Am I a Sinner?

[Gdoll18]

I have thought about this question for a long time since being with my Fiance of 2 years.
We have been living together for 2 years, and he bought me a promise ring in the very beginning of our relationship. He promised he is going to marry me ( which I have a feeling he will propose on our official 2 years and the end of this month) and that he will be faithful.

The reason why we have not gotten married since we moved in together is because we couldn't afford a wedding. He wants our wedding to be special, and with family instead of marrying me at a courthouse or a quick marriage by a priest.

I just feel guilty. I feel as if I am a sinner since I am not married yet and living with a man.

I don't want to disappoint God, since I am not married. I love my fiance with all my heart and he is truly the one I want for the rest of my life and the one I want to be my husband.

 

[Adstar]

Yes you are a sinner.. We all are unfortunatly.. And yes you are sinning by having sexual relationship with him before you are married.. So it looks like the Holy Spirit is convicting your conscience and you are feeling guilty... It would be better if you seperated untill you are married.. But the forgivness of God is great and he is long suffering towards us who love His truth and have accepted the Atonement of the LORD Jesus Christ.. I hope you can find the courage to do what is right and that your Fiance respects you and your relationship remains solid.. May God guide you and may the peace of the LORD Jesus Christ be with you always

 

[tampasteve]

My wife and I were in a similar predicament. We ended up having a small wedding with just our parents and my Grandmother in a church. We did not do flowers or a photographer, but it was very special, and inexpensive. We then met the rest of our families at a restaurant for dinner. All in all the whole dinner, cake, restaurant, church, and minister cost us under $1k - which is a deal for a wedding.

What I am getting at is that it can still be special, without the huge crowd or expensive party. There are ways to get things for free too. For example, get married in a church at Christmas or Easter, then there will likely be flowers there already. Most churches put out flowers a few days before Christmas, so the 23rd is a good day if that works for you. Hire a photographer that is still going to school, or perhaps an art student at a local university, often they will do the work for free just for their portfolio.

 

[Gdoll18]

My wife and I were in a similar predicament. We ended up having a small wedding with just our parents and my Grandmother in a church. We did not do flowers or a photographer, but it was very special, and inexpensive. We then met the rest of our families at a restaurant for dinner. All in all the whole dinner, cake, restaurant, church, and minister cost us under $1k - which is a deal for a wedding.

What I am getting at is that it can still be special, without the huge crowd or expensive party. There are ways to get things for free too. For example, get married in a church at Christmas or Easter, then there will likely be flowers there already. Most churches put out flowers a few days before Christmas, so the 23rd is a good day if that works for you. Hire a photographer that is still going to school, or perhaps an art student at a local university, often they will do the work for free just for their portfolio.

That is a great idea. We currently are trying to save so we can have some money for when the special time comes. I told I would be perfectly fine with a small wedding nothing too fancy!!! Thank you for the advice.

 

[Hall]

You know, marriage is meant to be a commitment between the married couple and God. Our sincerity to our commitment is more important to Him than a wedding or a piece of paper. Don't get me wrong though, marriage should be done legally and witnessed by others. Although meanwhile until that happens, it wouldn't be a bad idea for you two to say your vowels to each other in a joined prayer with God. He knows your hearts and sincerity...

 

[dayhiker]

I feel capitalism and commercialism has sold us a line that we have to have this big wedding to make a wedding special. I just went to a wedding two weeks ago that was over 50K. It was very nice, but I've been to cheap cost wise weddings and they were very nice as well.
So I say that to say this, its this false system that has pushed you into the beliefs you have that you need a big wedding to be special. I don't think your sinning.

 

[turkle]

The danger you run into when you ask advice on an open forum is that you will receive responses that are opinions. They might be true or not. If you follow Jesus, you go to Him first for your answers. Living as a married couple outside of marriage is adultery. God said that we are not to be adulterers. He made it very clear.

I understand that you and your boyfriend ( who, until he has asked you to marry and you are engaged, is NOT your fiance) would like a nice wedding. However, to engage in sin because you want a nice wedding is not something that the Lord condones. There are always consequences to sinful behavior.

If the wedding is your highest priority, then move out until that day. If you are not willing to do so, then you can marry very easily and with very little money. But it is never, ever wise to try to have your cake and eat it too. If you are really concerned about pleasing God, then you will do it His way. But if you choose to disregard His word, then you need to be aware of the sin, and acknowledge that that is what you are doing.

 

[Gdoll18]

The danger you run into when you ask advice on an open forum is that you will receive responses that are opinions. They might be true or not. If you follow Jesus, you go to Him first for your answers. Living as a married couple outside of marriage is adultery. God said that we are not to be adulterers. He made it very clear.

I understand that you and your boyfriend ( who, until he has asked you to marry and you are engaged, is NOT your fiance) would like a nice wedding. However, to engage in sin because you want a nice wedding is not something that the Lord condones. There are always consequences to sinful behavior.

If the wedding is your highest priority, then move out until that day. If you are not willing to do so, then you can marry very easily and with very little money. But it is never, ever wise to try to have your cake and eat it too. If you are really concerned about pleasing God, then you will do it His way. But if you choose to disregard His word, then you need to be aware of the sin, and acknowledge that that is what you are doing.

Thank you for your response.

My question is, why is it "adultery" ? Last time I checked the meaning of that word was
a·dul·ter·y
əˈdəlt(ə)rē/
noun

1. voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse.

So wouldn't that mean cheating?

In a way I do consider him my fiance, he bought me a ring, proposed to me, with the promise of buying me a better ring down the road in the future when money is better. I know our God is forgiving. I know that we have good intentions as Christians, sometimes money can play a big factor in making moves in life. I love my Fiance with all my heart ,and he is the one I am going to marry Everyone sins in one way or another.... no one is perfect! I can admit that.

 

[dayhiker]

There seems to be a move to expand the meaning of adultery from sex with someone's else's spouse to sex before anyone is married. I've not heard the logic for this, but it seems they are trying to say we are married to our spouse for eternity and so if a person has sex before they are married its adultery. A completely foreign concept to the Bible that defines adultery as being with another man's wife. Lev. 20:10

 

[Dave-W]

There seems to be a move to expand the meaning of adultery from sex with someone's else's spouse to sex before anyone is married.

I think it partly comes from this:

Matt 5. 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

They do not realize that "woman" here was a married woman, not single. And it is stretched to include anyone who gets horny for any reason (including strictly hormonal) that the very desire for release is sinful lust and therefore "adultery."

That gives rise to the ridiculous conclusion that one can commit adultery with no one else involved.