Anger instead of grief *poss trigger - SI, DID*

[Sam48]

After my mom died I'm hiding behind a mask of anger... anger to prevent to feel the real pain. I cut myself... hoping my mom wil come back *I know* and I'm devistated; she was my best friend... and mother.

I miss her so much I think sometimes I'm gonna loose it; it hurts soo much.

(I have DID/MPD & borderline) Several times a day I turned to her; talking and it helped me to loose most of my harming habbits. I'm not the only one who missed her I have a binch of alters who are confused too; who miss her or have come back after two years only to find out she has died.

Every alter was welcome to talk with her; everyone was precious... she totally understood my system of alters.

She knew that accepting parts and talk to them; make them feel loved; was importent.

Now I have to do all of this on my own and it's really hard.

Especially with this particular alter Dyor who has returned a few days finding out mom' s dead. It's unfair since everyone inside threw their anger on his shoulders so he cut... out of feeling powerless. So much pain.

I hugged dyor telling him cutting would not bring mom back and that he was still welcome, that he is not bad and that we're not angry at him. That helped a litte.

but I need mom to hold him, I need her to hold ME! all of me.

Extra notition and FACT: alters are no demons. They are different side of someone character who developed an own identity to protect the whole person. Alters need to be accepted. Not to be exorcismed, ignored, denied etc. For example you don't exorcism your happy moods or sad days, squirreling etc.

Sorry for not putting up a trigger warning.

 

[ladyt28]

Sam - I am SO SORRY that your mom has died. My mom was my best friend too - no one else understood or accepted me the way she did. I am also very sorry that you have MPD to deal with - but I am glad that you are so aware of your alters and can consciously interact with them. I praise God that you are here among us at CF - I pray it is a safe haven for you. God Bless you hon!!

 

[GamesFund]

My mom was the person I had loved the most in the world. I lost her to cancer. Anger is a part of grief. There are many reasons for anger in grief too depending on the situation. Anger, depression, bargaining, denial and acceptance are all part of the stages of grief. You can experience them in any order at any time. Let yourself grieve for you already are. I was mad at doctors, God, my mom for not getting treatment after she found out about it. Now she is gone. I just made an appointment to see a therapist to talk it out. I need to talk about her and my dad so bad. They both died in the past several years. My dad passed last year. I miss them so much, just like you.
Take good care of yourself.

 

[Sam48]

Thank you both for your gentle replies. I'm going to work through the pain and grief, to let her go.

 

[Sam48]

I've understood someone reported my post and I dunno why; I should review it but WHY? *cry*

 

[bubblefish]

I've understood someone reported my post and I dunno why; I should review it but WHY? *cry*

I am going to PM you about this Sam. Don't worry

 

[Sam48]

Understood.

 

[GamesFund]

Everything is going to get better for you. You can be yourself and grieve. I'm going to see a therapist but am scared. I'll pray about it and for you, too. We need to be good to ourselves, too. It can make you feel better too. Like going to a movie can help sometimes. There's a lot of forums here that you can interact with others, too. I go to Blessings Exchange and play games there. It can give me a break from the grief for awhile and there are so many there that have grieved, too. Maybe I will see you there.

Ruth

 

[Sam48]

I'm so sorry for you Ruth, If you ever need to talk or rant, I'm here.

 

[ladyt28]

Thank you both for your gentle replies. I'm going to work through the pain and grief, to let her go.

We never let our loved ones go hon, we just work on finding our way through God's grace and love. I rely on the Holy Spirit more than anyone as Jesus called Him the Comforter. I still get angry at times but we are humans, weak in the flesh so I don't believe we'll never be able to totally overcome that part. But let go? No hon, we don't have to do that. Especially when it comes to our mothers.

My mom taught me how to find my strength with dignity, she taught me about God and lived in a way that made me want a part of the peace she found through Him, and taught me so many others things that it is impossible to list them all. Despite the challenges you face, I can tell you are a lovely young lady who is doing her very best and knows that the Lord is our strength and salvation. These are things that your mother planted so again, she is always going to be with you in ways no one else can.