My hands might fall off while I'm typing this, so if you get a bunch of jumbled words like aoginaoidnaoidn, then just wait for me to reattach my hand. 
Ok, well about a month ago, 2 days before Valentine's Day, my girlfriend broke up with me. I'm 20, she's almost 21, we're both in college. She's in a physical therapy program and I am studying to be a history teacher. We weren't "engaged" in the sense of having a ring and having a wedding date, but we told each other that we wanted to be with each other forever. We had been together for 1.5 years.
A little background info: I come from a family which is Catholic. For most of my teen years, I'd say from 13 to 18, I was pretty into the Catholic faith. Then, in the summer of 2002, I went to Europe, and my mind was opened by a lot of things over there. That experience helped me open my mind about Christianity too. Needless to say, my mom is one of those moms who is very into the Catholic Church. She's not crazy or anything, but she wants me, as long as I live under her roof, to go to church with the family at a Catholic mass. I had no problem with this, although my interest was beginning to increase regarding non-demoniational churches. Then, I met this girl.
It was September 2002. Let's call her "Sandy," for protection's sake. My name is Cole. We met in September 2002. We both were pretty much alone in the world...most of my friends had moved away for college, and I had lost contact with those of my friends who had stayed. Some of her best friends left for college as well. She, at this time, had two best friends, one who lives near her, and another about an hour away, who had found "the one." They were giddy, excited, and all happy about it. Sandy was happy for her friends, but also, she was mad because she wasn't spending as much time with her friends as she used to. I mean, anyone who has been in any relationship knows that your friendships are bound to suffer a little. Not necessarily suffer...just have less time devoted to them. Know what I mean? Anyway, so Sandy and I become really good friends. For about 4 weeks we hang out with each other every weekend and most every weekday/night.
I'm beginning to fall for this girl...really love her. But I'm afraid as to what she really is feeling. So I figure I'll hold off for a while to kind of feel things out. Well out of nowhere on AIM one night, she tells me she feels that we are so alike and that we are soulmates. This is great! I feel the same way! We talk, and immediately we tell each other that we want to marry each other.
I know, I know, a lot of you are probably thinking there's your mistake right there, you're 18, she's 19, you're jumping into things too early. But hey...it's natural to feel that way when you connect with someone as well as we did.
Anyway, her parents are oddly all for this. They like me a lot and say good for you when we tell them that we feel this way about each other. My parents, of course, are shocked and they tell me they don't think it's a good idea to be married off at this point in my life. And also, Sandy is non-demoniational, and she doesn't really understand Catholicism all that well. Her mom is the same way. AND SANDY AND HER MOTHER WORK WITH MY MOM. That's how we met in the first place.
So the days, weeks, months go by...and we are blossoming in our relationship. I notice something, though. Every time we discuss when we want to get married, she gets upset when it isn't within the next 2 years. She gets almost depressed about it when I try to be realistic. When we first met, she wanted to be married by the fall of this year. I would be a junior and she would still have one year to go in school. So we pretty much just kind of went with the flow. Christmas came and went, the new year started, we were doing better than ever. So in April, she really wants to go look at rings. We go look at rings together, and I end up buying one for her. I tell my parents about it and they, understandably, flip out. Buying an engagement ring is a huge thing. So I return the ring, and I tell her about it, and we cry, and we decide that we should just take it a lot slower and wait a little longer, at least until one of us is out of school, to get married. We get promise rings for each other.
So the spring semester is over, the summer semester gets through, and we begin to enter fall of 2003. Well, she suddenly has the opportunity to enter the physical therapy program at school. So she takes it and she loves it. Anyone who has been or is in a medical program knows how intense it really is. As a result, we spend less time together than before, and she is more concentrated on school than anything else...which is great, it's what she needs to do. Still, however, she says she wants to be married by the time she graduates in the spring of 2005.
About October of 2003, she tells me that she's unhappy with our relationship. Doesn't really give many specifics, just that she doesn't feel as happy as before. Now, I'm pretty sure that the reason for this is that we don't spend as much time together, and when we do, school is always on her mind. So we talk, and we decide we are going to work on things...but we never mention God.
I think things are going great after our talk...but then she emails me one week before her final exams, in December. She says she is unhappy, and that she wants to save our relationship but in order to do that we need to seroiusly change some things. So, she makes a list of things she likes about me, and a list of things she thinks I need to change, and I do the same for her. We both make a pact to seriously make an effort to change things, in order to save our relationship. Again...God is hardly mentioned.
So the day after her last exam is a Thursday. I had worked my butt off on that list, and I was proud because I felt a lot better by changing some of those things in my life. So I say to her, on Thursday, after she is done with school, I said "I really have been working on that list, what do you think of things?" And her reply is "I really haven't taken time to notice." Now, if you made the list, wouldn't you be the one who would be the most involved in it?
So I confronted her the next day, emotionally, not angrily, and she said she needed to take some time to figure out what she really wanted. I asked her if she loved me, and she said I don't know. So, about an hour after we hang up from talking on the phone about this, she calls me back. And she says "I can't take a break from you." So we again make a pact to change things, although I am worried now about what is going on because I have done that 2 times already. But, again, she never mentions God.
Christmas break comes, New Year comes, and I have to say, it was the best break and New Year's of my life. We spent almost every day together and it was like we had just met again and fallen in love all over again. Then, school starts again, and it's harder this semester for her than last. In late January, one of friends (one of the best friends who found "the one") gets married. She makes the comment to me that she'd like to be engaged within the next 6 months. I say that is perfectly possible because well, it just was. About 2 weeks before Valentine's day, we start talking about engagements. And when I mention that we would probably be engaged for 2 years or more if we were to get engaged within the next 6 months, she gets kind of depressed again, and says I don't think that we'll have to wait that long, we should be able to get married in a year and a half or so.
Ok, now's when it gets really weird. February 6th, it's a Friday, just over a week until V-day. We were talking about people being engaged and I say "Well, I don't want you to have your hopes up and get them crushed, but you won't be getting the ring for Valentine's Day...but you will get it soon, like we talked about...I am working on it." Keep in mind that I am all for this because I love the girl with all my heart and soul. When I tell her that I am working on the ring, she gets excited, she is beaming with smiles, and she is so fun the rest of the night.
For the next 4 or 5 days, we don't see each other at all because she has some major tests going on and she needs all the studying she can get. Plus, I have studying too, and school on days she doesn't have school, so we didn't get much time to see each other in the first place. So Thursday, the 12th, she comes over to my house. We watch Friends, and right after we get done, she tells me that with everything going on with school that she thinks we should just be friends for now. She says she doesn't feel an intimate bond with me, that she doesn't love me. And that she needs to get closer to God. Of course this is shocking to me...because not one week earlier she was giddy as she could be about getting engaged!!! So she says she needs some time to think if she is making the right decision...some time where we have no contact, and where she can just "get back to God." So I agree, because I love her and I want the best for her. But I'm still confused.
So she emails me the Monday after Valentine's day and says how she went to a youth group and she had people pray for her and how she realizes that she has to love herself before she can love anyone else and that she needs to get back to loving God before anything else. Then she says I am still sorting things out right now, I don't know about "us" yet. In that same email, she then says that she thinks her teacher is an "obnoxious prick." I'm not trying to judge...but for someone who claims to be on fire with God, isn't "obnoxious prick" a little harsh.
Later on in the week we talk briefly about something her mom did which was absoultely stupid (not important to this right now) and she says "I can't believe she f---ing did that!" Again...cursing? I don't get it.
So we wait the weekend and then on the next monday she emails me and says she thinks she made the right decision. I call her and ask her how she could have just fallen out of love with me, and what caused that. She says "I can't answer that, I don't know. I just know that I don't love you."
So what is it???? That's what I'm having trouble figuring out. Here I am, a month after this has gone on...and I'm doing surprisingly well. I'm just still troubled by the fact that I couldn't get a straight answer as to why she didn't love me. Was it because she just wanted to be like her friends and get married? Or was it because of someone else? I don't really buy the whole God thing because she has used that before to get out of other situations and has not gotten closer to God at all. Is it because school has made her so frustrated and upset that she views everything negatively? This is what I'm trying to figure out...and I know that you guys and gals here can't give me the answer...but is there any verse in the Bible I can look at for inspiration here?
Thanks for reading this, I know it's mega-long. I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers. God Bless.
Ok, well about a month ago, 2 days before Valentine's Day, my girlfriend broke up with me. I'm 20, she's almost 21, we're both in college. She's in a physical therapy program and I am studying to be a history teacher. We weren't "engaged" in the sense of having a ring and having a wedding date, but we told each other that we wanted to be with each other forever. We had been together for 1.5 years.
A little background info: I come from a family which is Catholic. For most of my teen years, I'd say from 13 to 18, I was pretty into the Catholic faith. Then, in the summer of 2002, I went to Europe, and my mind was opened by a lot of things over there. That experience helped me open my mind about Christianity too. Needless to say, my mom is one of those moms who is very into the Catholic Church. She's not crazy or anything, but she wants me, as long as I live under her roof, to go to church with the family at a Catholic mass. I had no problem with this, although my interest was beginning to increase regarding non-demoniational churches. Then, I met this girl.
It was September 2002. Let's call her "Sandy," for protection's sake. My name is Cole. We met in September 2002. We both were pretty much alone in the world...most of my friends had moved away for college, and I had lost contact with those of my friends who had stayed. Some of her best friends left for college as well. She, at this time, had two best friends, one who lives near her, and another about an hour away, who had found "the one." They were giddy, excited, and all happy about it. Sandy was happy for her friends, but also, she was mad because she wasn't spending as much time with her friends as she used to. I mean, anyone who has been in any relationship knows that your friendships are bound to suffer a little. Not necessarily suffer...just have less time devoted to them. Know what I mean? Anyway, so Sandy and I become really good friends. For about 4 weeks we hang out with each other every weekend and most every weekday/night.
I'm beginning to fall for this girl...really love her. But I'm afraid as to what she really is feeling. So I figure I'll hold off for a while to kind of feel things out. Well out of nowhere on AIM one night, she tells me she feels that we are so alike and that we are soulmates. This is great! I feel the same way! We talk, and immediately we tell each other that we want to marry each other.
I know, I know, a lot of you are probably thinking there's your mistake right there, you're 18, she's 19, you're jumping into things too early. But hey...it's natural to feel that way when you connect with someone as well as we did.
Anyway, her parents are oddly all for this. They like me a lot and say good for you when we tell them that we feel this way about each other. My parents, of course, are shocked and they tell me they don't think it's a good idea to be married off at this point in my life. And also, Sandy is non-demoniational, and she doesn't really understand Catholicism all that well. Her mom is the same way. AND SANDY AND HER MOTHER WORK WITH MY MOM. That's how we met in the first place.
So the days, weeks, months go by...and we are blossoming in our relationship. I notice something, though. Every time we discuss when we want to get married, she gets upset when it isn't within the next 2 years. She gets almost depressed about it when I try to be realistic. When we first met, she wanted to be married by the fall of this year. I would be a junior and she would still have one year to go in school. So we pretty much just kind of went with the flow. Christmas came and went, the new year started, we were doing better than ever. So in April, she really wants to go look at rings. We go look at rings together, and I end up buying one for her. I tell my parents about it and they, understandably, flip out. Buying an engagement ring is a huge thing. So I return the ring, and I tell her about it, and we cry, and we decide that we should just take it a lot slower and wait a little longer, at least until one of us is out of school, to get married. We get promise rings for each other.
So the spring semester is over, the summer semester gets through, and we begin to enter fall of 2003. Well, she suddenly has the opportunity to enter the physical therapy program at school. So she takes it and she loves it. Anyone who has been or is in a medical program knows how intense it really is. As a result, we spend less time together than before, and she is more concentrated on school than anything else...which is great, it's what she needs to do. Still, however, she says she wants to be married by the time she graduates in the spring of 2005.
About October of 2003, she tells me that she's unhappy with our relationship. Doesn't really give many specifics, just that she doesn't feel as happy as before. Now, I'm pretty sure that the reason for this is that we don't spend as much time together, and when we do, school is always on her mind. So we talk, and we decide we are going to work on things...but we never mention God.
I think things are going great after our talk...but then she emails me one week before her final exams, in December. She says she is unhappy, and that she wants to save our relationship but in order to do that we need to seroiusly change some things. So, she makes a list of things she likes about me, and a list of things she thinks I need to change, and I do the same for her. We both make a pact to seriously make an effort to change things, in order to save our relationship. Again...God is hardly mentioned.
So the day after her last exam is a Thursday. I had worked my butt off on that list, and I was proud because I felt a lot better by changing some of those things in my life. So I say to her, on Thursday, after she is done with school, I said "I really have been working on that list, what do you think of things?" And her reply is "I really haven't taken time to notice." Now, if you made the list, wouldn't you be the one who would be the most involved in it?
So I confronted her the next day, emotionally, not angrily, and she said she needed to take some time to figure out what she really wanted. I asked her if she loved me, and she said I don't know. So, about an hour after we hang up from talking on the phone about this, she calls me back. And she says "I can't take a break from you." So we again make a pact to change things, although I am worried now about what is going on because I have done that 2 times already. But, again, she never mentions God.
Christmas break comes, New Year comes, and I have to say, it was the best break and New Year's of my life. We spent almost every day together and it was like we had just met again and fallen in love all over again. Then, school starts again, and it's harder this semester for her than last. In late January, one of friends (one of the best friends who found "the one") gets married. She makes the comment to me that she'd like to be engaged within the next 6 months. I say that is perfectly possible because well, it just was. About 2 weeks before Valentine's day, we start talking about engagements. And when I mention that we would probably be engaged for 2 years or more if we were to get engaged within the next 6 months, she gets kind of depressed again, and says I don't think that we'll have to wait that long, we should be able to get married in a year and a half or so.
Ok, now's when it gets really weird. February 6th, it's a Friday, just over a week until V-day. We were talking about people being engaged and I say "Well, I don't want you to have your hopes up and get them crushed, but you won't be getting the ring for Valentine's Day...but you will get it soon, like we talked about...I am working on it." Keep in mind that I am all for this because I love the girl with all my heart and soul. When I tell her that I am working on the ring, she gets excited, she is beaming with smiles, and she is so fun the rest of the night.
For the next 4 or 5 days, we don't see each other at all because she has some major tests going on and she needs all the studying she can get. Plus, I have studying too, and school on days she doesn't have school, so we didn't get much time to see each other in the first place. So Thursday, the 12th, she comes over to my house. We watch Friends, and right after we get done, she tells me that with everything going on with school that she thinks we should just be friends for now. She says she doesn't feel an intimate bond with me, that she doesn't love me. And that she needs to get closer to God. Of course this is shocking to me...because not one week earlier she was giddy as she could be about getting engaged!!! So she says she needs some time to think if she is making the right decision...some time where we have no contact, and where she can just "get back to God." So I agree, because I love her and I want the best for her. But I'm still confused.
So she emails me the Monday after Valentine's day and says how she went to a youth group and she had people pray for her and how she realizes that she has to love herself before she can love anyone else and that she needs to get back to loving God before anything else. Then she says I am still sorting things out right now, I don't know about "us" yet. In that same email, she then says that she thinks her teacher is an "obnoxious prick." I'm not trying to judge...but for someone who claims to be on fire with God, isn't "obnoxious prick" a little harsh.
Later on in the week we talk briefly about something her mom did which was absoultely stupid (not important to this right now) and she says "I can't believe she f---ing did that!" Again...cursing? I don't get it.
So we wait the weekend and then on the next monday she emails me and says she thinks she made the right decision. I call her and ask her how she could have just fallen out of love with me, and what caused that. She says "I can't answer that, I don't know. I just know that I don't love you."
So what is it???? That's what I'm having trouble figuring out. Here I am, a month after this has gone on...and I'm doing surprisingly well. I'm just still troubled by the fact that I couldn't get a straight answer as to why she didn't love me. Was it because she just wanted to be like her friends and get married? Or was it because of someone else? I don't really buy the whole God thing because she has used that before to get out of other situations and has not gotten closer to God at all. Is it because school has made her so frustrated and upset that she views everything negatively? This is what I'm trying to figure out...and I know that you guys and gals here can't give me the answer...but is there any verse in the Bible I can look at for inspiration here?
Thanks for reading this, I know it's mega-long. I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers. God Bless.
