am i a jerk?

[ineedadvice]

hi

i started talking with a girl about this time last year. we have been friends only, but i was hinting i wanted more around august. so we had been talking for about 6 months when i started pushing things along.

i never really got the chance other than to just throw out hints though, her bf of like 6 years came back around and they got engaged. i didnt find out till a month and a half later and i was pretty upset about it for a couple of days.

got over it pretty fast, but figured what the heck, be friends with her anyway. so weve continued to talk for another 6 months now. am i a jerk for still talking to her (and confusing her) and hoping that they would break up?

i know if i were in that doods shoes id be extremely ticked off, but then again, if i wasnt taking care of her like i should be, then its my fault for being the retard. where is the line at?

 

[the_man]

got over it pretty fast, but figured what the heck, be friends with her anyway. so weve continued to talk for another 6 months now. am i a jerk for still talking to her (and confusing her) and hoping that they would break up?

Perhaps not a jerk, but unwise.

i know if i were in that doods shoes id be extremely ticked off, but then again, if i wasnt taking care of her like i should be, then its my fault for being the retard. where is the line at?

Yeah. But even if she left him for you, what makes you think she wouldn't do the same to you for another.

Just let them be.

 

[Niels]

It doesn't sound like you're being a jerk... but you may be setting yourself up for unnecessary agony. Find some way to let her know how you feel. If she rejects you, at least you'll have closure, and the knowledge that you're a man with guts. If she expresses interest in dating you (who knows, maybe she's not really in love with her boyfriend, and wishes you'd say something definite), then that would be great for you, wouldn't it? Just don't waste your time pining over this girl if she's truly unavailable/in love with this guy. If that's the case, I'd say it's not worth the potential heartache. Don't confuse her. Don't confuse yourself. If she doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about her, move on! There are other women out there.

 

[Allanon]

I think the line at least comes with the ring. Since she is engaged I don't think you should actively try to break them up. You don't need to stop talking to her but don't try to sabotage things. If she were to bring it up then it could be fair game.

Thats just my opinion though. I think I heard someone once say:
"All's fair in love and war"

 

[JPPT1974]

I think the line at least comes with the ring. Since she is engaged I don't think you should actively try to break them up. You don't need to stop talking to her but don't try to sabotage things. If she were to bring it up then it could be fair game.

Thats just my opinion though. I think I heard someone once say:
"All's fair in love and war"

Trying to break up an engaged couple, no offense whatsoever, would make you out to be a definate jerk or worse, a "skunk"!!

 

[ineedadvice]

Trying to break up an engaged couple, no offense whatsoever, would make you out to be a definate jerk or worse, a "skunk"!!

even if she is sending signals otherwise? like i said we only talk, anyway, ill just be extra sure im not sending innuendos or something like that when we talk I guess.

I figured since shes willing to talk about how her relationship is going that its "fair game" as it was aptly put, but was wondering if im just using that as a justification and if it is crossing the line...

 

[Matt.9:22]

jerk? Naaaah. Glutton for pain? Seems like it. Why would you continue to subject yourself to this girl with the secret hope of her becoming unhappy? She has already shown that she doesn't think she can find happiness with you. Why are you setting yourself up to be a "comfort buddy?" And by comfort buddy I mean the person she constantly uses for a reaffirmation of her desirebleness (sp?) whenever things aren't going so hot in her "main" relationship. My suggestion is that you begin to distance yourself from her, and give your emotions time to heal. If God means for you to be with her, it will happen. If not, you can help yourself by not being a road block in His path for you.

 

[chanis]

I wouldn't say a jerk but like the_man said unwise...it sucks to be in that position believe me I've gone through that only to find out way later that he actually did have feelings...in a sense you're leading her on hurting yourself and her...be honest about your feelings but be ready for anything to happen...

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Yeah. But even if she left him for you, what makes you think she wouldn't do the same to you for another.

Just let them be.

True that Man,

Some people are like Monkeys. They won't let go of their branch until they have a firm grasp on another branch.

 

[JPPT1974]

even if she is sending signals otherwise? like i said we only talk, anyway, ill just be extra sure im not sending innuendos or something like that when we talk I guess.

I figured since shes willing to talk about how her relationship is going that its "fair game" as it was aptly put, but was wondering if im just using that as a justification and if it is crossing the line...

That proves that you are vulnerable as well as she. But also lean on the Lord for help and guidance and not to be a jerk about it both of you. Confront in a loving and kind manner nonetheless.

 

[Jesus-is-the-1]

I wouldn't say you are a jerk. I would let it go for sure. Besides, lets just say that she does leave him and be with you, wouldn't you always feel like she'd leave you for some other guy that tried to break you and her up?

 

[JPPT1974]

I wouldn't say you are a jerk. I would let it go for sure. Besides, lets just say that she does leave him and be with you, wouldn't you always feel like she'd leave you for some other guy that tried to break you and her up?

Definately let it go and move on to something else instead of just wasting their time.