am i being selfish?

[godshines]

first off, i think i am not being selfish... but here's the info

my bf said that he does not want to live in 'x' city because he feels the people in it make it feel depressing.
his mother owns property in 'x' city. she wants him to be a landlord there for free and collect rent. he thinks she will let him eventually sell the property and take the money so he can buy a house of his own in a different city. i think she will tell him he can't sell it, or that he would have to be a landlord there after he moves out.

we were engaged, and are now just dating. i don't want to have to 'x' city if he lives there. i also don't want to in 'x' city if he ends up just settling there, nor do i want to have to share landlord duties in 'x' city. she has many properties and i feel that she will slowly push the landlord duties to him in that city over time. rather than working two jobs he has chosen to stay in the city that he hates.

am i being selfish? i do not want to live there, nor start a future there. it is depressing, and slum like. and his thoughts to move there are making me want just break up now before i get sucked in to that whole thing.


thanks

 

[godshines]

sorry... that should say don't want to visit 'x' city or live in 'x' city

 

[Windmill]

Well, I think that there is nothing selfish about that.

I think that a lot of the time, where our SO is will determine where we want to go. Because after all, we (are supposed to) rather like our SO's. And so we often make sacrifices in terms of locations and what-not to be with them.

But, by the sounds of it, neither of you are willing to make sacrifices for the other. He doesn't want to sacrifice a comfy income, and you don't want to sarcifice a comfy environment for him. I think that the fact that neither of you seems particularly eager to compromise indicatesnot that either of you are selfish, but that perhaps you just aren't that into each other.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

Honestly, in this economy, I wouldn't sacrifice the income either; especially if it was good money. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do in order to eventually get to the point where we can change that. If this would give him opportunities he otherwise wouldn't have, then I'd go for it for a while and do my best to use the time and money to do what I do want to do.

On the other hand, it seems like you've already made up your mind that the relationship is going nowhere, so I'd be questioning whether it's worth it or not to even remain in it considering something like this would cause enough grief that you need to question it to begin with.