with some of your lingering trust issues from your ex. You seem to have come by your issues honestly, but talking to someone might help you deal with the prior hurt and trust issues so that you can have a good relationship with your boyfriend.

[Sorry that this was so long, and sorry also that it came off pretty harsh. In the interest of disclosing the biased source from which this advice came: my ex-boyfriend pulled this kind of drama for the entirety of the two years I was with him. I became paranoid and hypervigilant in response, because I was constantly on guard against the next jealous, unprovoked explosion. The day I dumped him was the best day ever, because I am now free from his craziness.]

I agree with Grump. Nothing more to really add there.

GrumpGrump said:

There's a lot going on here.

1. First, you're playing the martyr and not taking responsibility for your own role in making yourself miserable. You're the one with possibly unrealistic expectations about your boyfriend NEVER EVER looking at another woman again. You're the one who snooped. People are human, to be completely tautological. While I believe it's perfectly possible for two people to be monogamously committed for an entire lifetime, I don't think it's possible to never look at another person except your spouse for as long as you live. That's a fairytale, and it's only going to serve to make you (and lots of other insecure women) miserable. He's with YOU. He loves YOU. He demonstrates that when he puts up with your snooping, the violation of his trust, and your overreaction. If you can't handle that your significant other might have seen an actress' breasts and might like breasts in general, you're going to have some serious issues finding a guy to live up to your priggish standards. You have to acknowledge that you have some pretty ridiculous rules for your boyfriend, and the fact that you can't cope with him being a human (a tolerant, patient, and faithful human) who might have seen some boobies-- that's why you're unhappy. Not because he's terrible or your ex is terrible or all men are terrible.
2. This is... an unhealthy amount of insecurity and jealousy. If it were a boyfriend doing this to his girlfriend, we'd call it controlling or perhaps emotionally abusive. Violating someone's privacy (stealing his password, even) and then exploding in a 2-day jealous fit at finding that he MIGHT have commented on an actress' breasts? I don't think you're being malicious, but whoa, that's excessive. (By "excessive," I mean, "borderline abusive.")
3. Don't punish your boyfriend for your ex-husband's shortcomings. It's unfair, and more than that, it's a violation of his privacy and the trust in your relationship. He's at fault on some ways, of course, but I think he's primarily at fault because he was dishonest with you when he said he could comply with your unrealistic expectations. His posting in that forum doesn't seem morally reprehensible at all; lying to you about it MIGHT have been. But it seems like he had reason to lie-- if he knew you would react to something relatively benign with two days of petulance, I'm not sure I'd even say he was wrong to lie.

I don't like porn either. I'm not puritanical about sex, but the porn industry treats women poorly and it squicks me out. But, I make my feelings on it clear at the beginning of a relationship (that I don't like it), and then I trust my partner to take that into account. I explain my reasoning (that I think porn contributes to women's continued inequality) and leave it to my partner to behave ethically. I'm aware that my partner probably still occasionally looks at porn, that he definitely checks out other women, but honestly, I check out other men, too. I know that when I do it, it's harmless. So when I feel insecure about him thinking about other women, I think about what it's like when I check out other men, and I acknowledge that in BOTH cases, it's harmless. I honestly put myself in his shoes, as charitably as possible, and realize he means no harm or infidelity by it. Then I try not to think about it anymore. It's just human reality that we've all got wandering eyeballs, but you have to put it in perspective. A partner is much more likely to stay with you if s/he knows that you will allow him or her to be a human being.

I don't mean this condescendingly, but if you're this paranoid and insecure, and so prone to violating the personal boundaries of others, it might be time speak with someone professionally. They might be able to help you with some of your lingering trust issues from your ex. You seem to have come by your issues honestly, but talking to someone might help you deal with the prior hurt and trust issues so that you can have a good relationship with your boyfriend.

[Sorry that this was so long, and sorry also that it came off pretty harsh. In the interest of disclosing the biased source from which this advice came: my ex-boyfriend pulled this kind of drama for the entirety of the two years I was with him. I became paranoid and hypervigilant in response, because I was constantly on guard against the next jealous, unprovoked explosion. The day I dumped him was the best day ever, because I am now free from his craziness.]

Click to expand...

Every word of this.

If you haven't noticed, there is a whole section on this forum devoted to pornography addiction. It's a much wider problem than you might think, and yes, it can effect peoples real life active sexual lives if they let it.

The thing is, porn has become so available to people that it can be a huge temptation. In other words, it's becoming normal in a lot of peoples' every day life.