Am I being "shallow"?

[kelcee618]

My best friend is 39, and I'm 19. We get along great, but I am not attracted to him...

He feels we are called to marriage in the future. He would be a great husband I suppose, but because of our age difference and my lack of attraction toward him, I do not feel the same way. (I am not in love with him, either) He is asking me not to pass this up because of "reasons of the flesh".

Is this "shallow"? He would love me completely, and he is very established spiritually, am I passing up this chance? I know I need to pray about this, but I really need some advice and opinions from Christians who are on the road to marriage. This is not how I thought it would be. I thought I would be very attracted to him, and "just know he was the one when I first laid eyes on him."

This is the complete opposite!

Please, some advice. Thank you

 

[gzt]

Well, you never know what you'll think in the future. I'd recommend against it, especially given that you're 19. If this were 19th century England, say, in Emma by Jane Austen, this might be recommended. But times have changed a bit. You should at least wait to see if you have some inclination toward him "in that way" before you agree to marry.

 

[latteda]

No.

By the way, I had a guy way older than me tell me basically the same thing. Needless to say, he was NOT God's plan for me.

If this guy is God's plan for you, I believe God will give you an attraction for Him in His own timing.

 

[Luther073082]

No you arn't being shallow. It sounds like he's trying to create some phantom relationship that does not exist.

I'd be careful around this guy, something just doesn't seem quite right with him.

 

[latteda]

By the way, may I ask how a single 39-year-old male came to be your best friend? sounds interesting.

I would also add that if this guy really respects you he should realize that you have an ability to hear God's voice, as well.

 

[kelcee618]

Thanks ... you guys are all right!

He was the leader of a Bible Study I went to a few years ago.

 

[gzt]

In that case, I would definitely recommend against it.

 

[The Nihilist]

Weird. Get a new best friend.

 

[CrystalBrooke]

He sounds creepy to me..

 

[Windmill]

Sounds super creepy, avoid.

 

[citizenthom]

It bears repeating: this guy is a creep and you should get away fast.

 

[Meesi]

I agree with all the others. Just from what I've heard in your post, he sounds very...creepy. I'm not sure, I'm just getting a weird vibe. And don't feel bad, if you're not attracted to him, you're just not!

 

[Niffer]

I think its a bit odd that a former (or still present?) bible study leader, with such an age gap would be telling this to a younger, more prone to be influenced girl, who would, (most likely) swoon at the fact of such a "mature man" having feelings for them.

This really, really sounds like hes taking advantage of your lack of expierence and age, then can assume a trust-worthy position in your life because he was your "bible study leader" .....Like the others said: Creepy!

Maybe he's a totally cool guy, but he should be old enough and mature enough to realize he's making himself look pretty bad here....

- Niff

 

[PixieSunbelle]

He sounds creepy.
You should tell him you don't feel the same way and that you'd rather just stay friends. If he keeps pushing then just totally get away or tell an older more trusted adult.

 

[twins15]

No you arn't being shallow. It sounds like he's trying to create some phantom relationship that does not exist.

I'd be careful around this guy, something just doesn't seem quite right with him.

I just want to echo this advice, it sounds exactly right to me.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

My best friend is 39, and I'm 19. We get along great, but I am not attracted to him...

He feels we are called to marriage in the future. He would be a great husband I suppose, but because of our age difference and my lack of attraction toward him, I do not feel the same way. (I am not in love with him, either) He is asking me not to pass this up because of "reasons of the flesh".

Is this "shallow"? He would love me completely, and he is very established spiritually, am I passing up this chance? I know I need to pray about this, but I really need some advice and opinions from Christians who are on the road to marriage. This is not how I thought it would be. I thought I would be very attracted to him, and "just know he was the one when I first laid eyes on him."

This is the complete opposite!

Please, some advice. Thank you

Creeper alert! Creeper alert!!! Mayday! Mayday! Man the battlestations!

This social engineer is manipulating you, big time! Neither my wife and I, nor any married couples we knew, needed any coercion of the sort to get married. As cheesy as it sounds, we "just knew". If you two were called to be married, you two would both know it equally. It would never, ever be uneven like that, nor would one party need to coerce the other by guilting them into feeling like a sinner or like they were ignoring God if they didn't go for it.

If that's shallow then I guess it's better to be shallow than to go off the deep end and drown.

 

[The Nihilist]

She's gone, guys. Her last activity was on the day this thread started. They're probably married.