Alzheimers

Hello,

My father, who is passed now, had alzheimers and lived with us for 8 years. It was difficult for all of us, but especially confusing for my children. The Grandpa that once spoiled them and bought them lots of candy was now stealing their candy and other things.

After he passed, once I had no need for it, I did see a book at the library for kids. I cant remember the exact title, but it was something like "Whats wrong with Grandma?" I would suggest checking out local libraries and see if you can find something. Also, just be honest with them. Tell them all you know about alzheimers, what it does, what to expect. I think once they have an idea that this is NOT going to get better, and once they know what things to expect in the future, it will help.

As someone who has been through it, I do have one bit of important advice for your whole family. I waited till it was too late... towards the end I had all kinds of questions for my father, I wanted to know more about his childhood, his feelings on different topics, etc. Talk to your MIL NOW, get to know her as well as you can. Your children as well, if she is progressing quickly then they need to spend alot of time getting to know her.

My father did better at remembering what happened when he was a child than he did at remembering the last 10, 15, 20 years. I was in my early 20's at the time, so he had pretty much forgotten all that had happened during my lifetime, including my mother, who passed of cancer when I was 21. I was still grieving for her, so I myself didnt want to talk about her, but now I wonder that maybe if I could have talked to him more about the recent past, he might have had his memory longer.

I will pray for all of you, as I know you will be needing it. If you ever want to talk more about this, feel free to PM me anytime.

If we live long enough--for most of us life is a circle beginning as an infant and ending in an infantile state.

People get sick and they regress to child like behavior.
In the South we have pretty much just now gotten into long term care. You know it was a sin to let momma go to one of those "places". We take care of our own and all that.

My Dad is slightly past the onset of dementia and he never was a charmer to begin with. He is pretty harsh with my Mom which is the hardest part for me. She handles it like the saint she is, I don't know how. If I stay with them more than a few days, instead of helping I end up making things worse--cause I just can't deal with Daddy.

But I have come to realize, that he does not always do the best he can, but he has never meant any harm. He loves me in his way and I have to remind myself of that.

As far as your kids, how can they really understand, when we struggle with it ourselves. The library and online articles is good advice. I feel you dear. I want you to know you are not alone.

I just feel like as much as Mom/Dad did for me, I OWE them every ounce of dignity I can help them have. My Mom did it for her parents and she says she does not regret one thing she ever did for her folks. (In fact I heard her say the other say, if she had known how short their time was at the end, she would have done more--and Grandpa was 92 when he went..) WOW How do you all do this full time?

Which is part of the trouble Ihave with my FIL, he wants to keep it quiet and not make a big deal out of it, but without telling people they look at her like she is going crazy, at least if peolpe knew they would understand and extend a lot more grace.

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When people dont understand what is going on, they can be very mean.

My father was very close with a cousin of mine, who was a local sherriff. My father thought so much of him, loved him to death. At the beginning of his alzheimers, he accused this man of stealing two 5 gallon buckets of pecans from the roof. Yes, you heard that right. You'd think that no one would take such an acusation very seriously, but my father must have said some harsh words to him. After that, they never spoke again. I thought that was very cruel of my cousin. Later, after the family knew he had ALZ. he never did come to try to set things right. It was sad.

You should try to find a way to explain it to your FIL. If he is worried about embarrassing her, then keeping it a secret will only do that in a worse way. Good luck.