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What age difference would you be ok with in a relationship?(you may pick more than 1)

  • 0-2 years

  • 3-5 years

  • 6-8 years

  • 9 or more years

  • age doesn't matter at all


Results are only viewable after voting.

Maeyken

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Hi everyone,
Today I was sitting there, supposed to be reading, but my mind wanders. So I got to thinking about age differences in relationships, and wondered what people's opinions are. What's the largest age difference you'd be comfortable with in a relationship? What's the age difference between you and your s/o?

Ok so I lied... you can only pick one. And it won't let me edit my poll! If anyone knows how I can edit it, please PM me!!
 

Sascha Fitzpatrick

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I think it alters as you grow up...

I was 19 and dating a 27 year old - that was a big mistake. I had just finished school, halfway through university, and not entirely sure of where I was heading in my life. He, on the other hand, had most of his goals firmly in place, so most of mine were formed because of his. I find that risky, as you aren't making goals for your own development in that case, you end up doing it for your bf. That isn't ALWAYS bad, but when you're still really young, and they're almost past their 20s (when most of your life decisions get made), it is a bit 'iffy' to shape your whole life to fit theirs, when you've never made the decision beforehand.

If I was under 21, I would be looking for someone around the same age. That way you have an easier time of shaping your lifetime goals. I wouldn't be stretching much past 4 years difference, as that's when problems arise with difference in maturing levels.

I have a 29 year old boyfriend/future fiance. That works for me, because I have firm decisions made about where my future lies, and so does he. We compromise still on this somewhat, so that both our goals get achieved in the relationship, but we aren't finding one of us 'changing' their goals, just to fit in with the other person, who may have had their goals in place for years.

I feel very strange when I hear of 20 year old girls going out with men in their mid-30s and above. No matter how close you think your lives parallel, I have yet to see a healthy relationship develop between two who have such a large age-gap. Their can be a lot of 'father figure' issues rise up, as well as 'stunting' happening. I strongly caution any young woman looking for a relationship with someone over 10 years older than her. I've seen very unhealthy attachments happen with this.

Sasch
 
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Living4Him03

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When I was 19 I dated a guy who was 25. He was about to graduate and I still had a few years left. He was entering the working world and was at a different place in his life. There were areas in which we could relate, but for the most part I had so much growing to do.

I do prefer to date guys who are several years older than me, especially now, because I'm at a point in my life where my education is pretty much finished, so I want someone who is at least headed in somewhat of the same direction. The guy I would like to date at some point currently is 3 years older. I've only dated a few guys my age, and one that was younger.
 
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Maeyken

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My bf is 8 years older than me, although when I first met him I never would have believed he was that much older! He thought I was several years older than I actually am, too. (He thought I was at least 24, and I was 21. It was so funny when he found out. He was so shocked!) I knew his age right from the day I met him cuz I overheard him telling someone else, and I didn't figure it could ever work out since he was that much older. But it has We talked about it a bit, and the way I see it, if it doesn't matter to the two of us, why should we care what other people think! Both his parents and my parents are ok with it too, which was important to me.

You made some good points there, Sascha, about life goals and age differences. My bf is very adamant in his opinion that no one should get married before age 25, and I think that has something to do with what you're talking about. We haven't talked too much about it yet, but we are planning to soon. I'm not too sure that at exactly 25 a person is ready to get married, but I do agree with the principle behind it.

With my bf it's rather interesting, cuz he just went back to school this year, to go to seminary, and I'm graduating this spring. He'll have 2 more years of school after I'm done, so it'll be interesting to see how that goes! So he is sort of starting over with his life's direction (or at least making a sharp corner!) and I am starting off.

So yep, I think age differences in relationships can work, and I definitely think it depends on the age of the people involved. But at my age, I think 8 years is enough, but it's working for us.
 
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Maeyken

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Living4Him03 said:
It really depends on God's will.

A friend of mine got married last year and was 24, her husband was 32. The age difference really didn't matter all that much. They are both lovely Christian people and are a great couple.
Just curious- how long were they dating before they got married? Sometimes it seems like people who are a little older get married quicker than people who are younger (not in all cases, but it's something I've noticed)
 
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Living4Him03

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They dated for one year before marrying. I think they were friends for a few months before they began dating. Yah, I think, although not always of course, the older you get the more prepared for a serious relationship leading to marriage you are. It seems like we become more prepared for marriage over the years and are therefore ready more quickly for marriage (well not in all cases) than when we are younger.
 
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silentpoet

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Like everybody has said, it depends. Being in a similar life stage despite age differences can help. My sister was I believe 10 years younger than her husband, their marriage has lasted about 18 or so years now.

My wonderful girlfriend is 9 years younger than me, but has no problem with the age difference. I brought it up a couple of times early in the relationship and she said basically that she does not care about the age difference. Or at least that she does not care what others think.

If you look at the Bible age differences were much more pronounced. A man needed to be some what established in a career to be able to take care of a family. Look at Mary and Joseph. She was a young girl(by our standards of marriage age anyway) and he was an established professional.
 
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California Dreamin'

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I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 23...
I don't have a problem with age, but if I was 15 and he's 23, that's a different story for sure. Once you get a certain age, nothing matters... 18 is legal.. anyways, 18 and 23 isn't that much of a difference.
My parents were 19 and 21 when they met and got married (they knew each other 6 months and got married), they waited 7 yrs. until I was born and divorced when I was 6...
10 yrs later, my mom re-marries someone who is 19 yrs older than her and here we are 2 yrs later and they are happy together. they are such a great couple.
 
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Maeyken

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tinkerbell said:
I tried to pick 2, but for some reason, it wouldn't let me. I think 0-5 years is okay. Of course, other people have bigger age differences and do just fine, but I'm not so sure that's for me.
Ya, sorry about that. It was supposed to let you pick more than one, but I think I did it wrong and can't figure out how to change it... sorry!
 
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SandyLou

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In a long lasting relationship, age DOES begin to matter. After about 6 - 8 years you have different values, memories, backgrounds. And while in the beginning these things may seem trivial, after time they start to erode the ability to truly communicate and connect on a conversational level.
yes, there are exceptions - and we can all name a FEW - but overall it's easier a lot easier to talk and remember and dream with someone of a similar generation.
 
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KristianJ

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At this point of my life, I couldn't see myself having a serious relationship with anyone more than 3 years younger than me, and I'm not too sure whether dating a woman too much older than me would be good either. I think that where I am right now (Danie's 11 months younger than me) is a good balance, since we're currently in almost identical situations studying and doing part time work. It gives us the opportunity to relate to each other better and give each other encouragement and advice. But you all have raised very valid points above too
 
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