Am I being attacked? HELP!

[dieing2bwithjesus]

Ever since I can remember I have been abused. I was raised in a Christian home but not everyone was living for the Lord. I heard and saw and experienced every evil thing that could be done to a person. From relatives etc. Sexually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I then married 2 abusers. One nearly killed me. The other drove me to want to kill myself by mental abuse. I tried to live for the Lord but I also lived in the world. I wanted both. I finally surrendered to the Lord not too long ago and have been getting rid of anything that God does not want in my life as a Christian. Oh I went forward as a child and many times during camp and crusades etc as a kid out of fear of going to hell. I did not understand the concept of giving all to God. My life my desires everything. I held back. I suffer and have always suffered from being very nervous, having nightmares, and cry a lot due to ptsd. All from a very tramatic life. I want to feel safe with God but all the trama reminds me of how bad it was. My dreams are horrifying. I keep thinking I must be bad and that is why God is letting me suffer. Or I have not got rid of all the things in my life that may have attached its self to me when I was rebelling. I have no clue but I am so confused and emotionally drained. My kids hate me my friends all abandon me for divorcing my abusive husband. I sometimes don't want to live because of constant mental torment of being lonely rejected, not feeling loved crying out to God all the time wondering why am I a suffering so much? I can't take it.

 

[Chococat]

It sounds like you are under attack from the Enemy plus you are still hurting from the past and Satan certainly knows how to attack us at our weak points! The "friends" who abandoned you for divorcing your abusive husband certainly aren't real friends and I wonder if they are real Christians. Real friends stand by you in good times and in bad! It sounds like you need a lot of counselling preferably, from a Christian counsellor. Are you part of a good church? If so perhaps talking to your pastor will help. Anyway I am praying for you.

 

[dieing2bwithjesus]

Thank you Chococat.
I am presently looking for a church.
I had to leave my home as it went into
forcloser due to divorce.
I live in an area where there isn't many good churches to go to.
Its too far to travel back to my old church.
I live alone and am disabled. I have my furry boarders but they won't work lol.

This has made me draw closer to God. I am in counseling. Not Christian as there isn't any around here that will take my ins. My ex still harasses me. He taunts me with my kids and grands being I can't see them. I need prayer for a good support system of strong Christians who can encourage me in the right direction.
​

 

[Johnnz]

It seems the story of the good Samaritan is not in some peoples' bibles! That can be so discouraging for hurt people wanting real support. Ask around (churches, public library, community groups) and see if you can find somewhere or someone who can help you. Or when all else fails "Google it".

John
NZ

 

[JAT7]

I am going through similar struggles. I feel as if everyone has turned against me and still dealing with abuse and some distorted thoughts. If you need to talk im here. God will protect you from the evil