- Oct 6, 2016
- 129
- 85
- 32
- Country
- Australia
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
I understand relationships go through changes/challenges and there might not be the same exciting feeling as there were at the start. But I believe that each couple must put in work to make the relationship work and romantic/affectionate feelings can be nurtured if both people make an effort to appreciate and express their love.
I feel like I keep on hitting a wall and I've been praying about this everyday. We've been together for a year and there's things that I can't seem to shake off. It mainly comes down to my concern that I don't feel like my bf still has the heart to pursue and prioritise me in his life anymore. I sometimes feel quite hurt by it but other times I remind myself of all his strengths and things I should be grateful for e.g. how hardworking, driven he is and how much he cares about his family and honouring God. The reasons why I'm hurting are:
1. I get the remaining part of his time and energy rather than him being intentional about scheduling me in his life - tries to squeeze me in for a few hours on a weekend date because his schedule is too packed with other things such as doing extra work (out of good will) + going out with his mum + going to meet friends + running errands + everything else. He is also usually too sleepy when he talks to me on the phone after work because he works overtime and gets sleepy after dinner (he feels obliged to go in early and stay afterwork out of good will even though I've told him that he will burn out eventually) so I feel like he hasn't made an effort to change his workaholic ways even though he said he would at the start of our relationship + he isn't engaged in conversations as he is dozing off.
2. Refuses to publicise our relationship until we are in "engaged" or "married" mode even though we are dating seriously and with intention of getting married. He thinks it will cause other people to gossip. Yes our family and a few close friends know but he doesn't want either of our church members or people from work to see us together as a couple (so in places where we might bump into church members, he wants to take me on a group date so that people won't figure that I'm his gf). I hate being introduced to people as his "friend" and not "gf". There's a difference between privacy and secrecy.
3. We use to text each other a lot at the start of our relationship, with encouraging and affectionate words but he no longer texts me. I've been trying to continue thanking him and expressing affection every now and then through text but he hardly tells me that he is thinking about me anymore. I've brought this issue up before and he said that he will change but there's been little change - I just think it's nice to text your loved one during the day sometime to show them that you are thinking about them. It doesn't have to be obsessive or long - just a nice encouraging or sweet gesture to keep two people connected. The only time he really says anything nice or affectionate is when we meet up in person but not anytime else when we are communicating over the phone throughout the week - I feel like talking to a friend or coworker rather than a bf. I've still tried being affectionate over the phone and stuff despite him no longer doing so but I sometime really feel stupid because it's one-sided.
I just feel like our relationship has somehow hit a wall and no matter how hard I try to be respectful, encouraging, loving and prayerful about this I can't seem to move the relationship in a positive direction on my own. I have avoided criticising or complaining but these issues have been bugging me and he doesn't seem to take it seriously (since there's no change). He claims that he does love me and miss me but I just feel otherwise. Sometimes I really hate myself for being annoyed and hurt over these petty things but then I think- if a man isn't willing to pursue you during courtship, wouldn't it get even worse in marriage?
Is this true? Should I continue praying, bring these issues up again, tell myself to get over it or what? My mind is so confused. He is a good Christian man ...just I don't know whether I'm expecting some romantic thing that only belongs in fantasy world.
I feel like I keep on hitting a wall and I've been praying about this everyday. We've been together for a year and there's things that I can't seem to shake off. It mainly comes down to my concern that I don't feel like my bf still has the heart to pursue and prioritise me in his life anymore. I sometimes feel quite hurt by it but other times I remind myself of all his strengths and things I should be grateful for e.g. how hardworking, driven he is and how much he cares about his family and honouring God. The reasons why I'm hurting are:
1. I get the remaining part of his time and energy rather than him being intentional about scheduling me in his life - tries to squeeze me in for a few hours on a weekend date because his schedule is too packed with other things such as doing extra work (out of good will) + going out with his mum + going to meet friends + running errands + everything else. He is also usually too sleepy when he talks to me on the phone after work because he works overtime and gets sleepy after dinner (he feels obliged to go in early and stay afterwork out of good will even though I've told him that he will burn out eventually) so I feel like he hasn't made an effort to change his workaholic ways even though he said he would at the start of our relationship + he isn't engaged in conversations as he is dozing off.
2. Refuses to publicise our relationship until we are in "engaged" or "married" mode even though we are dating seriously and with intention of getting married. He thinks it will cause other people to gossip. Yes our family and a few close friends know but he doesn't want either of our church members or people from work to see us together as a couple (so in places where we might bump into church members, he wants to take me on a group date so that people won't figure that I'm his gf). I hate being introduced to people as his "friend" and not "gf". There's a difference between privacy and secrecy.
3. We use to text each other a lot at the start of our relationship, with encouraging and affectionate words but he no longer texts me. I've been trying to continue thanking him and expressing affection every now and then through text but he hardly tells me that he is thinking about me anymore. I've brought this issue up before and he said that he will change but there's been little change - I just think it's nice to text your loved one during the day sometime to show them that you are thinking about them. It doesn't have to be obsessive or long - just a nice encouraging or sweet gesture to keep two people connected. The only time he really says anything nice or affectionate is when we meet up in person but not anytime else when we are communicating over the phone throughout the week - I feel like talking to a friend or coworker rather than a bf. I've still tried being affectionate over the phone and stuff despite him no longer doing so but I sometime really feel stupid because it's one-sided.
I just feel like our relationship has somehow hit a wall and no matter how hard I try to be respectful, encouraging, loving and prayerful about this I can't seem to move the relationship in a positive direction on my own. I have avoided criticising or complaining but these issues have been bugging me and he doesn't seem to take it seriously (since there's no change). He claims that he does love me and miss me but I just feel otherwise. Sometimes I really hate myself for being annoyed and hurt over these petty things but then I think- if a man isn't willing to pursue you during courtship, wouldn't it get even worse in marriage?
Is this true? Should I continue praying, bring these issues up again, tell myself to get over it or what? My mind is so confused. He is a good Christian man ...just I don't know whether I'm expecting some romantic thing that only belongs in fantasy world.
Last edited:
