Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
OK, everyone who made some explicit reference to the frequency of virgins thus far in the thread prior to me adding my first postfishstix said:Who's everyone? I posted in this thread and didn't say that. In fact, I'll go so far as to say the opposite - virgins (male and female both) are not rare at all. There's lots of us out there.
But I wouldn't love her that way thenCordelia said:You say that now, but what if God should send you a wonderful, beautiful woman who's compatible with you in every way (except that) and who you love completely, but who admits to you she's only a born-again virgin? What then?
Hmm. Well, you're in for an interesting life.waterbear said:But I wouldn't love her that way thenI'm very much an extremist on this issue; I would divorce someone whom I found out was not a virgin when we originally started dating - and I don't believe in remarriage.
waterbear said:OK, everyone who made some explicit reference to the frequency of virgins thus far in the thread prior to me adding my first post
As a percent of the population, supposidly 50% of 18 yr olds are virgins, but I've noticed that % drops off sharply during college. I doubt, amongst all "young" 18+ singles, that the % virgin is over 10%, probably much lower.
I think that it makes perfect sense to apply the term virgin to males as well as females. Virgin, like many other words in the English language, can have a number of meanings. And it is perfectly acceptable to use it to mean "a person who has never had sex". Even if you want to restrict that to penetrative sex, it still takes two people for that so how would it make sense for only one of them to be saddled with the virgin to non-virgin status? Someone has to do the penetrating in order for the other to be penetrated.HermesTrismegistus said:First, a disclaimer: I have a pet peeve about applying the word "virgin" to males. The concept of virginity has, for most of its history, been a purely technical concept concerning whether or not a woman had been penetrated, not a philosophical concept about whether one had engaged in any erotic activity. It certainly doesn't make sense to apply it to men in that regard, and in general I think it would be clearer to speak of people having done sexual acts with others vs. not having done so, rather than as virgins vs. non-virgins.
I would never go out with someone who I didn't already have a close friendship with. The topic of what one's perception of appropriate sexual boundaries is does tend to come up after a while of close friendship, and if it hadn't it would probably come up in the discussion leading up to deciding whether or not to move past close friendship into a romantic relationship. That would be a perfect time to bring up the subject of virginity. And volunteering the information about oneself at that point would be a good way of asking about the other person without completely putting them on the spot. I actually know whether or not a whole lot of my friends (of both genders) are virgins because the subject has just naturally come up in conversation.That said, just a question for anyone who says they insist on a virgin: how do you know the people you date are virgins? Ladies, do you ask them as soon as they ask you out, then turn them down if they say "no"? Guys, do you ask them before you ask them out, then say "never mind" if they say "no"? I can just imagine how that would go, grilling some poor person who's already suffering the embarassment of asking you out, or being asked out, about their former sex life. Or do you ask them after you've been dating for a while, then dump them if they say "no"? That hardly seems charitable.
But it's so much eaiser to say virgin/non-virgin...HermesTrismegistus said:First, a disclaimer: I have a pet peeve about applying the word "virgin" to males. The concept of virginity has, for most of its history, been a purely technical concept concerning whether or not a woman had been penetrated, not a philosophical concept about whether one had engaged in any erotic activity. It certainly doesn't make sense to apply it to men in that regard, and in general I think it would be clearer to speak of people having done sexual acts with others vs. not having done so, rather than as virgins vs. non-virgins.
I get the answer one way or another before I ask them out. It doesn't need to be too intrusive; usually I bring up that I only date virgins (indirectly typically) and see how she responds to it rather than question her.That said, just a question for anyone who says they insist on a virgin: how do you know the people you date are virgins? Ladies, do you ask them as soon as they ask you out, then turn them down if they say "no"? Guys, do you ask them before you ask them out, then say "never mind" if they say "no"? I can just imagine how that would go, grilling some poor person who's already suffering the embarassment of asking you out, or being asked out, about their former sex life. Or do you ask them after you've been dating for a while, then dump them if they say "no"? That hardly seems charitable.
HermesTrismegistus said:That said, just a question for anyone who says they insist on a virgin: how do you know the people you date are virgins? Ladies, do you ask them as soon as they ask you out, then turn them down if they say "no"? Guys, do you ask them before you ask them out, then say "never mind" if they say "no"? I can just imagine how that would go, grilling some poor person who's already suffering the embarassment of asking you out, or being asked out, about their former sex life. Or do you ask them after you've been dating for a while, then dump them if they say "no"? That hardly seems charitable.
Nope. My approach to virginity began when I decided that a virgin spouse would be at least as good as a non-virgin spouse for intimacy reasons, and virginity is one of the handful of immutable qualities a person has (a non-virgin cannot become a virgin). Since then I've come to decide that, for me, the reasons why adultry are wrong apply equally for consensual sex with anyone else other than the future spouse. These conclusions were all reached when I was an atheist.HermesTrismegistus said:Well, I can't believe there are so many Christians who would reject from consideration anyone who hasn't been a Christian all their life. That's what you're saying, isn't it?
HermesTrismegistus said:Well, I can't believe there are so many Christians who would reject from consideration anyone who hasn't been a Christian all their life. That's what you're saying, isn't it? If they didn't grow up in a Christian household, accepted the world's standards of sexual morality, had sex with a boyfriend or girlfriend a few times as teenagers, but then became Christians and now have a very powerful testimony and strong witness and have been doing all sorts of wonderful acts of Christian service for years, they're not qualified to date you?
Frankly, I'd rather marry a girl like that than one who's a virgin simply because she's been kept under lock and key by her father her whole life.
InigoMontoya said:Well I don't, right now atleast, to read through all of the posts after the first page.
I'll just say this:
Seems trivial. Are any of us virgins in God's eye? Have you never embaced a thought of lust for more than a moment before rejecting it? If embracing the thought of lust towards another, is adultery in Gods eyes... Can one who's committed adultery really be a virgin?
We might justify it by saying we're not adulters because we're under Grace and Forgiveness from God. We might say there's a "difference" to us (not God though) between embracing sin in thought and carrying it out.
Oh well, would go further, and possible refute my own thoughts but ... alas, lack of time.
I know, but given that people raised as Christians are much more likely to abstain from premarital sex than those who were not, I think an I-only-date-virgins policy can be viewed as a de facto I-only-date-people-from-Christian-families policy.fishstix said:First, you're assuming that only someone who has been a Christian from childhood would keep their virginity. That's incorrect. Many people keep their virginity till marriage even if they only become Christians later in life. And many non-Christians keep their virginity until marriage even if they didn't ever become Christians.
Not necessarily. My entire family is not all Christian (siblings aren't, and some people are questionable). I also know enough people who were so busy with academics growing up that they had no time to date, whether they were Christians or not.HermesTrismegistus said:I know, but given that people raised as Christians are much more likely to abstain from premarital sex than those who were not, I think an I-only-date-virgins policy can be viewed as a de facto I-only-date-people-from-Christian-families policy.
I think God knows what we can and can't emotionally handle, and how important virginity would be to us in this aspect, and what it would take for us to be able to relate to someone romantically... for some, virginity is a legitimate thing to ask God for and expect Him to provide.And to those who are so sure that God is going to "bless" them with a virgin, as though someone who screwed up once 15 years ago can't be a blessnig as a spouse, He may surprise you. His ways are higher than our ways.
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?