am i beyond help?

[knw1991]

i feel so hopeless, i have tried reading battle field of the mind by joyce meyer, i have received so much advice from people on cf but no matter what i go back to thinking the same way. i hate myself inwardly and outwardly. I dont think God likes me. I feel like i havent been a blessing to my whole family and that they just see me as a stuck up, hard to get along with person. I have become so pessimistic with everything in life. I keep pushing all good away because if i accept bad and live in depression, i will somehow be comfortable and i wont have to fight anymore. every time i take a step toward trusting God the smallest thought can change my whole mindset and my mind goes into a downward spiral. this has been going on for over a year. today has been one of the most severe depressions i have had in a long time but in the past it was more intense because i felt suicidal. i dont know what to do. i keep thinking that just as i felt hopeless over a year ago and good things happened after that, that maybe my future will bring good, but then again look at my mental condition im beyond defeated, i dont even feel like moving.
i feel like the life has been sucked out of me. i know the devil has caused this but i wonder if im just putting the blame on him and the problem may just be me. Does God like me? does he have good planned in my future? how do i hold on and make it through school? how do i trust that God will help me?

 

[Spunkn]

Does God like you? My answer would be that not only does He like you, but He loves you as well.

Everyone I believe encounters some form of hopelessness during their lifetime. I've thought much the same way you have. I hate how I think, how I feel, and how I look. A lot of that has to do with being depressed. When you're depressed you will critique yourself in a horrible way that you have no choice but to fail your own test of "Am I acceptable?".

The truth is you are acceptable. You are acceptable because if you trusted in Jesus Christ as your personal savior then you are righteous before God.

Romans 8: 38-39 "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing shall seperate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Family can be hard to relate to if they don't really have any idea of what depression is like. Often times they just say things like "Go get a job. Make a life for yourself. Choose to be happy." Things like that often only make the depressed person feel worse.

Often times depression almost becomes a defense. If I'm depressed then I won't have to care about how I look or how I feel, because it's already as bad as it's going to get. I won't have to try anymore.

Even getting out of bed becomes hard. But there is hope. In coming to this board you are taking a step. It may be a small step. But it's a step. That's a start. One of the things that has helped me in my depression is find someone who is willing to listen and or talk about things with you. Even getting your story out over the internet can be relieving. You find out there's people like you, who are going through similar trials and have dealt with similar situations.

If you need someone to talk to about things feel free to send me a PM. If not, that's okay too.

There is hope. God will not abandon you though it can feel that way many times. Take one day at a time. Don't think "how am I going to make it through school?". Think about one action at a time. Decide to get out of bed in the morning. Decide to do something that makes you a little happy. Decide to try something you haven't tried before, such as opening up to people on this forum.

It's rough. And hard. Every day can feel like a nightmare. God may not come down and make your pain go away, but sometimes you'll be surprised at what He does for you. He often sends people into our lives to help. Even strangers.

You are special because God created you.

My advice is don't fight it alone. The worst thing to do when depressed is to be alone and let those feelings magnify x 1000. I've done it for so long and it just gets worse. You will not win this battle alone. You need other Christians to stand by you and you also need Gods help.

 

[knw1991]

thank you so much for commenting. you are right that we cant face depression alone. i have someone i talk to often about my feelings and they listen and help but my pain has gotten out of control lately to the point where im pushing this person away as a reason to have something else to be depressed about. i can really relate to using depression as a defense.thank you for all of your encouragement. I will keep you in my prayers and also feel free to PM me also. God bless you

 

[plumsink]

I know it is easier to say than to do, but just for today, do not think or feel anything that hurts you. Just for today.

I would never ever want to inflict on another person the pain I feel, and yet I do it to myself, and am I not a person? I know it is hard to follow sometimes, just for today, not to think or feel anything that hurts you. It's hard for me. I feel like my heart is a hemorrhagic wound. But these are only thoughts and feelings.

You would spare others having this kind of pain, right? I would. Spare you.

 

[Spunkn]

Try and keep talking to that person even if you don't feel like it. It sucks. And it's often painful, but it's important to at least think through or verbalize what you are feeling. If nothing else, another person can give you insight that you may or may not have seen. When faced with depression, our minds are often clouded. You say to yourself "I really am a horrible person." Yet, when asking someone else if you are a horrible person they say "No, of course not." We do not treat ourselves as well as we treat others when we are depressed.

Sometimes a person may need medication. Some of depression can be an actual chemical imbalance in the brain which medication is needed to help cope with. Some of depression can be circumstantial such as things you experienced in childhood that you had no control over. Those things are not your fault. Some depression can be from bad choices that we make. Everyone makes mistakes, we are human. No matter what kind of mistake you make, nothing can seperate you from the love of God if you have accepted Christ as your personal savior.

He is not looking down with disgust because you are struggling. He is not thinking "Why does this person keep failing?" God knows your struggles.

Whenever you think about it, or feel up to it. Pray about it. You may not feel sincere in praying. You may feel like you are being fake. Be honest. Say "God, I'm not really feeling like you care about me right now. I don't feel your prescence. Sometimes I feel like you forgot about me."

That's okay. Even doing that once a day, I think you will be surprised at how much that helps. Giving him your struggles is sometimes just saying "I can't handle this today God, I need some help".

Allow yourself to forgive yourself. You would do the same for others. Allow yourself to make a few mistakes. It's okay. God is not going to hate you when you stumble. Neither are your true friends or fellow believers. Sometimes the only way we learn is through our mistakes.

Don't give up. Tommorow is a new day.

 

[Jeshu]

i feel so hopeless, i have tried reading battle field of the mind by joyce meyer, i have received so much advice from people on cf but no matter what i go back to thinking the same way. i hate myself inwardly and outwardly. I dont think God likes me. I feel like i havent been a blessing to my whole family and that they just see me as a stuck up, hard to get along with person. I have become so pessimistic with everything in life. I keep pushing all good away because if i accept bad and live in depression, i will somehow be comfortable and i wont have to fight anymore. every time i take a step toward trusting God the smallest thought can change my whole mindset and my mind goes into a downward spiral. this has been going on for over a year. today has been one of the most severe depressions i have had in a long time but in the past it was more intense because i felt suicidal. i dont know what to do. i keep thinking that just as i felt hopeless over a year ago and good things happened after that, that maybe my future will bring good, but then again look at my mental condition im beyond defeated, i dont even feel like moving.
i feel like the life has been sucked out of me. i know the devil has caused this but i wonder if im just putting the blame on him and the problem may just be me. Does God like me? does he have good planned in my future? how do i hold on and make it through school? how do i trust that God will help me?

One thing that might help you is the realisation that depression lies to your mind, especially about God. This means that you can't trust what you are feeling and hearing about God when you are depressed. The Bible is the only book you can trust then.

In the Bible it says that God so loved this world that He send His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.

In Christ God is full of love for you and longs to comfort you and give you the help you need, all you have to do is believe that! It is The Truth! God cannot lie!

Your depression will always tell you that God is unreachable and that He doesn't care about you or help you - but like I tried to tell you before - depression lies!

So fight for The Truth to live in you so that you have a real armour against the lies of your depression.

Rom 8:31-39
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

[knw1991]

Try and keep talking to that person even if you don't feel like it. It sucks. And it's often painful, but it's important to at least think through or verbalize what you are feeling. If nothing else, another person can give you insight that you may or may not have seen. When faced with depression, our minds are often clouded. You say to yourself "I really am a horrible person." Yet, when asking someone else if you are a horrible person they say "No, of course not." We do not treat ourselves as well as we treat others when we are depressed.

Sometimes a person may need medication. Some of depression can be an actual chemical imbalance in the brain which medication is needed to help cope with. Some of depression can be circumstantial such as things you experienced in childhood that you had no control over. Those things are not your fault. Some depression can be from bad choices that we make. Everyone makes mistakes, we are human. No matter what kind of mistake you make, nothing can seperate you from the love of God if you have accepted Christ as your personal savior.

He is not looking down with disgust because you are struggling. He is not thinking "Why does this person keep failing?" God knows your struggles.

Whenever you think about it, or feel up to it. Pray about it. You may not feel sincere in praying. You may feel like you are being fake. Be honest. Say "God, I'm not really feeling like you care about me right now. I don't feel your prescence. Sometimes I feel like you forgot about me."

That's okay. Even doing that once a day, I think you will be surprised at how much that helps. Giving him your struggles is sometimes just saying "I can't handle this today God, I need some help".

Allow yourself to forgive yourself. You would do the same for others. Allow yourself to make a few mistakes. It's okay. God is not going to hate you when you stumble. Neither are your true friends or fellow believers. Sometimes the only way we learn is through our mistakes.

Don't give up. Tommorow is a new day.

i feel horrible, i keep pushing this person away and its hurting them, but i hate myself so much that if i lose them i would be hurt but i'll have an excuse to live in depression. i keep hurting them, i hate myself so much. i dont deserve them, i dont know what to do.

 

[Spunkn]

If you need someone to talk to, and don't feel comfortable talking face to face with someone. Talk to us here. Or I will PM you my email address if that's something you'd be willing to do.

Sometimes we get so down on ourselves that we can't think of a reason why someone would want to listen to our problems. That we're a horrible person, and by subjecting someone to listening to that is a horrible thing to do. But the truth is there are other people out there, fellow Christians, who will listen to you. And it's not hurtful for them to listen to how you feel. They want to help. To get you through this.

Right now you don't see any way out. And I accept that. I've been there. Someone else has to believe for you. Someone else has to be the hope that you don't have. Give that hope to someone else. Allow yourself to open up to someone.

We've all done some horrible things and yet Christ forgave us all when we came to know Him.

I have hope that you will get through this. I have hope that you are worth fighting for. I have hope that God will allow you to find a way through this. I have hope that you are not completely lost. I have hope that things will get better.

You may not, but I do for you.

I accept you for who you are even if you don't accept yourself.

 

[knw1991]

If you need someone to talk to, and don't feel comfortable talking face to face with someone. Talk to us here. Or I will PM you my email address if that's something you'd be willing to do.

Sometimes we get so down on ourselves that we can't think of a reason why someone would want to listen to our problems. That we're a horrible person, and by subjecting someone to listening to that is a horrible thing to do. But the truth is there are other people out there, fellow Christians, who will listen to you. And it's not hurtful for them to listen to how you feel. They want to help. To get you through this.

Right now you don't see any way out. And I accept that. I've been there. Someone else has to believe for you. Someone else has to be the hope that you don't have. Give that hope to someone else. Allow yourself to open up to someone.

We've all done some horrible things and yet Christ forgave us all when we came to know Him.

I have hope that you will get through this. I have hope that you are worth fighting for. I have hope that God will allow you to find a way through this. I have hope that you are not completely lost. I have hope that things will get better.

You may not, but I do for you.

I accept you for who you are even if you don't accept yourself.

thank you so much for your encouragement. im trying to hold on to hope but its very hard

 

[Spunkn]

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

 

[Maximillia]

God is perfect and he created you, therefore by rejecting yourself you are rejecting his work.
Who do you think is pleased with the results???? Surprise the Father of all lies!!!! He wins both times, first you reject God's work, then you reject yourself. Next you'll turn on God, which is what the dark side wanted all along.

Don't let him get away with that you hear?
First, you are beautiful, God says so.
Second, perhaps you are NOT doing what you ought to be doing and feel depressed about it. For example, we are wired to be doing things for the world, this action feeds our soul, each one of us has a gift that we must use in order to play our part. If, for whatever reason you are not doing your part you are then going against your own nature which is God's intention.
Do not sit still brooding for too long, this opens the door for the dark side to enter.
Love yourself the way God loves you, you need to repent for your sins and forgive yourself. You will breathe new air and start anew.
Quit hurting yourself so much.

 

[Spunkn]

thank you so much for your encouragement. im trying to hold on to hope but its very hard

It is very hard. And I wish that I was nearby to people who are struggling with depression so that I could give them hugs (and I'm not even a very huggy type person so yeah ). Encourage them face to face and let the know that they are not alone. I've been there. I know it's a horrible dark place.

But only God can truly give you the kind of healing you really need. But we are here to support you none the less. No matter how bad it gets. No matter how many times you fail. We will still listen and pray for you.

 

[eagledreams]

I have no advice because I feel the same way you do, I just want you to know you are not alone.

 

[RuhanSnyders]

people's responses have been spoooot on! Know that each response is truly written with intent to help you! that means people care for your well-being, it may not be in physical form, but it's very very real.

In a post I wrote up yesterday I said, "Among all help, two things struck me recently. They are so simple, yet to me and probably only me (because of the way they happened) they are so incredibly powerful. The first, one day I was about to partake in the use of drugs (they became a way out for me) when a car drove past with the number plate (RESIST). To my friends with me, it meant nothing, to anyone else walking around, it meant nothing. I've always had trouble 'hearing God's voice' and gave up waiting for it. I still haven't heard it, but then it occurred to me, how am I listening? maybe instead of using my ears, or thoughts. It was time to open my eyes, to open my heart. I had to, I don't know why but I just had to pray, and had to read the bible. For some reason, I've never had such a passion to learn more about everything that's been going on until that happened. The second, not so obvious and maybe taken a little out of context - talking to my father, and him telling me mid sentence "you talk too much". Usually you'd get angry right? I felt it hit me harder in my understanding, than actually feeling offended. I felt like, maybe that's what God is telling me - "Ruhan, you think too much, your thoughts are speaking too often". And then the only word that ever comes in to mind after that is 'Still'."

I think what many of us do sooooo so sososososo easily, is think TOO much. Because we're depressed, those thoughts don't actually, but feel like, they have complete control over you. I and everyone else here know of that little voice in our heads that reminds us all too well of ourselves, telling us what we are, who we are. Don't listen to it - although just saying that is pretty much useless, so i'll try dig deeper

Your words consist of too many if's, too many does He?'s and will He?'s. I was the same, what God taught me, was to be still. To be quiet, patient. Don't try to understand your pain, accept it. It's there, it's real, if not to anyone else, Know in your mind right now that it is real to you, to God, to everyone suffering from depression - and it's going to make you SO MUCH STRONGER (if you let it). God doesn't care if you're loved by all in the world, if you're place among society is well-off and will lead to a prosperous future, because all of those worries and struggles, are of the world. They will perish, they are but material and worthless in the eyes of God (don't completely throw it away though ).

You are never beyond help, you are actually closer to it than most others. I don't know about you, but I'd gladly go through all this again knowing in the end my heart will only grow in the Lord, whereas when I tried looking to the world (to first deal with depression I went to drugs, drinking, etc), I found no hope, no love, no purpose. Some people go their whole lives without hearing about Christ, and all that's been done for us. Remember your place in the world, I think that's what God wants you to see. We are small, insignificant human beings. Obama may be president, famous and known by all - but on that day of judgement, will he be able to stand before God and say "I have given You my all, although You tested me and trialed me, although you put me through suffering and countless hours of pain, I have given you my all. I knew you would never abandon me, and trusting wholeheartedly in Your Love and Salvation, I stand before you your servant". How blessed you will be! Don't try rush things, don't over-think. Bring it down to it's very simplest form and start there. "Matt 18:1-5 - At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me." God loves you Don't expect worldly human love from Him, that's something we've given our own meaning to. We cannot fully comprehend God's love, it's harsh, but it is never without reason, never without purpose.

You are in my prayers! may your days of comfort be nearer and nearer!

 

[knw1991]

people's responses have been spoooot on! Know that each response is truly written with intent to help you! that means people care for your well-being, it may not be in physical form, but it's very very real.

In a post I wrote up yesterday I said, "Among all help, two things struck me recently. They are so simple, yet to me and probably only me (because of the way they happened) they are so incredibly powerful. The first, one day I was about to partake in the use of drugs (they became a way out for me) when a car drove past with the number plate (RESIST). To my friends with me, it meant nothing, to anyone else walking around, it meant nothing. I've always had trouble 'hearing God's voice' and gave up waiting for it. I still haven't heard it, but then it occurred to me, how am I listening? maybe instead of using my ears, or thoughts. It was time to open my eyes, to open my heart. I had to, I don't know why but I just had to pray, and had to read the bible. For some reason, I've never had such a passion to learn more about everything that's been going on until that happened. The second, not so obvious and maybe taken a little out of context - talking to my father, and him telling me mid sentence "you talk too much". Usually you'd get angry right? I felt it hit me harder in my understanding, than actually feeling offended. I felt like, maybe that's what God is telling me - "Ruhan, you think too much, your thoughts are speaking too often". And then the only word that ever comes in to mind after that is 'Still'."

I think what many of us do sooooo so sososososo easily, is think TOO much. Because we're depressed, those thoughts don't actually, but feel like, they have complete control over you. I and everyone else here know of that little voice in our heads that reminds us all too well of ourselves, telling us what we are, who we are. Don't listen to it - although just saying that is pretty much useless, so i'll try dig deeper

Your words consist of too many if's, too many does He?'s and will He?'s. I was the same, what God taught me, was to be still. To be quiet, patient. Don't try to understand your pain, accept it. It's there, it's real, if not to anyone else, Know in your mind right now that it is real to you, to God, to everyone suffering from depression - and it's going to make you SO MUCH STRONGER (if you let it). God doesn't care if you're loved by all in the world, if you're place among society is well-off and will lead to a prosperous future, because all of those worries and struggles, are of the world. They will perish, they are but material and worthless in the eyes of God (don't completely throw it away though ).

You are never beyond help, you are actually closer to it than most others. I don't know about you, but I'd gladly go through all this again knowing in the end my heart will only grow in the Lord, whereas when I tried looking to the world (to first deal with depression I went to drugs, drinking, etc), I found no hope, no love, no purpose. Some people go their whole lives without hearing about Christ, and all that's been done for us. Remember your place in the world, I think that's what God wants you to see. We are small, insignificant human beings. Obama may be president, famous and known by all - but on that day of judgement, will he be able to stand before God and say "I have given You my all, although You tested me and trialed me, although you put me through suffering and countless hours of pain, I have given you my all. I knew you would never abandon me, and trusting wholeheartedly in Your Love and Salvation, I stand before you your servant". How blessed you will be! Don't try rush things, don't over-think. Bring it down to it's very simplest form and start there. "Matt 18:1-5 - At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me." God loves you Don't expect worldly human love from Him, that's something we've given our own meaning to. We cannot fully comprehend God's love, it's harsh, but it is never without reason, never without purpose.

You are in my prayers! may your days of comfort be nearer and nearer!

thanks, so i guess i should start accepting my pain instead of wondering why its there, and stop thinking but instead start observing? i just want to make sure i go about this the right way.

 

[RuhanSnyders]

Well, instead of wondering why it's there, focus on why you are wondering. It's best to rather learn from it in hope of positive growth. The problem is when we try to learn we begin to create question upon question upon question, and they just keep on coming - and the answers we expect to hear are those that we feel will help us.

What throws a lot of Christians off course is the fact that the answers we receive are often the complete opposite of what we want to hear, and we then feel cheated and lost. God does know the bigger picture, but his bigger picture is unique to you, different from mine. He teaches you in a way unique to you, and however that may develop you, it will be for what God knows is best for your future. You come here because you seek to know more, he is calling you to know more about him, and have a deep sense of his care.

How I cope with difficulty is by instead of questioning my suffering for the sake of reason, I try to focus on what I've learnt, how it's changed me, and what I can use from that to help others. When you say you want to go about it the right way, the only way is prayer. For me personally, prayer has led to where I am now, and it's in that devotion and communication to God where you will find hope. Just be careful in how you ask and what you ask for (the intentions). God will work in his timing, not ours. For his will, not ours. But in that timing, and in that will he has such a Love for you, unlike human love it's love we cannot comprehend - it may be confusing and painful. But the ultimate joy will be found when God hears your thoughts and your heart in your complete honesty, when your relationship with him is one of true friendship and commitment, out of your sincere willfulness to be with him.

We may suffer in this world, but our greater reward awaits us by his grace - our salvation. Even Jesus, his son, suffered immense pain and torment, yet he continued to look to God above all else - The greatest and most inspiring act! Search for his love in prayer and the bible! That search will build your relationship with God, and through that he will lift you up and carry you.

 

[knw1991]

thank you i will do that, thats great advice

 

[RuhanSnyders]

to add - someone was just encouraging me and one thing they brought up was Paul. Paul was even called by God in ministry, sent into travel yet ended up in prison. Imagine being Paul in that moment - 'God's called me to go somewhere, told of his Love and Plan for me, yet I'm in prison?' but because of that, we now have his letters written to people he thought he would physically visit, and those letters are what make up some of the New Testament, lasting to this day - if they were told to the people in that time verbally it would not have had such an impact for us years and years later! God's way of working is unpredictable, but there is always a reason, always a purpose!

I hope all goes well for you, and will be praying for you!

 

[knw1991]

yes thats very true, i never looked at it that way. thats a tremendous purpose. im just not strong enough like Paul thank you for your prayers

 

[Spunkn]

yes thats very true, i never looked at it that way. thats a tremendous purpose. im just not strong enough like Paul thank you for your prayers

Paul (Saul before he changed his name) also had a direct confrontation with God.

Acts 9:1-4

9 Now Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest, 2 and asked for letters from him to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, both men and women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem. 3 As he was traveling, it happened that he was approaching Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him; 4 and he fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?”

So before he became Paul, he was one of the worst persecutors of Christians around that time. If he can help someone like that, I'm sure that God can help you.