Am I The only one-spanking

Do you have "spanking rules" for your husband and yourself?

In my house, ONLY direct disobedience was a spankable offense. I told my husband that if he NEVER had told our child that dancing on the couch with a glass of milk was wrong (we are talking little guys), then he could NOT spank when it spilled. HOWEVER, if he had told them that the milk was to stay in the dining room and they then brought it into the living room, that deserved a spank.

Also spanking involved a "ritual" that I got from a Christian mothering class. The child had to get in "spanking position" ... bent over a couch or side of the bed. This was to get them to bow their will. The actual spanking was only 3 swats with a wooden spoon (and as my 4 year old son made the "mistake" of telling me once, it really didn't hurt...however, he decided that I didn't need to try again. LOL). Afterwards, they had to apologize for the disobedient act (not "sorry"...but rather "I'm sorry that I brought the milk in the living room)...the made them "own" their act of defiance....and lastly, they got a big hug and forgiveness from the spanker verifying that it was the act we didn't like but we always loved the child.

The other rule was you could never spank if you were angry and not in control. It was better to let the defiance go unpunished. In the end, I did most of the spanking because I was better at separating the crime from the child.

My kids did not need to be spanked too often...though I ended up sitting in a corner with my daughter for most of a day while she decided that she would go get in spanking position. She was a horribly stubborn little girl, but now she is a delightful teenager and the joy of my life (and no, she isn't a little robot but rather usually the most creative kid in the room and she just draws people to her.)

All other crimes had other consequences. This is what worked for us. Maybe it you and your husband need to just come up with some "rules" so that you don't have to worry about a spanking becoming a beating.