Am I wrong for hoping?

[Beau Johnson]

Was asked to put this into the "Christian Advice" section so more people could answer.

So I moved churches to one that I could better serve and met this girl (worship ministers daughter) and we got really close really quick. We both help lead worship and that's how i met her. We texted every day, and I've only known her for 3 weeks, and both had feelings for each other. I finally mustered up the courage to talk to her brother about her and her, in different settings. We ended up deciding that we are not ready for a relationship because we need to strengthen our relationship with God. So the question is am I in the wrong for hoping that we eventually date when we get more intimate with God?

 

[R. Hartono]

3 weeks is too short to know somebody. Just get along in time and let the Lord reveals both of your hearts.

 

[Beau Johnson]

I understand what you mean. Thanks for the reply!

 

[Sketcher]

Sounds like you still want a relationship only you ended up agreeing that it's not for you at this point in time. That tends to not end well.

 

[Chaplain David]

Hi Beau,

There is a slogan that is used in 12 step programs that is simple yet powerful. That slogan is "First things First." Using this slogan helps us prioritize what things we need to do and what needs to be done first, and so on down the line.

I think you see that strengthening your spiritual life, in particular your relationship with God, is the most important thing you can do. However that doesn't mean we cannot have relationships with anyone else.

While in prayer with God at the center, don't forget to ask that His will be revealed to you in regard to the relationship with your friend and that His will be done. Prayer is always answered and God will take care of you and also your relationships if you do the footwork.

 

[DreamerOfTheHeart]

Was asked to put this into the "Christian Advice" section so more people could answer.

So I moved churches to one that I could better serve and met this girl (worship ministers daughter) and we got really close really quick. We both help lead worship and that's how i met her. We texted every day, and I've only known her for 3 weeks, and both had feelings for each other. I finally mustered up the courage to talk to her brother about her and her, in different settings. We ended up deciding that we are not ready for a relationship because we need to strengthen our relationship with God. So the question is am I in the wrong for hoping that we eventually date when we get more intimate with God?

Of course not, and you should ignore the brother's advice. That can be unhealthy. God brings a man and woman together, man should not interfere with God's work.

 

[Beau Johnson]

Her brother just told me that she struggles with pursuit, which is why we decided that it was best to pursue God and find our identity in him before we ended up finding it in each other.

 

[dreadnought]

Was asked to put this into the "Christian Advice" section so more people could answer.

So I moved churches to one that I could better serve and met this girl (worship ministers daughter) and we got really close really quick. We both help lead worship and that's how i met her. We texted every day, and I've only known her for 3 weeks, and both had feelings for each other. I finally mustered up the courage to talk to her brother about her and her, in different settings. We ended up deciding that we are not ready for a relationship because we need to strengthen our relationship with God. So the question is am I in the wrong for hoping that we eventually date when we get more intimate with God?

Perhaps you need to have talk with her about this, if you haven't already.

 

[aiki]

Beau, it sounds like you've got things the right way 'round. Very wise. You are absolutely right: Growing in Christ and being firmly established in him before you pursue a relationship with this young lady is an excellent plan. But if you are doing so with half an eye - or heart - toward the minister's daughter, how fully centered on Christ can you really be?

I will tell you that if you aren't deeply anchored in Christ before you enter into a romantic relationship with a woman, the very powerful natural impulses of the flesh will be extremely difficult to control. Far better than self-control is Christ-control. Become a Christ-controlled man and you will be the very best sort of man - a man who will be a profound blessing to any woman he might marry.

 

[Greg J.]

Reorient your thinking to not be "how to get this girl," but rather, "wait for the Lord to confirm who He wants me to date." Lots and lots of romance exists because people want to escape some emptiness, discomfort, or isolation. But finding a relationship you can flee into is not a good way to find the right person.

Focus on asking God to provide in his own time, and to make you ready for that time. This will send you in the direction of being a good husband some day, and as a result, the Lord will provide you with a good wife. Having said all that, perhaps you have found the person God wants you to be with, but that doesn't mean the next step is to draw closer to her. People have spent voluminous amounts of time in prayer trying to make sure they are in God's will on this subject, because marriage is for the rest of your life. How happy will you be with <prospective wife> 20 years from now? Only God knows.

 

[Beau Johnson]

I appreciate the advice and I have prayed about it, but again its only been three weeks. I asked God to show me if I need to be in a relationship and at the moment I don't think I should be. I just don't know if I should try and suppress the feeling I have for her. I know that you don't have to be in a perfect state to be in a relationship, but we both felt that it would be smart to really get closer to God, before a relationship.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Me and my husband married within three months of meeting...our romance
began as a long distance one.
The whole relationship be built on honoring the Lord and us doing ambassadorship
together...more than a decade later we are still walking that out in our day to day living.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

So the question is am I in the wrong for hoping that we eventually date when we get more intimate with God?

Seems like normal thoughts to have when one is young and the hormones are bouncing off the walls. People meet different ways nothing wrong with this one.
Best wishes for you two,
if and when the time is right.
M-Bob

 

[Beau Johnson]

Update: After this, we continued not to talk for 2-3 weeks then she texted me and again we started to get closer again this went on up until May 8th when I went a talked to her parents about the idea of me and their daughter together. I got their approval on the situation, and they said to treat it more as getting to be closer friends rather than the worlds view of dating, and that the title doesn't mean anything. Well I felt good about how that talk went so I asked and we made it "official" the next day even though the only thing I thought changed was a title in my mind. Well, we were both excited about the entire situation but then two days in she came to me and said she didn't feel settled about the situation like she felt she was not called to be in a relationship at this time. Back Story: When I first met this girl I immediately started to pray about it and ask God to make the pieces fall together if it was something I was called to do, I asked if I was supposed to pursue this girl or not. Well, the pieces fell together and I felt like I was being led to pursue her for the hopes of a relationship that pushed each other toward the lord. I asked that if I wasn't supposed to do this to make me seem terrible to her parents when we talked and to make me extremely nervous about the entire situation. Well, that's not what happened I was nervous all the way until I knocked on their door, then I was overcome with peace. Back to the present: I talked to her parents both about the new situation we are in, and they said to just continue to do what I feel led to do and not change how I act around her. How do I do that? It's like I'm chasing something that's running the other direction. I understand that God often has to do that with me and that what I've gotten out of the situation so far. I still haven't gotten anything that makes me feel led to stop pursuing her, and until I do I will continue to pursue a relationship that will sharpen each other. Question: Am I wrong to continue to pursue, even though I still feel led to? If not is there anything I should change to not pressure her, that's not what I want to do either?

 

[Mountainmanbob]

If we push too hard we will push them away.

Unless they are not healthy then they might like that.

If we act like a little puppy dog that's how we will be treated.

Kick back for a while and see if she comes after you?

M-Bob

 

[saved24]

Yes, just continue to work together and be friends, but respect her wishes not to be pursued romantically. You don't want her to resent you if the relationship does not work. Both of you need to be in agreement, I knew a couple that got married, because he told her that "God told him she should marry him". For a long time it was difficult for her because she was not in love with him.