Hello,
This is a little long, but I'd like some feedback from the community. (You guys are all awesome, btw.
)
About a year ago, I told some "white lies" on an application for my current employment. I did this against conscience at the urging of my parents (both Christians, who led me to faith as a child.) Their reasoning was that I was being too picky and detailed about filling out the form. I decided to trust my dad's experience (who was in this same industry), and forgot about the issue for ~10 months.
When talking with a friend a few months ago, the application came to mind (along with an avalanche of guilt). I'm concerned because if this really was the lie I feel it is, I'm afraid all I've worked for has been theft. The only way to set things right seems to be confession to my employer, and possibly facing legal prosecution.
My family are against me confessing, afraid it would torpedo my career. They believe that I am striving after legalism... a works-based salvation. Obviously, this is something I wish to avoid. Jesus spoke harshly of Pharisees. My family thinks that due to my job (very high stress), I am having a stress response by feeling false guilt. Also, they have said that Christ gives us freedom from obeying the strict letter of the law, and that he does not communicate conviction in such a destructive manner.
I'd like to believe them... I've always been prone to be a "by the book" kind of guy.
But I can't shake the feeling.
God, despite my pleading, has been silent. When I read the Word, all I see is the accusation that I'm disobeying Christ's command to lose my life (in my case, my career and family) for his sake. I've had short panic attacks and insomnia over it, and resist taking communion, as I don't want to take the bread and the cup in an unworthy manner. I've always believed that if I disobey my conscience in anything I am grieving the Holy Spirit. The fact I've even waited this long terrifies me. I've been in a good deal of prayer over this, and have shared my concerns with my family (who have also been praying.) Neither side has had any insights.
Thus far, I do not perceive the wisdom which I asked God for.
Now, I regret my obedience to my parents. In over a month of this struggle, nothing has helped. I've never felt so distant from God. At the advice of others, I've been trying to focus on "positive" Bible verses, contemplate on His Love through His Son, and, of course, trying to get good sleep. I've tried contacting my church, but the pastor I trust has been too busy to hear me out.
Everyone in my family and my doc (a family friend) say its nothing to worry about. But it's still gnawing at me...
As a kid raised in the military, I have few friends and poor social networks at church. (I volunteer some, but nothing's ever really happened in the way of friends.) So, my family (parents, brother, grandmother, aunt) are all I have socially. The Bible is clear that I must choose Him over all others. But, I do not want to boast in my works and be guilty of what the Galatians did.
My questions for the community
1. Has anyone had a similar struggle? If so, any insight?
2. Where do you believe the line is between obedience and legalism?
Your prayers are appreciated!
This is a little long, but I'd like some feedback from the community. (You guys are all awesome, btw.
) About a year ago, I told some "white lies" on an application for my current employment. I did this against conscience at the urging of my parents (both Christians, who led me to faith as a child.) Their reasoning was that I was being too picky and detailed about filling out the form. I decided to trust my dad's experience (who was in this same industry), and forgot about the issue for ~10 months.
When talking with a friend a few months ago, the application came to mind (along with an avalanche of guilt). I'm concerned because if this really was the lie I feel it is, I'm afraid all I've worked for has been theft. The only way to set things right seems to be confession to my employer, and possibly facing legal prosecution.
My family are against me confessing, afraid it would torpedo my career. They believe that I am striving after legalism... a works-based salvation. Obviously, this is something I wish to avoid. Jesus spoke harshly of Pharisees. My family thinks that due to my job (very high stress), I am having a stress response by feeling false guilt. Also, they have said that Christ gives us freedom from obeying the strict letter of the law, and that he does not communicate conviction in such a destructive manner.
I'd like to believe them... I've always been prone to be a "by the book" kind of guy.
But I can't shake the feeling.
God, despite my pleading, has been silent. When I read the Word, all I see is the accusation that I'm disobeying Christ's command to lose my life (in my case, my career and family) for his sake. I've had short panic attacks and insomnia over it, and resist taking communion, as I don't want to take the bread and the cup in an unworthy manner. I've always believed that if I disobey my conscience in anything I am grieving the Holy Spirit. The fact I've even waited this long terrifies me. I've been in a good deal of prayer over this, and have shared my concerns with my family (who have also been praying.) Neither side has had any insights.
Thus far, I do not perceive the wisdom which I asked God for.
Now, I regret my obedience to my parents. In over a month of this struggle, nothing has helped. I've never felt so distant from God. At the advice of others, I've been trying to focus on "positive" Bible verses, contemplate on His Love through His Son, and, of course, trying to get good sleep. I've tried contacting my church, but the pastor I trust has been too busy to hear me out.
Everyone in my family and my doc (a family friend) say its nothing to worry about. But it's still gnawing at me...
As a kid raised in the military, I have few friends and poor social networks at church. (I volunteer some, but nothing's ever really happened in the way of friends.) So, my family (parents, brother, grandmother, aunt) are all I have socially. The Bible is clear that I must choose Him over all others. But, I do not want to boast in my works and be guilty of what the Galatians did.
My questions for the community
1. Has anyone had a similar struggle? If so, any insight?
2. Where do you believe the line is between obedience and legalism?
Your prayers are appreciated!
