Advise (caution:may spike)

[babychrist]

Greetings to all,

My OCD began in Middleschool and progressed (got worse) as I entered Highschool. I associate both places with dirt, smells, ect.. These associations causes me extreme anxiety. Although, I am roughly ten years out of Highschool, I am still affected by it (through various means). I feel the dirt and grime I associate with these places, in my skin. I can't get clean enough. In the past, everything that had 'touched' these places, was tossed. Clothes, shoes, even personal (and sometimes expensive) belongings. I no longer throw things away, but I still avoid whatever I have 'deemed' contaminated. I have found mental suggestion to be a very powerful antidote for me. For instance, approx. five years ago, I developed a fear of the garage at my now, former residence, because of 'school things' being stored there. When I visited my brother in New Mexico, I automatically began to avoid his garage, until I realized that his garage was not contaminated (for me-ignorance is bliss ). How free I felt!

I know that if I could convince myself that whatever I have deemed contaminated, isn't really contaminated, I'd be free of the compulsive need to be clean because of it.

The problem I have however, is that the sights and smells of urine, pot, feces, graffitti, menustration blood, and worse, which prompted my OCD, were very real. How can a person, honestly tell themselves that urine is not a contaminate or that pot is not something which can get on your clothes and books? This is why 'Exposure-Response' has been ineffective for me. It's not like holding a tarantula and surviving.

Come mid-July, I will probably be hospitalized for this. Everything I have tried thus far has not worked. What am I to do?

Comments would be greatly appreciated.

BC

 

[stephr13]

it seems like an awful maze in your head right now but it will get better, stay strong and give your self grace. imagine woirse case scenario where you went to the bathroom and didnt wash your hands, then you go to eat and you feel contaminated, its ok. there is no perfect answer. it's not the end of the world.

 

[babychrist]

But it doesn't seem to me to be okay--that's the problem.

 

[raven1]

Have you ever been in a hospital before. If you are going to go. Do your research on which ones may be best for you. The hospital is no fun but I have had to go before. Sometimes it is best to go so they can put you on meds. and get you set up with better counselors etc.

 

[babychrist]

Have you ever been in a hospital before. If you are going to go. Do your research on which ones may be best for you. The hospital is no fun but I have had to go before. Sometimes it is best to go so they can put you on meds. and get you set up with better counselors etc.

I have not been in a 'mental' one no. I'm currently on Zoloft, but obviously it isn't helping my 'inner turmoil'. It only keeps me from acting out violently. When I first began displaying symptoms of OCD, they tried me on one med after another. I was a guinea pig for a long while. I ended up on Zoloft, not because it was so helpful, but because it has less side affects for me than anything else I've tried (my body rejects medicines most of the time, so there's not a lot I can take). Talking things out is probably the best course for me right now, so having a good support group and counselor is top priority. But I need them 24/7, which is why I'm strongly considering hospitalization. Yeah...definitely researching....

BC