an uncomfortable scenario

[Christownsme]

My girlfriend and I have disobeyed the chaste commands for too long, and I finally got enough of it. I made a turn around within myself not to give in again. She was devastated. She honestly told me she doesn't agree with me. I'm pretty sure she's a Christian (you can't judge a book by its cover). I can't see her heart, but I can observe things she does and it seems she is one.

So we both went to the pastor to talk about this issue. He firmly supported being chaste, and she went home empty and confused. The next day before work she told me my decision to obey my morals and God made it "all about me" and I was hurt by this remark.

Later in the morning I told her "How can I make this not all about me? If I give this over to you and give up on my beliefs, it's all about you. How can we make it all about us?"

She said she is feeling manipulated because her whole life has been difficult: She divorced a guy who beat her up verbally, emotionally and physically. They didn't think they'd ever have a kid, and now that daughter has rejected her mom and is living with a guy off the internet. She can't seem to afford getting out of a dump of an apartment. Her life is filled with sadness and sorrow. I'd like to help, be there, but I won't give up my core-beliefs (or at least I hope I don't give in to any temptation to).
Well now, all this stress and overwhelming stuff is making me want to be single again, although my heart would break for years knowing she is out of my life.

She doesn't feel comfortable getting married because since I am disabled, she doesn't want to be the breadwinner and have all that pressure on her.

My mom told me God is teaching me courage thru this.

I'm anticipating a break up. Or at best, just be friends. I'm about worn thin. I'm preparing for a heartbreak. Any suggestions?

 

[CounselorForChrist]

She doesn't feel comfortable getting married because since I am disabled, she doesn't want to be the breadwinner and have all that pressure on her.

That was all I needed to hear. Time to move on from her.

You be shocked how many people get divorced once their spouse becomes very sick/disabled...etc. The fact shes already freaking out about it is not a good sign for your future. Being disabled myself I found my disabilities pretty much scared away most women because in short they seen it as I was a burden.

My wife who I just married at first said she was scared about how to take care of me. Notice she didn't say she didn't like the fact I was disabled. She was just scared because she loved me and wanted to take care of me right. As weeks went by when we dated I talked more about my disabilities and she felt more comfortable and realized I don't require any major amount of "being taken care of".

So obviously since we are married the story turned out well and she loves me and accepts I am disabled. She has no problem coming to america and working. If anything she wants to. To be fair shes from the Philippines so they are hard workers naturally. Point is you may need to move on to someone that doesn't act like being disabled is a bad thing to them. We don't have a choice in being disabled.

Aside from all that it sounds like shes got some major hurdles to overcome from her past and shes choosing to let them keep her depressed and down. Which will just add stress and weight to your relationship. Its terrible she was in such a bad relationship before, but shes not seeing how much better things are now apparently.

In terms of finding someone else whos accepting of disabilities. I can't say its easy. I met my wife when I was 31. It took me that many years in my life to meet someone this accepting. But thats just me. God has plans for our future. Who knows you may meet someone amazing a week from now. Just trust in God whatever you decide to do!

 

[K9_Trainer]

Freakazoid is right.

It's sad, but if she can't handle your disabilities and she isn't willing to take on the extra responsibility of caring for you, then she's not the girl for you. She was never serious about her relationship with you if she didn't even consider that...She was getting her physical and emotional needs met and that's all she actually cared about.

 

[LinkH]

She's apparently a temptation for you sexually. She says she doesn't want to marry you. Why stay with her?

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

She doesn't sound like marriage material. Good for you for standing your ground and trying to change your ways.