"Afraid" of Prayer

[bshaw96]

I don't feel this is a post I should even make being a Christian for 17 years, but it's in my heart, and I need advice. Part of me is terrified of certain aspects of prayer. Many times in my life, God has called me to pray about certain areas of my life, totally surrender things to Him. And when I do, it's like the bottom falls out. A couple of examples. A few years ago, dh and I were going through a rough patch in our marriage, lots of arguing, really unhealthy. So I gave it to God. Our fighting got worse and we even ended up separated as satan responded to my prayers with counter attacks. It was one of the most painful periods of my life. I know what should matter is the fact God brought us through and today we have an awesome marriage. And I DO praise God for that, but that was a very difficult time. Second example. God has really been dealing with me about surrendering our finances to Him. We live pretty much paycheck to paycheck. So I did. Within a week, my dh wrecked his truck, and my car broke down necessitating 700 worth of repairs. At the same time, the nursing agency I work with gave me NO shifts, so I didn't work that week. It just always happens when I pray about issues, no matter what the issues. I know it's satan's way of discouraging me and God's way of teaching me to trust and push through, but I really struggle in this area. Without fail, if I do not stop praying, God always brings us through. But right now God is wanting me to really pray and trust Him in a couple areas of my life, and Im afraid of what will develop when I do. Things are sorta calm in my life right now. Human nature I guess not to wanna step out of their comfort zone? I feel so weak saying this, but maybe if I get it out there, someone can help. I know God's not gonna let up on this, b/c He put it on my heart a few months ago, and is not letting me forget it . Can anyone offer any advice? Thank you so much and God bless!!!!

 

[IKTCA]

Sister B.
All I can say is wow, what a training you've gone through. I envy you.

Reading your post, I am not sure if you are really afraid. I don't think you are afraid. You are in fact a maturing believer. I would say you are hesitant, hesitant of obedience into greater maturity.

You said you are seeking advice but you already have resolve in you. You are seeking encouragement that will increase your resolve beyond the tipping point (not the right word) into greater obedience.

As your training continues, please share your experiences with me, for I might become jealous and want the same training. I am sorry I cannot give you any encouragement.

Rupert

 

[WeakButHopeful]

Hello bshaw96. Your sharing made me think of two analogies I read in a book once about the difficulty in trusting God. Now, I am not saying you don't trust God, I think iktca made a very astute distinction between fear and hesitancy. But your question involves (I think) feelings and concerns and how to deal with them while you are trusting God.

I read once that a child will sometimes not tell a parent about a toothache because they know that yes, the parent will give them some aspirin and the pain will go away so they can sleep, but the next day off to the dentist they'll go where they will need to endure all manner of things which do not appear to the child related at all (and of course we're all children of God).

The other example I read was of a construction contractor called in to fix one thing who discovers other serious problems with the home and it turns into a really big deal (perhaps your recent $700 auto repair is close to this situation).

I think your relationship with God is very forthright and honest, and I know He understands your feelings.

 

[JPPT1974]

God knows us more than others nor we do ourselves. And that the Lord knows our thoughts and feelings way, way before we do. We can fool others and even ourselves but we can't fool God. God loves you and will never, ever stop loving you. Lean on Him and He will make you grow & uplift you to Him if you let Him. Praying for you my friend!

 

[bshaw96]

Thanks everyone for your replies. They all meant so much and gave me a lot to think about. I do have trust issues, no doubt. I heard once that you often see your heavenly father based on how you see your earthly father. I was abandoned by my earthly father and hurt deeply, and I think maybe sometimes that spills over into my spiritual walk with God. I "know" He will not hurt me or forsake me, but sometimes my emotions get in the way of just letting go and trusting. I thank you again for all your replies. God bless each of you!

 

[Pilgrim1951]

bshaw, every so often, I read a post which I feel I could have written myself. Yours was one of those. I too have been a Christian for quite a few years, and have been finding it difficult at times to pray about certain things, because of the trial I or someone else may have to go through. I know what you are talking about when you say you are terrified of certain aspects of prayer. The trials which have come out of some of my prayers have come to make me a bit hesitant at times. I am trully ashamed of myself for that, especially because the blessings which have come out of the trials have been wonderful, and because I want to walk closer with the Lord. I never thought about totally surrendering in prayer until recently (even though I have done it many times over the years), but it's as if I now realize, there may be a price. Your post is confirmation to me that the Lord is wanting me to go to the next level of obedience in my walk with God. God bless you for your honesty. Your sharing really convicted me. Also, several months ago the Lord convicted my husband and I of being poor stewards of His money. We repented and made a decision to tithe and be obedient to whatever God wanted us to do financially. Of course, almost immediately things started happening to frighten us. It is still going on, but it is amazing how He continues to walk with us in the fire, and not allow us to be burned. The latest "fire" is a lawsuit that came out of left field. But I will continue to praise God even in this. Thank you for encouraging me, even though you may not realize you were!