Al Anon

BigToe said:

Has anyone been to any Al Anon meetings? What were they like? Was it helpful for you?

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I used to go quite regular but slacked off the last few years and focused more on AA.

They were very helpfull to me in that they gave me the strength and wisdom to deal with others who were a tad dysfunctional. It allowed me to love them warts and all, without spending piles of energy trying to get them to change their behaviour into what was acceptable to me. This was accomplished by me looking at me and why it was that their behaviour was upsetting me.

Although sometimes a meeting can degenerate into a complaint session about the alcoholic or drug addict, the norm is that it is a group support structure whereby one learns to have some peace in spite of a somewhat chaotic home life. Al-Anon like AA is centered around doing the 12 Steps as a way to develop a stronger relationship with God and thereby finding the strength to deal with life in a non-codependent way.

The format that is common in my particular area is either an Open meeting where several members read certain standard poems, prayers, the Steps etc. and then a member who gets up and shares their experience strength and hope in a general way. The other format is a discussion meeting that takes place around a table where a topic or two, pertinent to living with dysfunction, may be brought forward and then discussed with members sharing their individual experience. In this way the older members can relate their experience with newer members in a non-threatening or personal manner.

The time I spent in meetings was very beneficial to me and the things I learned there I still use on a regular basis.

BigToe said:

So does it help you come to terms with people not being great people and not letting it bother you?

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Yes it did for me. It did it from several different angles.
1. I started to look at the motivation behind my own behaviour.
2. I realized that my unhappiness with the situation was adding fuel to the fire.
3.The more I saw my own weaknesses the more forgiving I became of others' weaknesses. That resulted in a different relational dynamic that became progressively better as time went on.

Most importantly, it was through Al-Anon that I learned about "loving detachment", and not acepting others rude or dysfunctional/sinful behaviors without either resenting them or feeling like a victim.

BigToe said:

Has anyone been to any Al Anon meetings? What were they like? Was it helpful for you?

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Sorry Big Toe but I never been to one but been to plenty of AA meetings. The people I know (family, friends) that have gone to Al Anon meetings have told me that it helped them to better understand the alcoholic and how to deal with them. My sons have gone before and it helped them to know a bit more from another perspective what their dad (me) was going thru.

wish I had a better answer for you.

BigToe said:

Well, I've been to several open AA meetings with and without my mother. I'm also currently in a group therapy where a few of the other members are in recovery themselves. So I've got sources of where to turn to if I don't understand something my mother is going through or has done. I'm more interested in finding a way to just be ok with the fact that she's a crap mom.

Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely proud of her for taking that step to get stober and that she is nearing two years. But her behavior hasn't changed and it's actually getting quite worse.

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I wish I had an answer but all I got is some perspective that I sent in a PM to you.

I have recently become a grateful member of Al-Anon, and I mean that quite literally. I went out of need and found the groups very helpful, the literature even more so at this point. If you have loved or currently love an alcoholic, I would encourage you to attend one meeting just to get the literature (if for no other reason). If you read it, you can then decide if you want to give it a real try. My favorite group is the all men's group, but I also learn from the mixed sessions. I do not know how much it will benefit someone who does not feel in need of help, but your question leads me to believe that you are searching and may be ready for what Al-Anon has to offer. Best to you.

Yes, I have been to Al Anon meetings and they were very helpful for me. They teach you to cope with the drinker in your life and take good care of yourself and try to understand the drinker yet not enable him or her.

I went to Ala-Teen which is just Alanon for teens. For me it helped me realize that I wasn't alone and that it wasn't my fault for the drinking of the alcoholics in my life. It also help me cope with the fact they we were addictided to drugs.
I found myself in Ala-teen. Sadly our meetings ended because our sponcers weren't able to meet with us every night because they both needed second jobs but I still keep in touch with them every day through e-mail and telephone. My aunt and cousin went to Alanon and they both loved it.
The programs do help you deal with your situations. I really benifited from it so I strongly suggest you go!


My prayers are with you!



God Bless,
Sarah

Ugh! None near me anr john is in full dry drunk. Sober but miserable. I was healed by Christ from drink at salvation but picked up another drug. Fear the lord!

It Literally saved my life and gave me a quality of life, it was there that I learned the Live part..of Live and let live.