am i crazy or normal?

[HiddenMe]

I have this girl inside of me that loves everything and everyone. She wants to have a big family of her own one day and be married.....but then other times, there's another girl inside me that hates everything and everyone and wishes to die.

Help me I know that the loving girl is me deep deep deep down. The hatred girl is what this world has made me and Idk how to get rid of her

 

[quietpraiyze]

God loves you. He knows everything about you and He still loves you - all of you. I knew God loved me but it was a struggle to love myself because I didn't see that reflected back to me through the people around me including family. After a major bipolar episode where I lost everything, I had a Counselor tell me that I needed to tell myself everyday that I loved myself. I guess he saw the look on my face so he told me if I couldn't say it to write it down and tape it to my bathroom mirror. I did just that. I don't know when I internalized it but I did. All those thoughts of me being crazy, ugly, and nothing were gone. Psalm 139 sealed the deal. I am comforted in knowing that God knows all about me and He still loves me. Maybe this Psalm will comfort you as well. Be encouraged.

Psa 139:1 To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David. O LORD, thou hast searched me, and known me.
Psa 139:2 Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.
Psa 139:3 Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.
Psa 139:4 For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.
Psa 139:5 Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.
Psa 139:6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.
Psa 139:7 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
Psa 139:8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
Psa 139:9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
Psa 139:10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
Psa 139:11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.
Psa 139:12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.
Psa 139:13 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.
Psa 139:14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
Psa 139:15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Psa 139:16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
Psa 139:17 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
Psa 139:18 If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.
Psa 139:19 Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
Psa 139:20 For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.
Psa 139:21 Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?
Psa 139:22 I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.
Psa 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
Psa 139:24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

 

[CraftyTurtle]

We've all gone through that at one point or another. Sometimes I want to shout "I HATE MY LIFE!!!" but that sounds like I'm planning something drastic.

What is it that makes you angry? Is it other people? Can you eliminate them from your life? or at least minimise contact. Is it a feeling of failure? I grew up just assuming I'd get married, have kids, etc, etc, but I realised it wasn't for me. I'm a loner and I prefer it that way. Stressful that other people have expectations of me, which I don't live up to. Then I realised it was *my* expectations of me that weren't coming up to scratch. My expectations were too high. My assumptions were wrong. I am not that person. Oh, sure I'd love to have a perfect husband, a couple of perfect kids, perfect life, etc. Don't we all. My imagination/storytelling/writing is the outlet for "perfect" me, and I keep reality for the person who I actually am. I can play in my head any time I like, cos my imaginary world is portable. THAT is what keeps me sane. If I have a fight with someone, or a disappointment, I often resolve it in my head - all the characters play their part, kind of a WWJD thing - if I was this character, what would I have done differently? I dwell, I brood, I wallow, I take a long time to get over things, but ultimately I get better at handling those bad times, and bringing myself out of my despair.

When you are angry you in reality, can you be perfect you ...or someone else(TV/movie/book character)... in your head? Under what circumstances is it okay for that person to feel angry? or hurt? or lost? or tired? Run through that scenario. Be the hero of your own story. It's your head. Noone can take it away from you. Once you learn to solve the problem in your ideal world, bring it out to the real world, and you'll know how to handle certain feelings/people/ideas/situations.

It's only been in the past year that I have able to handle some of my real life demons.... A guy who I find arrogant and rude to the point of bullying - I plucked up the courage to ask his wife about it, and she now has a "little chat" with him before any of us come over. His behaviour is somewhat better, but more importantly, *I* know that others know how I feel, and that *I* am not the bad guy. It's not my weakness for being bullied, it's his for being the bully. I can react to him, by raising one eyebrow, and looking away at someone else who *knows*. Cameraderie. Nice.

Maybe I'm kooky. People have said much worse.

 

[Loven God]

I know how you feel and have you talked to someone about this . I will keep you in my prayers .

 

[FutureAndAHope]

The answer to your problems may seem odd but it works. The bible says that the fruits of the Spirit are love, joy and peace. We all want to express love to others, to have joy in our lives, and have peace.

The divided heart can be beat by spending time in God's presence. This just involves spending more time in prayer. And allowing God to fill you with his attributes. You might not FEEL anything initially, but you will eventually start to become like God, filled with love. HE won't take over you, you will still need to make choices, but he will give you love, and peace.

As for wanting to be married. Through prayer God actually audibly spoke to me and told me a person who I could marry, and it turned out great, I married the girl, we have a wonderful marriage.