Age Difference and Relationships?

.Mikha'el. said:

My personal age differences favor a much tighter gap.

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Yeah, but I'm wondering why? If you do not mind me asking.

.Mikha'el. said:

I have a strange hangup about dating anyone significantly younger than my sister.

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Alright, I won't prod any further.

15 years or less sounds about right. I have a similar age gap with my siblings, although they're all older. In some ways I grew up like an only child. They all left for college after high school, and moved on with their lives when I was little, but we're the same generation in terms of family structure. That may have something to do with why large age gaps don't phase me much. Then again, maybe I'd still feel similarly if my background was different.

I rarely judge other couples based on age gaps either, regardless of whether the man is older or the woman is older. As long as they're both well enough into adulthood to make responsible life decisions, I don't mind. 9 times out of 10, I don't even notice.

Also, there's lot more that I'd like to do before I die. I don't feel old yet. I've never married, and I don't have kids. That's my life milestone demographic, and most never married women who don't have kids happen to be younger than me. I'm open to dating women my age, of course, or even a few years older, but they should be at a similar place in life. If they're done with living, thinking their best days are behind them, then we're not meant to be.

One caveat: No matter our age gap or lack thereof, we should see each other as peers. I'm not interested in assuming a pseudo-parental role to my significant other, let alone being a "sugar daddy"... eww. She needs to have a similar "age is just a number" attitude for our relationship to work.

Never really answered for myself personally.

For me my preferred age range is around 20-22.

I do find it strange how the older I get the bar for 20-22 year old women becomes lower. Even the average and slightly below average woman of that age reeks of femininity to me. I'd like to have at least a several year age gap. A gap that is quite normal for men in my family. A woman being 1-2 years younger than me just feels weird. My father said something poignant to me once. He remarked that the older he and my mother become the more grateful for every single year she's younger than him. So despite her being far from the 22 year old age range, he still finds her feminine because of the gap.

For me, it has definitely changed. Starting in my teens as a senior I was attracted to younger guys. I also had a freshman boyfriend. I tended to have friends who were a couple years younger than me. By the age of 35 I think the youngest was 10 years younger than me, but I also had someone that was 19 that had a crush/obsessed with me at work.

After 40 I totally gave up on marriage but I became attracted to somebody 11 years older than me. I was surprised. But I think it was his youthfulness. I also think he had a big attraction to younger women. One time , though,when we went on a date I noticed the age difference when someone said I looked like his daughter.

6 years after having given up on marriage, I re-entered online dating (2020). I really found a variation and what I like to compared to when I was in my 30s. Older guys didn't repulse me quite as much, partially because I had had a boyfriend for 2 months that was 11 years older. As far as the dates I've been on this year, the two longest engagements of time was with someone who was 3 years younger and one that was 12 years older. The one that was 3 years younger, for some reason he felt a lot younger because he called himself a boy and he definitely needs some growing up. The one that I ended up going out that with that was older, He had a lot of the maturity, engagement and old fashioned pursuit (picking up the phone instead of texting), and just something different that made me feel beautiful.

Because of these experiences I have been a lot more open to older guys than I was before 40. Now someone 10 years younger than me just seems way too young. I don't know what this all means, but it's crazy to think how much my taste could change in two decades in guys. I think maybe in my younger years I just wasn't ready to settle down and I wanted the guy who also wasn't, even though I said I wanted to marry.

sampa said:

For me, it has definitely changed. Starting in my teens as a senior I was attracted to younger guys. I also tended to have friends who were a couple years younger than me. By the age of 35 I think the youngest was 10 years younger than me, but I had someone that was 19 that had a crush on me.

After 40 I totally gave up on marriage but I became attracted to somebody 11 years older than me. I was surprised. But I think it was his youthfulness. I also think he had a big attraction to younger women. But one time when we went on a date I noticed the age difference when someone said I looked like his daughter.

6 years after having giving up on marriage and entering online dating this past year, I really found a variation. Older guys didn't repulse me quite as much, partially because I had had a boyfriend for 2 months that was 11 years older. As far as the dates I've been on this year, probably the two longest engagements of time spent on dates was with someone who was 3 years younger, and for some reason he felt a lot younger because he called himself a boy and he definitely needs some growing up. The one that I ended up going out that with it was older, this time was 12 years older. He had a lot of the maturity, engagement and old fashioned pursuit (picking up the phone instead of texting), and just something different that made me feel beautiful. so because of these experiences I have been a lot more open to older guys that I was before 40. Now someone 10 years younger than me just seems way too young. I don't know what this all means, but it's crazy to think how much my taste could change in two decades in guys. I think maybe in my younger years I just wasn't ready to settle down and I wanted the guy who also wasn't, even though I said I wanted to marry.

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It is fun noticing the mindset changes as one gets older. Mine's a predictable path.. but it's still fun to jot down.

As many have said there can be quite a number of variables to consider. As believers, first and foremost, we must marry the person God intends for us to marry. If we do not feel God wants us to marry a certain individual, than nothing else matters.

True love, chemistry/compatibility, those things are more important than an age. Sometimes, an age gap might mean there will be less compatibility, less of an ability to relate, etc. Depending on where one is in life, they might not be at the same page of goals, aspirations etc. A 35 year old would more likely (in theory) have a lot more in common with a 28 year old than an 18 year old. That being said, age is not always an indicator. Age does not define spiritual, emotional, relational, etc. levels of maturity.

I don't think what culture is so concerned about is as important (obviously, when answering this question we are assuming both parties are the legal age and are mutually committed to the relationship).

Many people date near their age. But even that can differ for people. There was an 8 year difference between my mom and dad. Thankfully that didn't matter to them or else I would not be here.

As Christians, pray. Pray about the person God wants you to be with. Even if the world doesn't see it as the most conventional or whatever, if it is the person God wants you to be with, it will work out.

MehGuy said:

Yeah, but I'm wondering why? If you do not mind me asking.

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Whoever voted age doesn't matter or 10 years and over has been sexually abused and this type of trauma weakens our sensitivity to certain boundaries it's called intergenerational transmission. Instead of being the perpetrator, you're more likely to cope this trauma to another path simply by going to an extreme in mating preferences. A massive age gap is considered unlawful as homosexuality.

Ljepa said:

Whoever voted age doesn't matter or 10 years and over has been sexually abused and this type of trauma weakens our sensitivity to certain boundaries it's called intergenerational transmission. Instead of being the perpetrator, you're more likely to cope this trauma to another path simply by going to an extreme in mating preferences. A massive age gap is considered unlawful as homosexuality.

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That's quite a massive generalization. What about 100s of years ago when it was common, and even expected for a man to be much older than his wife? Did all the wives have sexual abuse and trauma in their background? I think you're reaching a bit. Do you have any Biblical evidence for your assertion that 10+ year age gaps are unlawful?

Speaking for myself, I have regularly (though by no means exclusively) been attracted to older men. Never have I been abused in any way, shape or form. I think it's completely natural and even makes biological sense for there to be an age gap in a relationship, as long as both partners are willing adults.

Yeah it's ridiculous when feminists for example claim that men who like women who are at their fertile peak are somehow emotionally damaged. While there was probably less pressure the other way around, women are still attracted to men high in resources and social status.. and for many men that comes later in life.

Isaiah 2:22 said:

That's quite a massive generalization. What about 100s of years ago when it was common, and even expected for a man to be much older than his wife? Did all the wives have sexual abuse and trauma in their background? I think you're reaching a bit. Do you have any Biblical evidence for your assertion that 10+ year age gaps are unlawful?

Speaking for myself, I have regularly (though by no means exclusively) been attracted to older men. Never have I been abused in any way, shape or form. I think it's completely natural and even makes biological sense for there to be an age gap in a relationship, as long as both partners are willing adults.

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Apparently not but there's over 245 empirical evidence that supports this. With biblical evidence, does that mean you see nothing wrong with someone marrying their own cousin or sibling ? In the bible it's an old tradition where it was accepted such as polygamy. But people who are monogamous agree to something for other people when it's not desired to happen to themselves. Like a person who doesn't agree polygamy because they don't want their partners to be with someone else. The outcome of extending age to be intimate causes a loss of same-aged marriages with increase cheating rates and immoral acts. Our generation is worst than the biblical times in comparison. Technology and pornography not to mention child pornography exists now. Older people won't view them as genuine love rather a fantasy. Would you agree child marriage if a 12 year old for example wanted to have kids with a 45 year old man ? Trying to normalise age extensions is like legalising child marriages. It's a stress no parent wants to go through. Like with homosexuality. Society is dehumanising humanity, therefore creating more confusion. There's also a tone of research that backs up this case with the theory of psychoanalysis that connects to the biblical predictions of Satan's cunning works. Simply just search it up on Google scholar and if possible peer-reviewed articles researches. Search: Intergenerational transmission, psychoanalytic theory of abnormal psychology (unconsciousness). I'll remember your name and I'll tag you in my blog explaining everything with evidential research including biblical references.

Not to feed the (possible) troll, but there's nothing wrong with a 34 year old dating a 45 year old or even a 50 year old. It doesn't mean that either person has been abused.

For what it's worth, there are times when I envy the people to whom God says "Welcome to your mid-20s, here's your spouse." Hopefully, they have what it takes for the long-haul, but life can be complicated. Look at all the people who don't look before they leap. Look at all the unhappy marriages. Being the same age doesn't guarantee compatibility. Some wait longer than others, prioritize having certain things in common, and wind up with an age gap as a result. It doesn't mean that they're wrong for each other.

This has been shared before, but it's pertinent to the topic:



My official answer to the poll is:
It depends how old you are

Ljepa said:

Apparently not but there's over 245 empirical evidence that supports this. With biblical evidence, does that mean you see nothing wrong with someone marrying their own cousin or sibling ? In the bible it's an old tradition where it was accepted such as polygamy. But people who are monogamous agree to something for other people when it's not desired to happen to themselves. Like a person who doesn't agree polygamy because they don't want their partners to be with someone else. The outcome of extending age to be intimate causes a loss of same-aged marriages with increase cheating rates and immoral acts. Our generation is worst than the biblical times in comparison. Technology and pornography not to mention child pornography exists now. Older people won't view them as genuine love rather a fantasy. Would you agree child marriage if a 12 year old for example wanted to have kids with a 45 year old man ? Trying to normalise age extensions is like legalising child marriages. It's a stress no parent wants to go through. Like with homosexuality. Society is dehumanising humanity, therefore creating more confusion. There's also a tone of research that backs up this case with the theory of psychoanalysis that connects to the biblical predictions of Satan's cunning works. Simply just search it up on Google scholar and if possible peer-reviewed articles researches. Search: Intergenerational transmission, psychoanalytic theory of abnormal psychology (unconsciousness). I'll remember your name and I'll tag you in my blog explaining everything with evidential research including biblical references.

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Oh no, not the slippery slope! I very much doubt a few May-September relationships are going to cause society to come crashing down. You must have missed the qualifier in my previous post where I explicitly stated "as long as both partners are willing adults". A 12 y/o is not an adult. I would hesitate to call even a 16 y/o an adult, since I can already see you're going to put that forward next. Let's say 21 is an adult, since that's when most people in most countries can buy alcohol/smoke/vote etc. Are you going to claim marriages between 21 y/olds and 31 y/olds are the devil's work in every single instance? If so, I can only say you must be a troll as Miles suggested.

I'm 44 and unfit for women my own age. They are in a different place in life that I will never get to.

Women could theoretically be younger than me, but then I would have even more difficulty making any kind of an emotional connection with them because of the age gap.

Too much younger, and it feels 'creepy' to even make eye contact with them.