I don't know if anyone has maybe read any of my threads on the OBOB forum, but you'd see I am in a great struggle with myself over denomination: Protestantism, Catholicism or maybe even both.
That's beside the point.
The thing I want to share is that I'm afraid of temptation and I'm afraid of sin. I know I'm a sinner by nature, but I will flee from it as far as I can. I starting to think twice when I watch a TV show or play a PC game. If it's too violent or blasphemous or even angry, I want to forget about it.
The thing is, I became a total Christian about 2 months ago, and before that I was Metal/Punk listening, Quake 3 playing, Friends watching person. Nowadays, I feel like I'm losing my social touch and sacrificing it for my faith. I have no problem putting God first, but I also want to keep my friends.
Sometimes it is hard to talk about religion, and I become very self-aware when I do - like it is lame or whatever. Now, I'm no stranger to this, but now that I am become for and more devoted to God, I am drifting away and away from my previous life. I have only experienced the tip of the iceberg, and now I fear hell so much, I want to be as pure as I can be. It is actually an obsession. I don't like any form of anger, or any notion to sin, or even to be negative. Another thing that contributes to my stress levels is then confusion of what is sin and anger in this world.
I feel like living in a secluded forest and isolate myself from the sinful world.
Then, I have this other problem. Everything I just typed I believe in my heart, but I seem to lack the courage to fulfill it. I may go to university next years, and I plan to marry someday, but both things can draw me away from total focus on God.
Do you think this is a calling for a life of deep contemplation or should I face the world and all its evils? Again, I hate pain, I hate sin, I hate anger - but I'm subdued by it all the time. I still go to parties, I still have a couple of beers or whiskey, sometimes I even still swear, but I don't want to.
I want to strive for perfection. I want to leave everything I have known behind me and start afresh. I don't want to face it, I want to forget it as God forgets our sins.
What do you think?
God bless!
That's beside the point.
The thing I want to share is that I'm afraid of temptation and I'm afraid of sin. I know I'm a sinner by nature, but I will flee from it as far as I can. I starting to think twice when I watch a TV show or play a PC game. If it's too violent or blasphemous or even angry, I want to forget about it.
The thing is, I became a total Christian about 2 months ago, and before that I was Metal/Punk listening, Quake 3 playing, Friends watching person. Nowadays, I feel like I'm losing my social touch and sacrificing it for my faith. I have no problem putting God first, but I also want to keep my friends.
Sometimes it is hard to talk about religion, and I become very self-aware when I do - like it is lame or whatever. Now, I'm no stranger to this, but now that I am become for and more devoted to God, I am drifting away and away from my previous life. I have only experienced the tip of the iceberg, and now I fear hell so much, I want to be as pure as I can be. It is actually an obsession. I don't like any form of anger, or any notion to sin, or even to be negative. Another thing that contributes to my stress levels is then confusion of what is sin and anger in this world.
I feel like living in a secluded forest and isolate myself from the sinful world.
Then, I have this other problem. Everything I just typed I believe in my heart, but I seem to lack the courage to fulfill it. I may go to university next years, and I plan to marry someday, but both things can draw me away from total focus on God.
Do you think this is a calling for a life of deep contemplation or should I face the world and all its evils? Again, I hate pain, I hate sin, I hate anger - but I'm subdued by it all the time. I still go to parties, I still have a couple of beers or whiskey, sometimes I even still swear, but I don't want to.
I want to strive for perfection. I want to leave everything I have known behind me and start afresh. I don't want to face it, I want to forget it as God forgets our sins.
What do you think?
God bless!