Afraid of going to church

[wr2]

I'm afraid of going to church for various reasons.

-I made negative experiences in the past with christians in church
-I have been to churches and it always dragged me down when I was there and all others seemed happy and I was miserable
-I generally cannot stand the feeling of having to do something it makes me feel like I'm in a cage
-I'm afraid of having to deal with other christians who I may not like or who act weird because this also drags me down. I have been in churches and seen christians act really weird and this in turn made me doubt my faith cause I thought what if all christians are simply crazy?
-When I am among christians I usually don't feel comfortable and this then makes me feel bad about myself and question if this means that I'm not really a christian


Anyone else with such problems? It's simply that a lot of the typical christian things repell me. I'm not someone who is outgoing and outspoken and who goes to a church and then talks to others and is happy and sings. I rather want to be alone and try to gather my thoughts and then I feel like I have to sing, too, even if I don't feel like singing and then I also feel guilty for not wanting to sing cause I think as a christian you have to sing.

 

[rossignol]

I completely relate to you. I get such bad anxiety when I try to go to church and feel bad cause I shouldn't feel this way.

Thankfully the Internet is such a great tool. Most churches now have the whole sermon on video you can watch from home when it's convenient for you. There are also complete online churches available.

 

[BakoGuy]

Sometimes it also comes down to finding the right Church for you.
It shocks me how judgmental people are at some churches, That's not how a good Christian is suppose to be.

 

[wr2]

Hello,
but I am always told that you have to belong to a church and go there. Downloading sermons isn't the same. But I have listened to thousands of sermons on the internet over the years and most of them didn't help me with my problems or dragged me down and then I think if I had to be a part of a church which preaches things which drag me down or which don't help me then how does going there week after week help me?
I have been to a few churches and usually going there made me miserable. I went there and wanted to experience something and I experienced nothing and then I felt worse than before.
I was looking for a church in my area which believes in healing and I emailed the churches and none of the churches which replied said that they really believe in healing. They all wrote stuff like God can heal but doesn't always do it and so on. I don't see how I could be helped in such a church.

But the whole issue of finding a church with the "right" theology is only 1 part of the problem. I am also really afraid of having to belong to a church and having to deal with people and maybe getting in trouble with other christians. I am not the kind of person who likes dealing with people. Instead of going to a huge church with many people who I don't know or who may seem weird to me I'd much rather know a handful of normal christians who I can discuss problems with. This would help me much more but I don't know any christians in real life.

What drags me down right now is this feeling that I must join a church and drag myself there week after week no matter if I like it or not. I'm really afraid of that.

 

[alt6119]

Wr2, I can relate with you here on some things. I tend to be a more introverted personality, even though my career is right the opposite - I'm able to very outgoing in that circumstance, but that also means I'm pretty outgoing with my friends that are in my life. Meaning, they know my struggles...whether it has been with doubt, etc... I used to have panic attacks every time I went into church. It was so crazy. I didn't feel like I could tell anyone...I go to a large church. You can easily be deceived into thinking everyone there has a stronger faith than you, they're abnormal because they seem happy all the time, etc... Please believe me, there are a lot of issues behind that veneer! I have finally realized that I have to go to a church for the right reasons - Biblical preaching. You will find sinners everywhere. You will find that some of your brothers and sisters will become your friends, but don't worry about the popularity game, etc... I would just start going regularly and go from there. I'm working on this myself. I have some friends at my church, but it's hard for me to go.

 

[wr2]

Hi, but what if you cannot even find a church which preaches the "right" stuff? What if you go to a church which believes something different than you and then you hear week after week teachings which don't line up with your own theology? Then how can this be helpful?

I have listened to thousands of sermons over the internet and I really have to say that the absolute majority of the stuff I listened to, which also came from real pastors, didn't do me well and either scared me or didn't really help me.
I downloaded stuff at sermonaudio and most of the pastors there preached stuff which I wouldn't want to listen to regularly.

 

[SplendidTree]

What kind of churches did you go to in the past? Were any of those experiences positive and where you agreed with their doctrines or whatnot?


I used to be afraid to go to church for various reasons. The first one is bad experience when briefly attending one as a child. There was a lot of gossip and then the pastor ended up getting a DUI and just things went sour.

Also then I used to isolate and have bad anxiety with going out. I also tried various churches but didn't feel I "fit in" and didn't agree with their specific beliefs. I wasn't against them, just wasn't where I felt my heart was.

I didn't go to church again for 2 years and then my great aunt wanted me to got to this Lutheran church and for awhile I was going to that one AND a Pentecostal one with my friends at times once a week. I decided the Lutheran one was for me.

I used to like to sit in the back, be afraid to sing because I sounded horrid lol, and could hardly look at anyone face to face. I felt like I was the one worst sinner and bad person in the church. I felt like I didn't belong. Now I sit with others, sing my heart out for the Lord and know people well.



I guess I am sharing because you asked about experiences but also, I think in maybe some ways I can relate.

I will be praying for you!

 

[alt6119]

I agree with cmjames - I'd also like to know what you believe that you feel you can't find at churches.

Also, another thing to consider - you're not always going to have an emotional experience at church. You can go away feeling all kinds of emotions. I personally like it when I am challenged and convicted - I can take something away and apply it as to become more like Christ. Sometimes, that kind of preaching can be rough.

Just think about how much your emotions should apply in this case - emotions are important, but they are not everything. We go to church to glorify God and praise Him, and I believe that He will bless us as we continue in the path that He has ordained, EVEN IF it seems dry and dull many times. I have had times where I hardly went. I have just gone through it, but I'm ready to get back in...I can usually trace it to something specific. In your case, you have a lot of fear and assumptions regarding the people around you. I would go for you and God, and make sure to examine what these preachers are saying that you say you disagree with...I wouldn't go to church where I disagree with someone every week, but I would go if I disagree with them once in a while.

 

[JesusisallIneed]

I am so glad I found this forum. I too am going through and have been through a lot of what people posted in here. Here are some of my postings:

http://www.christianforums.com/t7629068/

http://www.christianforums.com/t7640367/


http://www.christianforums.com/t7622717/



I watched these videos and they really opened up my eyes. Currently I am not attending church just going to bible study:

[FONT=&quot]Part 1:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]The Answer to Are Church People Fakeness - YouTube[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Part 2:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The Answer to Are Church People Fakeness part 2 - YouTube[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Part 3:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The Answer to are Church People Fake part 3 - YouTube[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]

 

[JesusisallIneed]

I am suprised I have not received any response on this thread yet to the videos. I do not know if the title :the answer to are church people fake" turned people away from watching it or what. Basically the purpose of the videos is to let you know that church is what you make out of it and as long as you are there for GOD you will survive. It also teaches you the difference between spiritual and religious people. The videos DO NOT speak negatively upon church whatsoever. As a christian I would never spread anything negative against Christianity or churches. I see that I had a lot of views but no responses and I was hoping to get feedback from someone on there thoughts on the videos. I found the videos to be instrumental in my faith with GOD.

 

[Miser]

I feel exactly the same way wr2, I get terrible anxiety when i attend a church. I worry that Im doing something wrong, there are loads of people there and i just find the building stifling. comes with having social anxiety disorder i guess

Also, i really liked the videos

 

[drjean]

I think most people who go to church feel the same way you do... they want to go, worship God, and not be too engaged in all the rest. Many would rather "just" attend worship service and go home and not stay for fellowship or dinners etc, really.

(It's once you begin to know and like others that the chatter and socializing improves, imo.)

Today's church service and attendance are greatly changed from before... except for a few denominations, you can pretty much wear what you feel comfortable in and participate as you wish. You're there to worship God, not win any popularity contests.

That you feel like you don't fit in, well, that might be helped with a talk with the pastor or a minister there...check to see if the church you're interested in has a website...and see if you can engage them in email conversations about how you feel. That way you can resolve some of the anxiety and other feelings without even going... before you go.

 

[rak]

I'm afraid of going to church for various reasons.

-I made negative experiences in the past with christians in church
-I have been to churches and it always dragged me down when I was there and all others seemed happy and I was miserable
-I generally cannot stand the feeling of having to do something it makes me feel like I'm in a cage
-I'm afraid of having to deal with other christians who I may not like or who act weird because this also drags me down. I have been in churches and seen christians act really weird and this in turn made me doubt my faith cause I thought what if all christians are simply crazy?
-When I am among christians I usually don't feel comfortable and this then makes me feel bad about myself and question if this means that I'm not really a christian


Anyone else with such problems? It's simply that a lot of the typical christian things repell me. I'm not someone who is outgoing and outspoken and who goes to a church and then talks to others and is happy and sings. I rather want to be alone and try to gather my thoughts and then I feel like I have to sing, too, even if I don't feel like singing and then I also feel guilty for not wanting to sing cause I think as a christian you have to sing.

I have avoided going to church for over a year for the same reasons. Bullying and other forms of bad behaviour is a big problem in churches that is almost not talked about and even denied. Those who do admit that it is there say to forgive those who wronged you, which is not enaugh for such a sollution. It also pulls me down to see everyone in church so happy-clappy, because I do not feel that way. So either I must be much more unhappy than most people or everyone else in church is really good at pretending that life is so beautiful and that it is so wonderful to be in the hause of the Lord. I think they are pretending because when people pray about cancer, depression and all that horrible stuff they suffer from, it does not make sense that everybody is so full of beans during worship.

 

[aflower4God]

and a BIG WELCOME to CF brother wr2. YES I have a fear of going to Church ONLY cause of my social phobia and the fact that I have no way of getting there at this point, I guess i could go if I called around some more to have someone pick me up. But for 2 years I have been stuck at home and my social phobia has increased cause of it. You are not a lone my dear sweet brother and KNOW that I will be praying for you ((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))

 

[TinkerBelle7]

.......

 

[ChildofGod777]

check out hbwt.org I can't post a direct link till I have 50 posts
check out that site. its a direct link to my church which is non-denominational. the home page has a video from the pastor and there's a "plug in" link where you can listen to some sermons in mp3 format.

as pastor Pat says "this aint you mama's church"

 

[Dwylcs]

It's a sad state indeed. There are many who have suffered a lot of similar abuse, and the first line of attack by those who close ranks against you is to righteously press you to forgive.
So you are insulted at both ends of the matter.
One needs to do things on their own terms.

My kids could see what was going on, and requested that we continue with our home meetings.
They have their own families now, and they are serving the Lord as they have done all of their lives. We are a very close family, it wasn't an easy decision to make, but I certainly have no regrets.

If you can prayerfully find someone who is sincere just to have fellowship with, the Lord promises he will be amongst you.

Matt 18:20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

 

[Theofane]

I completely relate to you. I get such bad anxiety when I try to go to church and feel bad cause I shouldn't feel this way.

Thankfully the Internet is such a great tool. Most churches now have the whole sermon on video you can watch from home when it's convenient for you. There are also complete online churches available.

The Internet is indeed a great tool, but online churches are no substitue for the real thing IMO. Real Christian fellowship cannot be accomplished over an Internet connection, not even with webcams and webmikes.

 

[SplendidTree]

Praying for you. Hope you are doing better.

 

[redblue22]

real Christian fellowship is not found sitting a pew either, friend.

I feel for you OP. If I waiting for the best theology, I wouldn't go anywhere. but finding friends who are Christians--even if they are different--is pretty important to me. finding healthy safe friends is a whole other obstacle though.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I just hope you can find a few people on your side regardless of what building they go to.