am i wrong?

[wclement7]

hello all. my girlfriend and i regularly talk about marriage kids life togheter and all, and the other nite she said right now she does not want to have kids. well when i heard this i was so scared inside, i have always wanted kids, ever since i could even think of it. and well i dunno. do i pray? do i forget about it and let time show what is to happen? is it just a phase for girls to go throgh that sometimes? scared of birth? is that it? i just need someone to reassure me i guess. well thanks for your helps,
willis

 

[ChildOfGod20]

just wondering...how long have u two been dating and r u sure that this is the person God wants u to be with? i wouldn't discuss marriage or kids until I knew if God wanted me to be with this person. why get into that sort of stuff if ur not sure of that yet? i would definitely pray about it. and i do know a few women who have never wanted kids and still don't have any. although i think most women do want kids. but seriously, pray about it.

 

[melandshanetria]

At this point in her life, maybe she doesn't want kids. How old is she? There are plenty of people that don't want to have kids. You both are incompatible in that area. When the time comes for you to see if she is commitment material, and she doesn't change her mind about this, the best thing for you to do is pray and ask God to send you a lady that is on the same page as you. You can't take someone who doesn't want what you want and force them to have the same desires as yourself, that's being a little unfair. Forcing her to change her decision as well, will cause her to give into something she definitely didn't want in the first place and she may resent you later for that. The best thing to do is to find someone else when that times does come so you both will be on one accord. Right now you're only 17 years old and you have your whole life ahead of you, enjoy her company and try to shy the convo away from marriage right now because this may or may not be the right girl for you...But, however God works the situation out, it will be well done and you will be satisfied with the results. I wish the best of God's blessings to you.

 

[adnilgnav]

My boyfriend is 25 and he's got a daughter who is 19 months old. we have discuss about kids and he says he doesn't want any more kids. At the time i didn't want any too. Now though i see that it's unfair that he gets to be a dad and i don't get to be a mom. I worried sometimes a lot that i might never get that chance to be a mother to someone. Last night i finally told him about that feeling. He said to me, " we only get Lilly on the weekends for a day or two and just picture being with someone like that 24/7 for the rest of your life. I dont think you would want be a mom. " He laughs a little, "I on the other hand don't have that choice."

We have talked about this before too a while back, he said that it'll be too much work and i need to finish school and such. Which is true.

I suggest you fight those fears that you have.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

It's her right to not want to have children. As young as she is, if she doesn't want them she probably doesn't think about them. When I didn't want to get married I never thought about getting married or being married.
If anything, at her age, this sounds like she's got a good head on her shoulders.

 

[KristianJ]

I agree that her thinking at this stage is quite sound. Right now is just that, right now...in a few years, whether she is still with you or not, her thinking could change. There's a lot that your g/f may be thinking about that is more important to her than the prospect of bearing children - things that are more immediate in her life. If I was you, I'd accept that fact and concentrate more on developing your relationship now than planning for something that might not come to pass. And when/if the time does come when you are married or engaged, then will be a more appropriate time to talk about children

 

[alwayz_remember_Calvery]

For the longest time i was dead set on not having children. I always told my parents the only grandkids they'd get out of me were going to be dogs, cats, horses, etc. I didn't like the idea of having sex, i didn't like the idea of gaining a lot of weight, I'm a small person (5'2" about 115-120) so i really didn't like the idea of giving birth. I'm still unsure about those things, still scared to death of giving birth, but the older i get, the more i look forward to being a mom. You're only 17 and i'm guessing she's around your age (though my bf is 17 and i'm 19 so it is possible she's older) so you guys both have a long wait ahead of you. Give it time and when you're closer to the time when you might be able to get married talk to her about it again. But let her grow up a little (i don't mean that in a negative way, so please don't take it like that)

 

[Leanna]

she said right now she does not want to have kids.

Right now she doesn't want to have kids? That's good!! At her age I didn't want to have kids either. So its nothing to worry about.

 

[ahmunmun]

Yes, this is a phase that girls go through.

I'm still going through my phase. I don't want to have children. In fact, the idea of making them grosses me out. (Please nobody quote what I just said and comment because I don't want to talk about it.) I heard that it takes awhile for girls to get used to dating, then wanting to get married and become one with her husband. Your girlfriend's young; she's probably just isn't ready.

 

[trinitygrace]

Willis,

Just read your post. Yes, you definitely need to go to God on this one. As you should be doing with all things in your life. You are only 17. I'm not sure how old your girlfriend is, but in my opinion, yous two are both quite young to be worried about children, as you are still kids yourself. I would be putting my relationship with God first, and trust in Him that he will lead you in the path that most glorfies him. Go to him in all things, including this situation. she may or may not be the one you are meant to spend the rest of your life with. Only God knows and only time will tell. I will definitely be praying for you.

God Bless,
TrinityGrace

 

[RabidYeti]

I don't know if this helps in the slightest, but when me and my girlfrend decided to take the step from talking about dating to actually dating, we took a long session (whilst baby sitting, heh) to go through what we wanted from a relationship.

From my point of view, Christian dating is vastly different to non-christian dating, as in the long run, you're looking for someone to marry. The person you're dating should be the kind of person that you decide that you want to spend the rest of your life with if all things go well in the dating and times prior to dating stages. You may have a different opinion to me, but why else would you date someone? For emotional support? To me that seems incredibly cruel on the individual who wants something more out of the relationship.

So anyway, we took this time out to discuss (since we both believe what I mentioned above about relationships) what we would want in the long run. It was more bringing up random questions and answering them as a couple. And one that I brought up was about Kids. Now you have to keep in mind at this time we'd only been dating a month, but if I got the inclining at this early stage in the relationship that there would be huge disagreements about such important matters at a later stage, it seemed far more appropriate to get them in the open. If you feel the relationship isn't going to work, it's only fair on both parties to discuss this as soon as possible.

Also, 17 is very young (as mentioned above). Opinions change. Give her time and talk to her about the fact that you've always wanted children and ask her why she doesn't. It could bring you closer to understanding each other better.

 

[chocolateloverjen]

i go through a phase like it, lol,

but is she trying to say that she doesnt want them right now. to wait?