All work & no play...

[Out of the Flames]

"Use your hands for honest work and give generously to others in need." –Eph. 4:28

I give 100% of myself, all the time, to everyone who needs me. Often, the only benefit that I reap is to know that I’ve helped someone. For me, that’s usually enough. Having been called to service through ministry, volunteer counseling and mentoring, I have found joy in working with a variety of people. I love being able to help others by sharing life experience, teaching, and sharing my deep love of God with others who are trying to get closer to Him. But I feel as though I’m already burning out.

I work full time to support myself, have ministry training 2 nights a week, a bible study 2 nights a week, and two classes on top of that. I’m not having trouble juggling my commitments since none of my activities overlap. I invest myself fully in every activity because I cannot live with mediocrity- it goes against every part of my anal retentive, perfectionist nature. I know I am capable of taking on all these things and it hasn’t become more than I can handle. But with everything that I have on my plate and my desire to be immersed in my volunteer work all the time, I often give up time to myself. When I try to clear my schedule for a little "me time," I feel guilty (or am made to feel guilty) for not doing more. The result is that I become very tired, irritable, and even unkind, and I often end up hurting or alienating the very people I delight in spending time with or am trying to counsel or mentor. I want to break down and cry for how awful that makes me feel and I sometimes feel like a hopeless failure at something I’m supposed to be very gifted in.

There are so many things that I would like to accomplish in order to become a better mentor, a better counselor, a better friend, and a better servant. I just can’t seem to set aside any time to reenergize and prepare myself to take these things on. I’d love to be able to share what I’m going through with someone in a position of experience and benefit from their knowledge. Alas, for all the tens of thousands of people that have attended and its 5,000 committed members, my church has been unable to find and connect me with a suitable mentor for my stage in life.

I’m becoming very frustrated with the state of my life right now. I pray constantly hoping that God will help me focus my priorities and show me what I am wasting time on so that I can eliminate it and devote a small portion of time to refocusing and reenergizing myself. But all I can think to do is shut off my phones and computers on Friday night and all day Saturday and Sunday afternoon, at which point I will inevitably be guilt tripped for being unavailable. I need to have time for fun, time to relax, and time for the sleep that is in such short supply right now. Can anyone see this with a fresh eye and offer suggestions?

 

[PetraFan007]

Just a note---not saying you are doing this...but if you are doing this to please God...he may be pleased but works does not get you any closer to God or salvation or worth or anything. The only reason why anything we do has worth is because WE DO IT. Doing less does not make you worth less.

 

[wildthing]

yeah I understand the feeling. It is said that 95% of the work of the church is done by 10% of the people. It is easy to become over worked by the demand of yourself, the church and socity.

In Genesis and Hebrews we learn that after 6 days of work God rested. We need our rest. I know how it is many weeks before I found CF I had worked what would be 24/7s. This really was not good, it hurt me in many ways, I lost touch with my friends, I even lost touch with God. Getting the job done no matter what the cost was a consuming importants. It became so important that I forgot one thing, I forgot that needed God's fellowship. I lost out. Here I was doing all these things (somewere for the church) and these thing just became motions, nothing more just motions.

I needed the rest that God had built in to me. In order to do a quality job God said that you need rest. God rested and so do you. God is not interest in the amount of work but in the quality of work. So rest you need it don't be worried about what people say. It is God who wants the best job from you, he knows that you need your rest. So take it.

 

[Out of the Flames]

Just a note---not saying you are doing this...but if you are doing this to please God...he may be pleased but works does not get you any closer to God or salvation or worth or anything. The only reason why anything we do has worth is because WE DO IT. Doing less does not make you worth less.

Pleasing God is just an added benefit. I do it because I actually derive pleasure from helping others. My bible studies have been a tremendous source of inspiration and learning in my spiritual walk so that too is something I enjoy because it helps me feel closer to God.

It's like I confided in someone earlier- I know I'm a stubborn person and sometimes I wonder if my stubborness isn't the very thing that keeps me from seeing that I've taken on more than I can handle. I feel ill equipped sometimes because I don't feel like I have a very firm grip on parts of my life. I know what I've been called to and I'm doing my best to follow knowing that most of it is cloaked in absolute uncertainty. I'm trying my hardest to hand it over to God and that's a daily struggle for me. I just wish that the leap of faith weren't always such a hard one to make.

It's also hard to get out and meet people when I have so many commitments, but I feel guilty and selfish when I turn someone down for the sake of spending some quality time with the TV or the bathtub once in a while. I'm trying to cut back on the extracurriculars to have a social life, but the guilt is almost painful sometimes.

 

[desi]

Out of the Flames, wasted time enjoyed is not wasted. We all need time to ourselves, to deny ourselves this will wear us down as surely as prolonged fasting or lack of sleep. Perhaps if you take an extra night or two off you may find better balance.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Don't feel guilty for some "me" time. I am going to give you some advice I gave a friend of mine who has a handicapped child and was feeling very overwhelmed at everything she was doing to help care for her child. She was feeling guilty because she wanted to take a night off for herself to attend a bible study. If you don't take time for yourself and regroup and refresh and do a few things for you, then you won't be able to offer the best of you to and for others. All you will have to offer is the Flames who is tried and frustrated and running on empty-which will probably make you feel more guilty. Taking that time out for yourself is necessary and beneficial not only for you but also for those who help to reach. Maybe you could start out small and then when that feels comfortable expand on that. Take a walk by yourself. Read a couple of chapters in a book. Spend some quite time in prayer or mediatation. Go window shopping. Go to a coffee shop and enjoy a cup of coffee. Take that short nap. Baby steps!

Something I read not to long ago has also given me something to think about. I too do more than I should because sometimes I have a problem saying no and also because I want to do want I can to serve. But there is a problem with that last statement. It is doing what "I" can. But is that what God wants? Do I stop and ask God, what do You want me to do? More than likely, I don't. What I am doing is because someone has asked me to do something. It's like wildthing said-most of the work is done by a handful of people. Maybe it's time to look at your gifts and talents and decide those are the areas in which you will serve in. And not feel guilty for saying no to the others. (A lesson I could certainly stand to learn myself.)

 

[klewlis]

Don't feel guilty for some "me" time. I am going to give you some advice I gave a friend of mine who has a handicapped child and was feeling very overwhelmed at everything she was doing to help care for her child. She was feeling guilty because she wanted to take a night off for herself to attend a bible study. If you don't take time for yourself and regroup and refresh and do a few things for you, then you won't be able to offer the best of you to and for others. All you will have to offer is the Flames who is tried and frustrated and running on empty-which will probably make you feel more guilty. Taking that time out for yourself is necessary and beneficial not only for you but also for those who help to reach. Maybe you could start out small and then when that feels comfortable expand on that. Take a walk by yourself. Read a couple of chapters in a book. Spend some quite time in prayer or mediatation. Go window shopping. Go to a coffee shop and enjoy a cup of coffee. Take that short nap. Baby steps!

Something I read not to long ago has also given me something to think about. I too do more than I should because sometimes I have a problem saying no and also because I want to do want I can to serve. But there is a problem with that last statement. It is doing what "I" can. But is that what God wants? Do I stop and ask God, what do You want me to do? More than likely, I don't. What I am doing is because someone has asked me to do something. It's like wildthing said-most of the work is done by a handful of people. Maybe it's time to look at your gifts and talents and decide those are the areas in which you will serve in. And not feel guilty for saying no to the others. (A lesson I could certainly stand to learn myself.)

I agree completely! You cannot give your best if you are burned out!

Jesus often went off by himself to get away from the people and spend time with God. Why should we not do the same?

Never feel guilty about taking time off, and don't let anyone try to lay a guilt trip on you. You NEED time off. As someone said above, God rested on the 7th day. If that means turning off your cell and pager for a day, then do it! They can leave a message!

Also, you have to remember that God is perfectly capable of carrying on his work without you. This is a hard lesson to learn for those of us who want to do everything. If you take a day off, the world is not going to fall apart, the people you serve aren't going to die or lose their faith, and your ministry will not be harmed--in fact, it will be helped. Hey, if they can't get ahold of you maybe they will do the unthinkable and find someone else to do it! Imagine that! The body is best served when the work is spread out. God does not need you to be everywhere and to do everything. He only wants you to be faithful, and that also requires self-care.

So go, turn off all the gadgets, buy some oreos, watch a movie, hang out with a close friend, go camping, go swimming, read a book, do whatever it is that you like to do for yourself.

 

[Sketcher]

Let's see. Is the ministry training temporary?

Is it two different Bible studies, or one study that meets twice a week? If it is two with two different sets of people you know equally well, you might want to nix one.

Are the classes really important to you? If one isn't, and the ministry training won't last that much longer, you could drop one class and take it after the training runs its course.

Then there's just not volunteering too much. Maybe you could have a weekly quota of things to volunteer at. "I CANNOT work at the soup kitchen because I am already needed at the pregnancy center."

You definitely need to drop one or two things if you're starting to take your own problems out on the people you're counselling. Maybe you don't need to do that.

At any rate, pray about what God wants you to give up and pray for replacements to do the volunteer work. You have a very big heart, don't shrink it. Just cut back before it collapses on its own weight.

 

[songz777]

Hey out of the flames, the way your going ur be back in them (joking) listen dear lady you need REST and time to CHILL. Ive been away for 5 days in the mountains, just ME and JESUS, no TV or PC lol. Its been so good just to pray worship meditate and look at creation. Jesus knows how much you can take, your shoulders arnt big enough to take it all, let someone else in your church do some of it SHARE its only FAIR.
You need time just to do the things a woman needs to do, just like said. ie: watch some tv, etc. Gods expects us to have a balanced diet, its not a case of all work and no play. Eeven Jesus said, COME ON you need a rest, come into the desert for a while. So dear one, you can only so much. make a list of the priorities and where you really feel God is callijng you to serve, then CONCENTRATE on these better gufts, develop them, if other ministries cant be done, so be it, the Lord will in His way provide other people to do it.
Bless you JOHN

 

[Living4Him03]

You've got to take time for yourself if you want to be able to continue serving God. Sometimes I feel the same way. I am also very busy and keep getting busier. I'll forget to take care of myself and do something to relax, then I get bogged down, stressed out, and often end up taking my anger out on others, which is something I shouldn't be doing. The point is that you HAVE to make time for yourself, especially time to pray and just be still and know that God is God. When you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of others or be the kind of leader and mentor God has called you to be. Take time for yourself and dont' feel guilty about it. If others try and make you feel guilty, explain to them why it's important for you to take some time to yourself. God even rested on the 7th day after creating everything, which was to show us how we need to rest.

 

[blackpurseninja]

I read this on Sunday in one of my books to accompany the Bible, so I’ll type it out for you. I think it has a good point, and I know how crazy it can be at times.


WHATS THE HURRY?
ISAIAH 30:15

Perhaps you feel rushed or caught on a treadmill, always focused on a deadline, always thinking about what is happening next rather than what is happening right now.

The people of Isaiah’s time were consumed with anxiety about the Assyrians. They were busily making plans and preparations in case the enemy invaded. But God warned them that the key to withstanding the threats of Assyria was not in frenetic activity, but in quiet, confident trust in Him (Is. 30:15). It was not that wise planning had no value; it did. But faith in God demands a certain amount of ceasing from work to reflect on one’s situation and the Lord’s ability to handle it.

Conventional wisdom urges us to pause and smell the roses occasionally. Scripture calls us to pause and worship the Lord regularly (Ex. 20:8-10). This principle of a balanced, measured approach to life was established at the end of the first work week in history, when God paused in His work to consider what He had accomplished (Gen. 1:31-2:2).

Why not spend time right now to reflect on your life – where it has come from, where it is, and where it is going. Reflect on your relationships – the conversations you have had, the memories you have gained. Are you willing to take the time to find God in your life?

 

[Out of the Flames]

Thank you all for your encouragement. My training is temporary and I have 5 more weeks after tonight of one of my bible studies. Then I'll be down to 1 a week. I had a few conversations with my "recruiters" and let them know that I'm feeling burnt out and that I don't feel that I'm in a capacity to put my best foot forward until I get some rest. I will carefully consider now on, the commitment involved in saying Yes.

And I have plans to go out with someone tomorrow. We have no plans for what we'll be doing but that's more than okay with me. I could use some spontaneity. I'm content just to hang out and listen to music or watch stoopid movies. Thanks again for all your prayers and encouragement. You guys have been great.

 

[Stanfi]

It has already been said, but we all need balance in our lives. To much of one thing it bad. We all need time for ourselves to do what we enjoy. I have often felt many of the same ways that you expreesed in the OP, but I am slowly learning to do things for me.