Angry and Raging

[dark struggle]

Hello,
I struggle with anger and rage. I have struggled with this since kindergarten. I have come close numerouse times to being expelled for throwing desks, chairs, fighting you name it. If I wasn't thowing something then I borke stuff (always mine except once) rather it be a pencil or ruler or something special, pretty much what ever was in my way at that time.
I can not control it, I have no control over what it is Im doing. Its like this evil monster comes out, and when I finally subside enough to realize what Im doing or did, I feel so embarassed, and bad about it that sometimes I have to go jump in the shower so I can cry and no one will see me. I have cried my self to sleep more times than anyone can count. Then the cycle starts over again because I feel out raged for being so weak. I just need help. I don't understand this and that....well....makes me slightly angry.:o
This is one of my dark struggles.

 

[Everlasting33]

It seems that you have identified this "dark struggle" from within. You have made it who you are and its a big part of your identity.

The obvious question is what is causing you to lash out? Anger always has its origins and it always has a good reason.

 

[dark struggle]

I dont know where it comes from, me I guess???? I just don't know, and I don't know how to kill it I feel stuck....trapped.

 

[Everlasting33]

Since you said you were angry as far back as kindergarten...was there trouble at home?

Two things to keep in mind:

1. Anger is often disguised as fear
2. Anger in a small child reflects emotions in his or her environment

I know its tough for you. You may feel controlled and overwhelmed by all this anger. It's scary.

But, have faith that you also are capable of much peace. I like to examine the past for answers and use those answers to help in the present time.

 

[razzelflabben]

I'm very intrigues by steelerbreds posts, they seem solid to me...the only other thing I would add is that in our weakness, God is strong...your healing from this has to come from God, I think you should ask God to reveal these things to you, then deal with them as need be. For example if you identify fear, then you give that thing you fear over to God.

Hope that makes sense.

 

[I'ddie4him2]

I agree with steelerbred too.
Some very good questions there that can help you identify where this comes from.

I myself struggled with a very bad temper and even shorter fuse thru my formative years, teens and, up to adulthood.

I went to anger managment only to be told I didn't show the typical symptoms.
Mine was related to my bipolar disorder and not being treated for it soon enough.
My manic phases exhibited with alot of anger and lashing out.
My childhood was not the greatest, I always fought with my parents.

I have learned to control my anger during a manic phase and find alternative methods of occupying myself and doing something productive.

 

[Vale Tudo]

I dont know where it comes from, me I guess???? I just don't know, and I don't know how to kill it I feel stuck....trapped.

I would suggest making sure that you don't let these faults define who you are. As mentioned, it seems that you have made it part of your identity, and you have to remember that it isn't our faults that define us.

Have you looked into constructive ways to express you anger? I have found that staying active can greatly reduce stress levels and point some of that energy in the right direction.

 

[dark struggle]

Thanks for all of your help and support. You are all really kind. I used to work out everyday in highschool, havnt since but does seem like a wonderful idea to redirect some frustrations. I have been to anger management but was kicked out LOL so I have pretty much been on my own with this. Yep God is going to have to do this one because its too big for me to handle

 

[UnitynLove]

Click the link
http://joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/EverydayAnswers/Articles/art43.htm

 

[Johnnz]

Anger can arise from pain, injustice, rejection, abuse earlier in one's life. Can you recognise anything like that?

John
NZ